DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was nominated for an award, which I did not win -- and that’s fine!

Prior to the awards ceremony, all nominees were given an invitation to the “losers’ party” after the ceremony. The party was off-site and we (losing nominees and our plus-ones) were taken there in a series of buses.

I was on the second bus, and when we arrived, we found out that entry into the party venue had been cut off due to capacity concerns. Our bus driver refused to take us back to the original venue, and we were all left standing in the street on a chilly evening, wearing our nice clothes -- “we” being at least 50 people.

We were then told to stand and wait, because if other people left, an equal number could be let in. Initially we were told that only nominees could enter, without our plus-ones, though this was later changed.

At that point, I physically couldn’t stand any longer (I have bad joints, and I know I’m not the only one with physical issues who was there) and I didn’t want to compete with my fellows to gain entry. Some cabs had thankfully been called at that point, so I left.

I’m honestly not even that mad about missing the party itself, since I’m not really a party person, but I feel like it was unconscionably rude to give out more invitations than there was space and then abandon us in the street outside, to find our way home at just shy of midnight in a city where public transit basically shuts down at 11 on a Sunday.

I’ve been told (though do take this with the large grain of salt that hearsay deserves) that the party venue was nearly full before any of the “losers” the party was supposedly for had arrived, because we were still all at the awards ceremony.

No apology or explanation has been given by the party organizers, and that’s really all I want. The radio silence feels like an implication that I’m being the unreasonable one for being upset I wasn’t allowed into a party I was explicitly invited to. Am I in the right or wrong here?

GENTLE READER: Since even the contingency plan had a contingency, Miss Manners assures you that you were wise to leave. There are only so many defeats one must reasonably have to endure in a single evening.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I realize that this is an indelicate subject, but it’s one that has been bothering me for a while. When a guest in someone’s house, is one expected to leave the toilet clean after use, or is it OK to leave splatter?

There is a cleaning brush nearby, so I feel there is no excuse for a dirty commode, except laziness. I also have this question when traveling with someone and sharing a bathroom. Am I being overly fastidious?

GENTLE READER: Not to the person who plans to use your bathroom next.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always been under some impression or guidance that guests wearing the bride’s chosen color scheme were honoring the bride’s family.

The rationale was that guests would send the message that they were so happy for the couple that they would appear to be part of the wedding party, even if only casually. Also, the wedding party would appear much larger than it actually is to an outside observer, and in photographs.

However, I have since learned that wearing the bride’s theme color, determined by save the date and invitation colors, was in fact offensive. Some brides have made a point to make their themes a secret, and I have wondered if that was the reason why.

GENTLE READER: Were you really under the impression that a bride’s childish affinity for a bubblegum-pink unicorn wedding had some secret underlying meaning? And are you now worried that if you sussed it out or paid tribute to it, you would be in danger of exposing the secret or falsely posing as family?

Miss Manners understands that unity in the bridal party is often symbolized through matching clothing. But the idea that a color may only be reserved for a certain category of attendees is just silly. She suggests, instead, that everyone stop thinking so much about this superficial detail -- and focus instead on the most important element of the wedding: the cake.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 10-year-old daughter was close friends with a 12-year-old girl in her class. Now, my daughter told me she has stopped talking to her friend because she consistently says “mean things,” uses profanity and physically displays jealousy (grabbing her arm) if my daughter pays attention to other friends.

My daughter said she has blocked her friend from communicating with her, and specifically requested that I respect her wishes and not communicate with the friend’s mother (whom I don’t have any relationship with).

I work in the law enforcement profession, and know that the friend’s family is involved in domestic disputes and other negative behaviors. I am torn, because my heart is sad that her friend behaves this way and that my daughter lost a friend, but I am proud of my daughter for making what I feel to be a mature, positive decision.

I can’t help but want to “meddle” and talk to the friend’s parents, but I want to respect my daughter’s wish to leave it alone. What advice do you have?

GENTLE READER: That you meddle, but indirectly and with discretion.

If you have real reason to believe that your daughter’s friend might be in danger, it seems to Miss Manners that your moral -- and professional -- obligation is to get involved. Since you are in law enforcement, you could see if it is possible to pass the task along to someone else with whom you work and trust. That way, it cannot be directly traced to you -- either by your daughter or by the girl’s family.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am attracted to a close friend of mine; however, she is engaged to someone else. From her attitude and what I am told by her, it seems she is less than satisfied with the relationship.

We get along well, and I feel an attraction between us. Were she simply dating, I would not feel awkward, and would not think twice about pursuing a relationship. Is it wrong to pursue another who is engaged unhappily?

GENTLE READER: Were she in the morals business, Miss Manners would answer “yes.” Being in the etiquette business, she answers “yes” -- but for a different reason.

Implying that your friend has both poor judgment -- she should not be engaged to her current suitor -- and is untrustworthy -- she has feelings for you, while engaged to another -- is impolite. It is also unlikely to be effective. Instead, listen sympathetically -- and wait.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Does one need to make any type of acknowledgment when having a conversation in which both people pronounce the same word differently? I’m not talking about words that have regional influences, such as “car” and “caah,” but more like “dachshund” (“dock-sund” vs. “dashhound”) and others.

I realize that both parties believe they are pronouncing the word the correct way; it’s just that sometimes I get this awkward feeling when we go back and forth multiple times using the same word, as if it’s “dueling pronunciations”! Does either party need to acknowledge this in some lighthearted way, or just go with it?

GENTLE READER: If you cannot change the subject or laugh it off (“Oh, I never knew how to pronounce that”), at least change the word. Miss Manners realizes this will be easier if it is not being used to identify which of many dogs are involved in this scrum.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have two cats, a siamese and an orange tabby, both about 2 years old. When the orange tabby uses her litter box, well, it’s just pungent and disgustingly smelly.

My husband just sits there and says, “When you have pets, they come with smells.” I beg to differ, and think we should eliminate the smells as much as possible. What if we had company over?

What’s the proper etiquette in these matters? I think even one use with fresh litter is one too many. I think he’s trying to gaslight me and he’s just being lazy!

GENTLE READER: Without questioning the motive behind your hypothetical addition of guests, Miss Manners cannot help noticing that it decides the issue in your favor.

Yes, if guests are present, smelly cat boxes should not be. This does not, however, settle the question you pose.

Household questions should be decided by mutual agreement, with both sides giving greater weight to situations that cause greater discomfort. It would seem that your husband would, if he considered it, concede that the discomfort of having to get up is less than the discomfort of smelling ... cats. And this can be further offset by relocating the cat box or by taking turns changing the litter.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)