DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know people are being nice when they ask if I had a nice Christmas, but I didn’t. My husband is dead, my only sibling is dead, my youngest child is dead and my other child is not having anything to do with me because I sold my home and moved to a smaller one. And I have a mother in a nursing home with dementia, who picked Christmas day to kick me hard in the shin three times when I was trying to help her.

When people ask about my Christmas, I just say, “It was OK.” Should I tell them how I really felt about that day?

GENTLE READER: Only if your intention is to ruin theirs.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the years, I have been asked to give advice on various people’s paths through life, based on my own. There is no conversation I am less inclined to have, since I have little available time, am repelled by the idea of discussing my private affairs with a complete stranger, and consider that I am in no position to advise anyone.

Yet such an interview has been proposed by more than one young person, or the young person’s relative, as if there were a generally accepted social obligation to accede to it. When I say that I am sorry but I cannot, they appear surprised and offended.

Can Miss Manners suggest a more delicate way of refusing such a request, which is not meant to be, but that I consider to be, offensively intrusive and an unwarranted imposition on my time?

GENTLE READER: Intrusive? Is it possible that there are people left on this self-publicizing Earth who do not want to regale unsuspecting audiences with all the minutiae of their lives? Miss Manners is torn between admiration and admonition -- the latter for the fact that you do not find it flattering to want to be emulated.

However, she will help you out by arming you with this sentence if you promise to utter it kindly: “I am flattered, but I am afraid that my life’s path, in all of its lengthy details, would bore you. If you have a specific question about my field, I would be happy to answer it.” Then, at the very least, your admirers will have to go away for a while and do some research before attempting to bother you again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a server, I happily extend hospitality to the entire spectrum of society, using “sir,” “ma’am,” “ladies,” etc. when addressing guests.

On occasion, I’m perplexed when ladies dressed in matching, masculine clothes dine at a table I’m serving. I feel awkward using both “ma’am” and “sir.” I’m not certain which they would prefer, and certainly do not want to offend.

GENTLE READER: Avoid giving titles entirely. Use “everyone” and “anyone” wherever possible, as in “Does everyone have everything they need?” or “Does anyone need anything?” When in doubt -- or when trying to single someone out -- Miss Manners highly recommends eye contact.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I own and operate a small jewelry store in a largely military area, where our business serves mostly working-class and lower-middle-class people. We have been around for a long time and have a good senior citizen customer base.

We’ve set our margins to the minimum we need to charge in order to keep a brick-and-mortar location, and to make an OK living at what we do. We are not getting rich by any definition of the word.

No matter how many times I’ve been asked, I still stumble around answering the question of whether we offer a discount to military personnel or senior citizens. In order to be able to afford to do that, we would basically have to raise our pricing by whatever discount was offered to those groups, which would adversely affect the working-class people that make up the other part of our customer base.

Many handle my, “No, I’m sorry, we don’t” pretty well, but I need something more to smooth over those who feel entitled to a discount. Some invariably act offended that I’m not appreciative of their service to our country or their advanced age. Will you please help me with a nicer way to convey this?

GENTLE READER: Whole industries have attempted to preempt such criticisms by being on perpetual sale. Miss Manners could have told them that this would not solve the problem. The people who complain are not as interested in the discount as in being singled out for special treatment.

The solution is to express genuine gratitude and admiration for them. Then explain that, since the vast majority of your customers are in their exact situation, you have already lowered all your prices relative to the competition. That seemed, to you, less insulting to their intelligence -- and more respectful of their time -- than creating a discount that nearly every one of your customers would receive.

You may then insult their intelligence by describing their profession as “service,” their age as “seniority” or their poverty as being due to their status as a “working family.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there ever a meal casual enough to allow the host to plate meals for guests at the stove, rather than putting serving dishes on the table? I got into the habit of doing this because it is how I feed my immediate family, and I usually only have one or two close friends as guests.

When my in-laws are over for a formal meal (or, as formal as they get in my home), I do put out serving dishes. Is it ever acceptable to fill a guest’s bowl with a stew or chili and place it on the table that way?

GENTLE READER: It may surprise readers to learn that Miss Manners does not object to informality, only to cheapening it by applying it universally.

Formality and informality can both be signs of respect to a guest: formality, by demonstrating a willingness to do more; informality, by demonstrating intimacy. Family-style with intimate friends is justified when you think of them as family.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one go about politely refusing the entreaties of old friends to reconnect?

I have so many demands on my time as it is. My hands are already full maintaining existing friendships, and I don’t wish to put in the effort to reconnect with someone I haven’t seen in years.

There may be a time in my life when the demands are fewer, but right now is not that time. “Sorry, I’m 31 now and I’ve become very discriminating about who I spend my free time with” lacks tact.

GENTLE READER: So, Miss Manners would have thought, does ignoring requests, but, at least with electronic communication, this is the widely accepted solution.

Etiquette accepts this by inventing the fiction that perhaps the communication was misdirected to spam or the receiver is not an expert at modern technology. The nontechnical equivalent for direct entreaties is the vague response (“Oh, we’d love to, but right now things are very busy”), repeated to exhaustion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a little conundrum. I currently live in my late parents’ home as the trustee to their estate. My siblings and I are in the process of selling the house, and I will be moving soon. My parents lived in this home for many decades.

My mother received both of her parents’ ashes when they passed, and she buried them in her front yard and made a little handmade headstone. I’m conflicted about moving away and leaving my grandparents there. But I don’t know if this is an etiquette issue or some ancient taboo thing that I would be violating if I chose to dig up their ashes and headstone and take them with me.

None of my siblings seemed to care about doing anything with them when I mentioned it. Is there any protocol I should know about this?

GENTLE READER: Disinterments are not to be done lightly, but you have another problem, which Miss Manners informs you of with the utmost respect: You presumably would prefer to avoid a discussion with the new owners about who is interred on the property.

The good news is that the ashes are likely self-contained, which will make recovering them easier. Although your siblings have not expressed any concern, they, and you, might appreciate a respectful reburial of the ashes somewhere that is less likely to be disturbed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a potluck dinner attended by households of varying sizes (i.e. some singles, some couples, some families with children), should attendees bring one dish per person, or one dish per household?

GENTLE READER: Because she believes that it is the host’s responsibility to feed the guests, Miss Manners looks on default potlucks with suspicion.

But recognizing that they have their place, and in the interest of feeding the hungry, she recommends a target for each household unit attending of one serving per guest. Not wanting to burden guests further, she decrees that if you provide both eclairs and cheesecake, guests may have to choose one or the other. Should more specifics be needed, surely the hostess, who has been relieved of the bulk of her own duties, will have time to address them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)