DEAR MISS MANNERS: I posted on social media that I was excited to have received a stimulus check. One comment on my post said that others were giving their checks to those more in need, “maybe even family members.”

The comment was from the wife of my cousin. She clearly implied that I should consider giving funds to her husband, whom she has long been separated from, and from whom she is financially independent. (Her husband scrapes by and, unlike us, was negatively affected by the lockdowns.)

My wife and I disagree about the propriety of the comment. One of us thinks the public solicitation crossed the line. The other thinks the comment placed the wife’s reputation at risk for the benefit of another, and so was actually praiseworthy. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Demanding that people hand over their money or they will get hurt, where the threat is to harm their reputations rather than their bodies, is the social equivalent of a crime. How the money is then used does not justify the means of getting it.

Miss Manners realizes that she has described a fundraising technique that is used by many charitable organizations. When she hears the phrase “but it’s for a good cause,” she is sadly aware that the “but” means that rudeness is being cited as a virtue.

However, it is never a good idea to post about your financial gains.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve gotten some unsolicited advice on how one drinks tea, and now I’m worried that it will be cold before I figure out how to drink it. Perhaps you’d be kind enough to answer a few of my questions.

A distant acquaintance told me that when you stir sugar into your tea, you’re not supposed to let the spoon hit the side of the cup and make a noise. Is that true? How on earth is it accomplished?

This same acquaintance has also told me that the milk and sugar have to go into the cup first, or I’m doing it wrong. But is there really a protocol for that sort of thing? How does one do it right?

When I’m drinking tea and eating a cookie at the same time, may I put the cookie on the saucer next to the cup, or does it deserve its own separate plate?

Last of all, may I dunk the cookie in the tea, or is that sort of thing not allowed? I suppose this question’s a long shot, in light of the three before it.

GENTLE READER: Before you blithely break cookies with these people, you should realize that you have entered a controversy so heated as to make American politics look bland in comparison.

This matter of the MIFs (Milk In Firsts) vs. the TIFs (Tea In Firsts) is of great emotional concern to people who have nothing better to do. Scientific arguments about beverage temperature are cited. Class distinctions, about whether the tea is served in fine china or an earthenware mug, are made.

Miss Manners sides with the TIFs, if only because they are able to make the more devastating characterizations of their opponents.

But surely she can trust you to stir in the middle of your cup without clanking, and to dip your cookie while no one is looking.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some close family members of mine have become strident in their political views to the point that politics is all they ever talk about. I find it tiring to listen to nothing but regurgitated cable news sound bites from them. However, they are rather thin-skinned about any criticisms of their viewpoints, no matter how ridiculous.

These relatives use all types of media to do this: email, telephone, web links, etc.

What is the best way to distract and redirect them -- politely, so as not to cause a small nuclear war?

GENTLE READER: It’s not a conversation, nor a correspondence, unless you respond. When a rant is finished, which happens faster if it is greeted by silence, it will be your turn to start a new conversation about other, more pleasant topics. To apply a polite veneer, you could open with, “There is so much that’s awful in the news at the moment that we find ourselves wanting to talk to family about anything else. How is Aunt Ginny’s new ferret?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to eat a cupcake when one is not given a fork? Should I ask for a fork? I always seem to make a mess without one.

GENTLE READER: The cupcake is the fried chicken of the dessert world: It should properly be eaten only informally or with family, where it may be picked up with the hands -- and the mess and facial decorations are part of the fun.

Since the turn of the modern century, however, it has become common to serve cupcakes at weddings and other formal settings, often without the accompanying and necessary utensils. The results have been, as you say, a disaster.

Guests have had to get creative. Miss Manners has even witnessed the advent of frosting sandwiches, where consumers take off the bottom half of the cake and place it on top.

But if hosts insist on serving cupcakes outside of children’s birthday parties, their guests will be obliged to ask for the proper implements. Tablecloths, silk dresses and upper lips will be eternally grateful.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My neighbors’ children are constantly screaming at the top of their voices when they play. I was always told that screaming was to be done only in an emergency.

How can I politely ask the neighbors to encourage their children to keep the noise level at a more appropriate volume? I’m also concerned that the children often play in the street, which is dangerous.

GENTLE READER: Express that concern, in regard to all applicable screaming and playing: “Is everything all right? We heard screaming coming from your children and got worried. Also, we know that the streets are quieter than usual right now, but you never know when someone might come out of nowhere and hurt them while they are playing there.”

If you are feeling generous, you might further remind the children about crying wolf, in the terrible event that they do get hurt. But Miss Manners would not blame you if you decided to enjoy some quiet instead.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve noticed I tend to respond to emails from my colleagues with the term “guys,” regardless of the gender of the recipients -- i.e., “Thanks, guys.”

I also do this if I’m responding to an email when all the recipients are female. I also do this in person, unless all the people I’m addressing are female, in which case I will use the term “ladies.”

Is there more of an ambiguous or polite term I should be using? And does it matter if I’m referring to only females? For some reason, “Thanks, ladies” seems condescending to me in an email, but perhaps I’m too sensitive. I have a great deal of respect for my colleagues and would hate to learn I’ve ever offended any of them.

GENTLE READER: Email affords you the opportunity to choose your words carefully, and to know whom you are addressing. However, there is rarely a need to identify groups in terms of gender, so why not give it up entirely? “Thanks, everyone” or even just “Thanks” is sufficient to end a letter or discussion.

Miss Manners has noticed that others have taken up her distaste for “you guys” as a generic, supposedly gender-neutral greeting. And the strange notion that a feminine form such as “ladies” is perceived as an insult further corroborates that inherent bias. Until we find a greeting that is truly gender-neutral and satisfactory, Miss Manners suggests that we all give up addressing mass audiences by gender entirely. It seems inevitable to get it wrong or cause offense.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a relative who exercises during conversations. It used to be that she would drop to the floor and do situps, leg lifts or pushups. Family members didn’t know what to say or do, but after she had left, we all agreed that we thought the behavior was quite strange. She even used to do leg stretches in the aisle at restaurants, and I worried that she would trip the wait staff.

Now, she no longer drops to the floor, but does standing stretches and yoga-type exercises. It’s extremely distracting to any conversation the rest of the family is enjoying, particularly when she stands in the line of sight between two people who are conversing.

Is there anything we could or should do to stop this behavior? Currently, I leave the room when this occurs, taking a very long time to get a drink or find a tissue, but then I miss the conversations. There is often no place I can escape to. Do we continue to tolerate such odd behavior?

GENTLE READER: “Mary Louise, I admire how committed you are to fitness, but it is somewhat difficult to hear you or others while you are doing all that heart-healthy breathing. Perhaps you can take a break while we talk so that all of us can enjoy the conversation. Later, I would love to have you show me some of your more effective moves.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)