DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I love East Asian food and are completely comfortable with chopsticks. We understand that bamboo chopsticks come from a renewable resource, although using them one time in a restaurant and then sending them to the landfill seems wasteful.

My main problem is that some restaurants provide chopsticks that apparently have been used before, though rewrapped. They do not always appear to have been thoroughly washed. I don’t bother to use recycled, untreated wooden chopsticks, and I request metal flatware instead.

We own several sets of chopsticks, including one set with two pairs held in a slender, unostentatious teak box. I would much prefer to take them with us to restaurants we patronize, for the reasons I’ve mentioned, but my wife refuses, insisting that doing so would be gauche. I will accept your opinion as decisive.

GENTLE READER: Dining out is an act of faith, not only that the flatware will be clean, but also that the fish has not been sitting on the counter since last Tuesday.

Miss Manners does not allow you to bring your own utensils, particularly since you have an acceptable alternative (asking for flatware).

If this seems harsh, she encourages you to consider that if the proprietors of the restaurant use soiled chopsticks, you might wish to change venues out of a reasonable concern about their less visible sanitary choices.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While visiting a prestigious veterinary clinic for a consultation with my beloved dog’s oncologist, the technician who did the intake brought out her cellphone. I found this offensive and said, “Excuse me, do I have your full attention?” The technician immediately said something along the lines of if I was going to be rude or confrontational, she would leave right then and there.

I was stunned, because I thought my question was very polite in the context of a medical consultation during which she decided to use her cellphone. (She said she took it out to change the settings so we would not be bothered, which should have been done before she entered the room.)

I feel that it is extremely rude to do so while in consultation with a client, and further, that the rebuke I received in return was completely inappropriate and unprofessional. In retrospect, I wish I had said something like, “I was very polite, and would prefer to speak with someone else, thank you,” and left.

GENTLE READER: As you may unfortunately find yourself in a similar situation in the future, Miss Manners can suggest some refinements that may result in a better outcome.

Wording is important, and it would have been less confrontational to say that you would be happy to wait until the technician is ready. But delivery is everything. Hauteur and sarcasm -- if lightly, very lightly, applied -- are useful, while aggression and anger will elicit the reaction you received.

Imagine that a neutral third party is in the room, and that your goal is to convince that person that you are not returning rudeness for rudeness. If you can do this, you will not need to ask for a different technician, as the one provided will be embarrassed instead of angry.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner of 24 years has developed a habit, the past year or two, of finishing my sentences for me. I guess he seems to think that he knows me so well, he knows what I plan on saying.

When he finishes, I say, “May I finish what I was saying now?“ as a way of trying to nicely say, “That’s not what I was going to say.”

It has gotten to the point where I don’t even want to tell him anything, because it is so frustrating to be constantly interrupted. When he speaks to me, I give him my undivided attention, and don’t interrupt him.

Although I am disabled, and home all the time, I make it a point not to chatter all the time about things he has no interest in. If it wasn’t for my dog, I would probably be asking my doctor for antidepressants!

GENTLE READER: Your partner may not be as easy to train as the dog, but Miss Manners recommends trying, rather than reaching for pills.

She recommends not finishing what you were going to say. Instead, let him finish, and then say in the smug tone of someone judging a contest, “No! That wasn’t it!”

This forces him to ask, “Well, what was it?” to which you reply, “Oh, take another guess.” Repeat as often as necessary. With any luck, he will eventually tire of this little game.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After a long career in the public eye, and at age 74, I am withdrawing from most public activity to enjoy some years of traveling with my wife and contemplating nature. This means that the serious and very popular cultural events I produce must end, to the regret of the community. No one else is really able to continue the work. The events have been a major cultural and social success.

I’ve been asked several times how I feel about the sum of my experiences. Each time I’m asked, I consciously restrain myself from remarking that only twice in the past years have I been personally thanked, in any way, for any of the complimentary tickets I distribute lavishly. (And in those two instances, I received two separate thank-you notes from the same person.)

I was never motivated by a desire for personal credit. I have no interest in spreading bad feelings. But since I am not YOU, is there any way I can make a comment or take some action to let others know that it’s polite to express gratitude? Or do I remain silent -- politely?

GENTLE READER: Silence should not always be the price of politeness, Miss Manners believes. You could say, “I’ve loved doing this, and I hope others enjoyed it, but I don’t really know, because I never got any feedback.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When you receive a wedding gift prior to your wedding, do you open it and set it aside? Or do you open and use it? Of course, we always send thank-yous ASAP.

GENTLE READER: Good. There are those who mistakenly believe that they should wait to write until after the wedding -- and then plead that they are too busy.

You may use the presents right away, but Miss Manners warns you that you then incur another obligation: that of getting married. If you call off the wedding, the presents must be returned unused.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is voicemail dead? I can understand why friends and family might not leave a message, assuming that when I see their number in my “missed calls” list, I’ll get in touch. But I assumed I’d get a voicemail for anything more formal, and I’ve now been wrong about that twice in a month.

The first time, my computer was at a local shop for repairs. The techs planned to call me with a price quote. Several days went by before I finally called them.

They had my price quote, but they mentioned they’d “tried to call me.” I checked my missed calls, and finally matched them up with a call three days back. (It was not the number I’d expected them to call from.) There was no voicemail. They’d never tried calling again.

Not long afterward, I ordered eyeglasses through a major chain. It was a special order, expected to take several days, but I was told I’d get a call when they were ready. Some time later, wondering if I’d ever get my glasses, I found out history had repeated itself: There was one missed call from the glasses place; no voicemail, no callback.

Am I the one who’s out of touch here, to expect a voicemail, especially from a business? Is it just assumed that when we see a missed call, we’ll call back the number to find out what we missed? Imagine how many telemarketers and robots I’d reach if I called back every unfamiliar number that shows up on my phone! Do I have this wrong?

GENTLE READER: We have so many different ways of communicating nowadays that nobody seems to be able to reach anybody.

Some people don’t use the telephone function of their telephones. Some do not email and some do not text. Many do not write or read paper letters. And now you report businesses that don’t use voicemail.

There are so many possibilities that it might be easier to reach some people by saddling up the horse and running them down.

Miss Manners is afraid that there will have to be notations in address lists, indicating which method to use for whom. You can start by asking these shops what means of communication they prefer, and then use it to pester them until they tell you when your goods are ready.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Approaching the heavy wooden doors of a local university building, my husband and I were a few feet behind a man in a wheelchair who bypassed the door-opening button. My 84-year-old husband said, “I will get the door.”

The man addressed us with profane language, grabbed the door handle, jerked it open, and proceeded down a hall. He then yelled, “Yeah, help the d___ handicapped man.”

We were stunned. Should we not have tried to assist him?

GENTLE READER: Just what the world needs now: more people trying to stamp out the little courtesy that is left.

Opening a door for someone else, for whatever reason -- they have their hands full, you got there first -- is not an insult. By taking it as such, the person to whom you deferred is only making life more unpleasant for himself and everyone else.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)