DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have two great-nieces, ages 6 and 3. Ever since I can remember, the 6-year-old has insisted on “helping” people open their gifts, to the point of opening the gift and giving it to the recipient.

Everyone thinks it is so cute. I do not; I think it’s ill-mannered. When I buy a gift for anyone, I want the person receiving it to open it and know it’s from me.

For the 3-year-old’s birthday, I bought her something I knew she would love. I prepared for the 6-year-old to zoom in on the opening of gifts, and, sure enough, she started to open my gift and the card. As gracefully as possible, I went over to the 6-year-old and said, “Please let her open her own gift and card.”

The children’s mother and grandmother insisted she was just trying to help, and tsk-tsked me as everyone looked on. The 3-year-old enjoyed her gift with such delight and was oblivious to any of the silliness that occurred. She happily continued “opening” her gifts after the 6-year-old had already opened them and passed them to her.

Later, the mother, my niece, called me aside and said the 6-year-old was crying and upset that I asked her not to open the gifts. (This was after she “helped open” all the other gifts.) I said, “When I give a gift to your girls, or anyone, I want them to enjoy opening them, respectively. If you want me to talk to the 6-year old, I will explain how I feel.” She said, “No, it’s OK.”

I think it’s wrong of my niece and her mother (my sister-in-law) to continue to promote such bad manners. I now hear that the 3-year-old is passing the same ill manners down to their 1-year-old cousin.

GENTLE READER: This is a problem that will soon solve itself, as the children get older, decide that they are tired of being outranked and start to fight back.

For now, however, Miss Manners recommends that you stay out of it, except when it comes to presents given to you. Then you may say, “Thank you, but I like to open gifts by myself, just as you do.“ If you want to expedite the process, you may add conspiratorially to the youngest victim, “Right, Millie? Isn’t it fun to open your own presents?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was over for dinner at the home of a delightful family whom I do not yet know well, and I would love to return the favor. However, I know that for a variety of reasons, they would not be able to eat anything cooked in my home. In a situation like this, what would Miss Manners do?

GENTLE READER: Invite them to an event that does not require food. A performance of something, for example, or a sporting event. And if there are refreshments available for purchase and your new friends partake, Miss Manners suggests you quickly take note of the ingredients or caterer.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sometimes host cocktail hours at my home for people in my industry. The company that supplies the bartender prohibits a tip jar and adds a 21% service charge to their bill, of which the contract states 18% goes to the service staff.

This compensates the bartender at a living wage and then some. Still, some guests insist on sliding across dollar bills, which makes others reach into their wallets, too, which defeats part of my hospitality. Is there a way to tell people that staff in my home have already been fully tipped (a practice I find abhorrent anyway)?

GENTLE READER: Before the guests arrive, assemble the service staff, say how much you are looking forward to the party, thank them profusely -- and remind them that, as a demonstration of that gratitude, they will be receiving 18% of the bill as tips so that guests may enjoy themselves.

After the party starts, intercept the first tip and return the money to your guest, asking that they please not worry themselves: You have already ensured that everyone is being fairly compensated.

Miss Manners notes that this will go better if you have used your pregame meeting to identify the server least likely to grimace behind you when you return your guest’s money. As a party game, everyone could then go looking for the unexplained 3% that has been added to your bill.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Along in years, I have moved to a new city. I was glad to find a weekly bridge game at the local community center, and I looked forward to enjoying the game and meeting some new people.

I am a low-to-average bridge player, but nobody has made me leave because of my playing -- until this meeting. My partner was so critical that I was shocked.

What I was taught was that your first responsibility was to be sure your partner had a good time. I did not have a good time. I’m finding it hard to go back and try again. What good way could I have handled the situation?

GENTLE READER: There is a strategy that newcomers to multiplayer games can employ to head off such behavior. That is to ask the expected skill level before joining -- and firmly protest your own shortcomings before the game begins.

While this warns would-be partners what to expect, Miss Manners recognizes that it runs the risk of your coming under suspicion later if you turn out to be the best player in the room.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At what age should a man say “no” if he is asked to be a groomsman by a 20-year-old?

GENTLE READER: Age can be used as a shield against many unpleasant tasks, but Miss Manners would have thought that being asked to be a groomsman is both flattering and enjoyable. As the bridegroom making the request is likely a friend or family member, any refusal is going to have to rely on something other than age -- more “I’m so sorry, that’s when my surgery is planned” and less “I don’t like morning dress.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work for a major airline, where our first-class trays are preset and the flatware is wrapped in a napkin, already on the tray. If I place the tray down properly, the entree is closest to the customer, salad and bread are at the top of the tray, and the flatware roll-up is on the right.

This bugs me, because I believe etiquette dictates flatware should be on the left. Do I continue to badger the company and our caterers to place it on the left? Or, because it is rolled-up flatware and not a formal place setting, can it be casually placed on the right?

GENTLE READER: Continue badgering the company, although Miss Manners wonders if some airlines have not become immune to constructive criticism. You may also rearrange the flatware yourself before serving -- assuming catering has not responded to your suggestions by shrink-wrapping the lot.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been dating a wonderful man for a while, but he has the unfortunate habits of loudly chewing with his mouth open and not covering his mouth when sneezing.

When I first noticed his chewing, before I could think of how to tactfully say anything, he offered up a story about how his unpleasant stepmother used to embarrass him in public by telling him to chew with his mouth shut, and how it has given him great anxiety, and how traumatic it was to have it called to everyone’s attention. He said he did it because he had trouble breathing due to allergies.

When he has repeated this behavior, I eventually tried asking if his allergies were bothering him, instead of directly mentioning that his mouth was open, but he always said no and continued to masticate clamorously.

As he has intense anxiety issues in other areas, I am afraid to bluntly discuss the issue after the story about his stepmother. I’ve also noticed he sneezes without covering his mouth or nose, which I find quite disgusting. When he did so in a closed car with me, I directly asked him to please cover his mouth when he sneezed, to which he replied he hadn’t had time, but he has continued the behavior both indoors and out.

I’ve repeated the request, and he has pretended he didn’t hear me. Otherwise he is quite clean, but is there any way to salvage these manners?

GENTLE READER: Your boyfriend knows his behavior is unpleasant, indefensible -- and that it bothers you. This puts you, who do not wish to hurt his feelings, in an uncomfortable situation. Yet rather than help you out, he has added a new obstacle: If you raise the topic, you are told you will be equated with a stepmother who traumatized him.

Miss Manners might agree that this behavior is, under the correct use of the word, awesome, but not that it is wonderful. Fortunately, it is also inept. Express horror that his stepmother would have corrected his behavior in public, but understanding that she was trying to protect him from the revulsion many people have to such behavior. You would never publicly embarrass him, but you care about him too deeply not to say anything in private.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)