DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the past two years, my husband and I have received two rather substantial bequests from two very generous relatives. Because of these inheritances, we have been able to make much larger donations to charities than we otherwise could have.

We have since been inundated with letters and phone calls soliciting more, even larger, donations. Representatives from two charitable organizations have asked to meet personally with us, and a third actually showed up unannounced at our door. (We weren’t home, but he left a note and a small gift.)

Will you please tell me how to politely let these organizations know that phone calls and personal visits will not inspire us to give them more money? If anything, they will have the opposite effect.

In the future, should we enclose a letter with our check, asking that they not contact us except through the mail? I do a much better job of ignoring letters than I do surprise phone calls and ambushes at my front door.

GENTLE READER: Reputable charities should recognize not only the etiquette, but the self-interest, in following a donor’s wish about how to communicate.

But Miss Manners recommends you save your admonition for a response to the inevitable follow-up solicitation. If you preemptively tell them to contact you by mail, you will only whet their appetite.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a tall woman, and am frequently asked my height by men and women alike. While I find it mildly annoying, I can shrug it off easily enough. (I’ve never understood why asking someone’s weight or age is considered rude, but asking about height is fair game.)

But how might I respond to the occasional man who, after asking this personal question and getting an honest answer, doesn’t believe me? It seems to imply that I am either too ignorant to know the right answer or a liar, both of which I find very insulting. (I have had my height of 6’0” verified many times over the years, and I have no reason to “fudge” the numbers.)

A typical confrontation of this sort comes from a man who has exaggerated his own height, and wants me to explain the obvious disparity between our viewpoints. The next time this happens, is there a way I can let him know he is being a jerk -- without being one myself?

GENTLE READER: Asking a woman’s weight is also considered fair game these days, Miss Manners is saddened to admit. That does not make asking her height or her weight any less rude -- and, as it is rude, you are under no obligation to answer.

A light smile, accompanied by, “Oh it’s been so long since I measured,” is all that etiquette requires. For the persistent male, you may add, with a slight tone of annoyance, “As I said, it’s been some time since I measured. Does it really matter?”

If this is still not enough, move closer, look down at him, and ask firmly -- but, please, without a snarl -- ”Well, we’re almost the same height, aren’t we?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am staying at home with my two teenage daughters. My parents, who live about 10 minutes away, are elderly and very vulnerable to the virus. They are observing strict quarantine and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future.

I have been doing all their errands for them: delivering groceries, picking up medications, bringing over home-cooked meals etc. Given that they are also forgetful, this sometimes requires me going over there two or three times a day, maintaining social distance from my dad on the porch while he wipes down my purchases, or talking to my mother by phone while waving at her bedroom window.

Believe it or not, this has been my pleasure, and I’m happy I have the time and opportunity to help them.

Now my parents are talking about taking me away for a vacation when “this is all over,” as a thank-you. I don’t want to go. I’m a single mom, and although I have not lost my job (I can telecommute), I don’t have a lot of savings. I can think of many better ways to use the money that would be spent on this trip.

Also, due to their age and (probably) fear and uncertainty, my parents bicker. A lot. A month with them would be me running and fetching and carrying and acting as a sounding board/referee. It wouldn’t be a vacation for me at all.

If we go to the beach, as they are hinting, my mother would stay in the rental property, and either my dad or I would have to stay with her at all times. I would be cooking the meals, playing board games with them, sharing cleaning and laundry chores with my dad, shopping, etc.

How do I escape this not-vacation?

GENTLE READER: The same way you avoided coming to the dinner table as a child: by claiming you will be there any minute. More specifically, Miss Manners is suggesting you quibble over the date, not the premise: “I would love to, but with everything that has happened, this year just is not going to work.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If you’re wearing a mask, do you have to cover your mouth when you yawn? Or is the mask sufficient?

GENTLE READER: Who can tell?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to break off mutual friendships you have with an ex, so that no one feels offended?

I don’t want a painful reminder of the ex who broke my heart. My mutual friends are not taking it well, with me breaking up with them; they readily side with the ex and call me childish for the whole thing.

GENTLE READER: No one wants to be told that their presence stirs painful memories. So if you do not want to be accused of overreacting, keep your reasons to yourself. Miss Manners trusts you can find less offensive excuses for declining invitations. This is not quick -- you may need to decline multiple invitations -- but it is proper.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My grandmother taught me the value of writing letters and, though I haven’t done that in quite some time, I think the current outbreak is providing us ample opportunity to be kind in simple ways.

My son and I are going to send letters to the local nursing home, which we’ve already discussed with the home to avoid any issues.

What would be the most appropriate way to greet these folks we don’t know? I know we could use a standard “Wishing you well,” but I’d like to be as kind as possible to make sure they know that we really are thinking of them and hope they are well.

GENTLE READER: This is a kindness to your son, as well as to the residents, who may now be deprived of outside contact, even from their families. Miss Manners considers empathy to be the most important quality a parent could seek to foster. And knowing how to write a graceful letter will be of surprisingly good use to him.

The letters should introduce yourselves as their neighbors, perhaps with a drawing or photograph. If the nursing home’s administration will give you a list of the residents, you can address them by their honorifics and surnames, even if there are many of them.

The staff could also tell you if it would be practical for you to drop off books, magazines or videos, or perhaps greet residents from the sidewalk or through a virtual meeting. But the letters alone should be valuable in reminding these people that they have not been abandoned by the outside world.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was asked to give a reference for a young man. When I stated that he was articulate, the caller became offended, asking me if I knew that was an insult.

The young man I gave the reference for was black, and I am an older white woman.

How can I avoid this kind of misstep in the future? What should I say about a young black man who has overcome much adversity, and who is articulate and intelligent?

GENTLE READER: Being articulate, which means being able to express oneself and one’s ideas, is surely a basic expectation. Thus you would seem to be saying this young man is not inarticulate -- implying that he is above the low expectation one would have of him.

Do you see how that becomes an insult? And it has become particularly associated with racism, as if one would not expect a black person to speak well.

If you wish to do someone a service, which is the point when agreeing to give a reference, Miss Manners considers it more effective to give specific examples of a person’s abilities rather than to resort to such vague generalizations.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know Miss Manners has decreed that diners should eat asparagus with their fingers. Does the same directive apply to broccolini spears?

GENTLE READER: Good heavens, no. Miss Manners cautions you not to try to apply reason to tradition.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)