DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are my polite options when two people on either side of my seat lean across me and talk to each other for an extended conversation? (I am the stranger; they seem to know each other.) This has happened on airplanes, at children’s programs and at the opera.

I’d like to be friendly, but often one person holds my arm back to keep me out of their way! I object to the touching, and also, of course, to the assumption that I don’t exist or don’t matter. I’ve pulled out a book and positioned it strategically on a plane, to some effect, but this isn’t appropriate at performances. Must I simply endure until they are finished?

GENTLE READER: Offer to change seats. This is more likely to be accepted in theaters than on airplanes, where no one wants the middle seat. But if you stand up and move into the aisle when you offer, Miss Manners would think they would find it awkward not to accept.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve seen two professional orchestral conductors wearing a white cummerbund with the white tie and tails of a man’s formal evening suit. Is the white pique waistcoat no longer the proper garment to wear with this suit? Fortunately, conductors have their back turned to us most of the time.

GENTLE READER: Fortunately. You are correct, but Miss Manners has seen worse on podiums, where a male desire to mess with formality has spread from the red carpet. A charitable explanation would be that the waistcoat somehow restricts those wildly waving arms.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s good friend is getting married to someone I have never been comfortable with; something about her did not feel right. When the invitation was received, my first and last name were spelled wrong, while my husband’s were not.

My husband got upset and emailed his friend, who responded, “not my lane.” There have been a few emails back and forth, with the last one offering to resend the invitation.

At this point, I am not wanting to attend the wedding because I feel this was intentional. Has this gone too far? Am I being too sensitive? Does the Big Day trump courtesy and etiquette?

GENTLE READER: Are you spoiling for a fight?

Call her naive, but Miss Manners has a hard time imagining any bride chortling as she deliberately misspells a guest’s name, thinking, “That’ll show her what I think of her.”

For that matter, your letter contained a misspelling and a missing apostrophe, which Miss Manners kindly supplied. But now you are worrying her: Had you put them there in order to insult her?

It is unpleasant to have one’s name misspelled, and people are often shockingly careless about their guest lists. But while having a Big Day is no excuse, it is hard to interpret extending a wedding invitation as a hostile act worthy of destroying a friendship. However, your husband might try pleading having had a Bad Day to excuse his quibbling to his friend.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is a business executive and I am a CEO for a nonprofit organization. His company’s leadership team is all male and socializes often, typically with dinner parties to which spouses are also invited. After dinner, the men most often retire to another area for cigars, leaving the spouses to converse until the evening is over.

The women are kind to me, but being the only one with a career and without children, I have little in common with them. Invariably, conversation quickly covers the latest fashions and television shows, followed by at least two hours discussing their children.

When I am occasionally asked about myself, I try to introduce a topic that might be of interest to all, but inevitably conversation returns to their children. I try to remain attentive, such that no one would suspect my profound boredom. Worse, I envy my husband, who is enjoying conversation about business leadership that I would find fascinating, and where I would enjoy engaging as a peer.

Our home is too small to host, so when we reciprocate, we plan a fun activity that encourages a more egalitarian social experience. While everyone professes to have had a good time, it is regarded as a one-time event and does not impact the social norm.

I want to support my husband, but I am finding these occasions increasingly excruciating. Other than “grin and bear it” or bowing out, do you have any suggestions that could help me engage or behave in a way that would make these events more satisfying for me?

GENTLE READER: Didn’t we solve this problem 50 years ago by banning business-related stag dinners? And haven’t we been trying, for just as long, to do away with the stereotype that mothers who are not in paid jobs are boring?

Well, maybe this set is. Parents do like to talk about their children.

But people tend to marry those with whom they have things in common even before they have children. If those husbands are interesting, it seems unlikely that the wives are all dullards. It is even possible that each one thinks that the others are, and restricts her conversation accordingly.

So although you do not have to attend those dinners, Miss Manners would like you to try again to draw them out. They probably have some interest in the business world, not only because of their husbands, but because so many are in it before being home with small children, and plan to reenter it. Perhaps they also do volunteer work and might be interested to hear about your nonprofit organization.

If you find even one kindred spirit, you could ask her to join you in crashing the stag party. That’s what we did in the days when that separation of the sexes after dinner was common.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a 21-year-old female who works closely with many people a lot older than I am. How do I politely respond to older women when they’re talking about the “joys of getting older,” i.e., hot flashes, loss of hair or memory, or anything that used to work that now doesn’t? I don’t want them to think I’m unsympathetic, but I also don’t want them to think I pity them.

GENTLE READER: “You’re certainly giving me something to look forward to.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On our daily dawn walk, my friend and I found $4 folded on the ground. No one was around. I said, “Oh! Coffee money!”

She picked it up and put it on a nearby picnic table. It was a small amount of cash, no wallet or ID, so why did I feel guilty for wanting to take it? Was she right? Was I wrong?

GENTLE READER: The only fault here was innocence. Miss Manners finds your friend’s action sweet, but naive. The reality is that you are only leaving it for the next passerby.

She therefore declares that unidentifiable cash under $100 is fair game. Unmarked suitcases with stacks of bills inside must, however, be turned in to the authorities.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I own a one-bedroom, one-bathroom place in a popular resort city. Every summer, our relatives (brothers, sisters, nephews and nieces) stay with us for periods ranging from one weekend to a whole week, although they don’t all visit at the same time.

On the bathroom sink, there is a bar of soap, my husband’s and my toothbrushes, toothpaste, shaving cream and various facial and skin care products. In the shower stall, there is shower gel and various hair care products. There is a guest hand-towel in the bathroom, and I give each guest a set of fresh towels for personal use.

Some of the guests bring their own toiletries, which they put on the sink and in the shower; others simply help themselves to what’s available without asking. I can tell because the bottles empty out quickly.

My husband is of the opinion that the shower gel, like the bar of soap and guest hand-towel, are for common use, while the skin and facial products and hair products are for personal use -- like the bath towels I give each guest -- even if we leave them in the bathroom. I argue that if we don’t want the guests to use those products, then we should at least put them in the bathroom cabinet out of sight. He counter-argues that that is inconvenient, and guests should only use their own products.

For the record, when I stay at someone’s place, I bring my own toiletries and keep them in a bag on the bedside table. What should the polite and courteous guests/hosts do?

GENTLE READER: You husband is relying on a Newtonian level of deductive reasoning from your guests to figure out what is for public use and what is not.

Miss Manners agrees with the principle: that guests should bring their own toiletries for use in a communal bathroom. However, if they cannot be trusted and you want to keep your personal items, well, personal, Miss Manners suggests a compromise: Put your own things away and then purchase economy-size versions of shampoo, conditioner and shower gel, so that it is very clear what is to be shared -- and what is not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)