DEAR MISS MANNERS: I commute by bicycle, and I walk many miles on the sidewalks of the dense inner city in which I live and work. I often call out expressions of encouragement to the people I observe in traffic, such as, “You go, girl, right through that red light! VIPs don’t need to stop!” and “No need to park in a driveway when you can double-park in the bike lane!” and, to pedestrians, “Please, take your time crossing against the light. Your time’s more important than everyone else’s!”

I notice that the objects of my enthusiasm often respond with vulgar insults, obscene gestures and threats of violence. Am I missing something? Has my cheerleading been a breach of good manners?

GENTLE READER: Why, those people are just cheerleading you when they encourage you to do something to yourself. It is true that your insults are less crudely worded, but they are clearly insults, and they inspire retaliatory insults.

You started it. And Miss Manners is asking you to stop. You are making a public nuisance of yourself. Even she does not have license to go around the streets, criticizing people unasked. It is rude, and the only change it makes in behavior is for the worse.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one respond to unwanted gifts received while traveling to visit friends and family?

We live overseas, but we make an effort to visit family in the U.S. at least once a year -- a trip that involves a one- or two-hour train ride, followed by a 12-hour plane ride, all with two children under 5.

Before visiting, we explain to everyone that we will have no room in our luggage and request no gifts. Despite this, many family members give us things, saying, “It’s small and easy to pack.” If 10 people give “small and easy to pack” gifts, that’s a carry-on bag’s worth of gifts. Since we’re already at max capacity with luggage, we end up having to make a stop at the post office to ship things back, which can cost over $100.

I don’t want to seem ungracious, and I know these people mean well, but how else can we explain the situation without seeming rude? A handwritten card would be just as personal as any trinket, or, if someone really wants to give us something, it can be shipped to where we live. This has been going on for three years and we’re starting to rethink our visits.

GENTLE READER: No, no, you are not going to cut off your relatives for the act of showering you with presents. This does not qualify as cause for breaking up families.

Still, Miss Manners sympathizes with the inconvenience they cause you. As they do not accept that in words, she is afraid that we will have to turn to deeds.

Thanking them without reservation at the time, you could wait until just before you leave to plead for a big favor. You find you cannot pack these wonderful things, and, as your time is short, hope that they will do you the great kindness of sending them to you. You should offer to pay. The nuisance of packing and posting it all will serve to illustrate the problem.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are you supposed to tip if your meal is free due to bad service?

The other night, we went out to eat. The hostess seated us with menus, but then no one took our drink order or spoke to us for quite a long time. They continued waiting on customers who arrived after us, some of whom already had their food before they realized the mistake. They apologized repeatedly and said our food and drinks would be free of charge.

We estimated what the bill probably would have been and gave them about 50% tip, feeling generous due to the fact that we weren’t paying for dinner.

GENTLE READER: Well, this is a fine conundrum. You were given bad service, but the food was fine. So you paid for the service, not for the food. What a world.

Miss Manners will refrain from lecturing the country yet again on why tipping is a terrible custom (workers should instead be given a decent wage), because this ridiculous situation defies logic itself. Until we reform the system, however, your solution -- for what seemed to be an honest mistake -- was as good as any. The irony is rich, however, that the only one who did not come out ahead in all of this was the innocent chef, who did his or her job well.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are raising two children, ages 4 years and 17 months. One of our favorite go-to breakfast foods is a bowl of cereal. Here’s our kitchen quandary: When all the cereal is gone from the bowl, my 4-year-old drinks the remaining milk from the bowl.

I did that growing up, and I thought that’s what most people did, but apparently not. My husband thinks it is terrible, so he started teaching her to drink the milk from the spoon.

I never paid that much attention to how he ate cereal pre-kids, but it is somewhat amusing to watch the two of them ingest what seems like endless teaspoons of cereal milk, when they could save time by just drinking the remainder directly from the bowl. However, the big mess on the table my 4-year-old makes from scooping and splashing the milk compelled me to seek answers.

Can you solve this for us? Is it a ghastly sight to drink the milk from the cereal bowl, or is the bigger faux pas the loud, repetitive suctioning of milk from a spoon at a fast pace?

GENTLE READER: Are these the only options? While there is such a thing as at-home manners versus public ones, Miss Manners is in agreement with your husband that it is never too early to start instilling social ones, particularly at an age when it is too easy to conflate the two (e.g., “But Mommy, I’ve seen you eat food from other people’s plates when we’re at home”).

If your husband is going to the trouble to teach the children how to use a spoon, then he -- and you -- must also have the patience to wait out the learning period, as they master it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother-in-law has made sexually inappropriate remarks to me on a few different occasions. At a family wedding, he came up to me and hugged me with his full body, touching his private area to my leg. He did not hug with just the upper body portion, as is customary.

After each of the comments, I told him to cut it out. At the wedding, I gave him a very disapproving look and walked away, avoiding him the rest of the time.

He used to be a frequent guest at my house (we live in a different state). When he wanted to come and visit again, I had to insist to my husband that this brother is no longer welcome.

My husband got involved at that point, for the first time -- he had refused to do so beforehand, even though all of the events took place while he was present (but not within hearing or seeing distance, except once, which he laughed off). The brother sent me a card apologizing “if anything he did made me uncomfortable.” My husband felt that was satisfactory.

There was another family wedding, where I was able to steer clear of him. He did, however, come up to me the next day at a related event to say hi while I was alone at a food table. I said hi and walked away.

My husband tries to “get it,” but doesn’t really seem to. My sons’ reactions are similar, and all have continued their relationships with him just as before. It seems like the problem just falls on me whenever there are family get-togethers.

Am I obligated to accept the apology to keep the peace? Should my husband and sons support me more? Do I need to put this behind me, even though I’m now on edge even at the prospect of having to be around him? I prefer not to go at all, whenever possible. My sister-in-law (his wife) wonders why I’m not as friendly with her.

GENTLE READER: “I’m sorry that you felt uncomfortable” is not an apology for one’s behavior, only for the victim’s reaction to it. Miss Manners is in agreement with you that it is not enough -- particularly when the misbehavior occurred multiple times.

This man would have to show you through his actions that he had reformed, and Miss Manners does not blame you for not wanting to give him the opportunity.

Worse, as is grossly typical of these situations, you are now the one who is considered the nuisance, not he who committed the indiscretion. Your husband should speak to his brother frankly -- accompanied by the threat, if necessary, of explaining to his wife why you have been distant.

If your husband is not willing to get involved for your sake, perhaps you can persuade him to do so on behalf of his sons. Surely he does not want your brother-in-law’s behavior -- or his own complicity -- imitated in the future by them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)