DEAR MISS MANNERS: A popular lunchtime meal is soup in a bread bowl: a small, round loaf of sourdough bread that has its center carved out and filled with soup, often clam chowder.

The etiquette problem comes when you have finished the soup portion. Are you then supposed to use a little plastic knife and fork to cut up the bread? Metal utensils are usually not available at establishments that sell this type of meal. Or is tearing it apart with your pinkies aimed skyward permissible? Sourdough bread is tasty, and it seems a waste to leave it behind.

GENTLE READER: The purveyors of bread bowls are not the first etiquette wags to entertain themselves by making the guests eat the packaging. Ice cream cones are a summertime example, while desserts served in edible marzipan cups date to at least the 18th century. The proper -- indeed, the only -- procedure is to consume the container in a way that does not leave the contents all over one’s clothes.

In the case of a bread bowl, this can be done after the soup is finished either with real utensils (i.e., not plastic) or hands, depending on the formality of the meal. Miss Manners would not attempt to cut soup-soaked bread with a plastic knife even if she owned a skirt with a clam chowder pattern.

But please stop making cracks about pinkies. As a practical way of holding a hot, handleless china cup in the 18th century, it is an anachronistic way to suggest snobbery.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I contributed to a group gift for a friend. Two of us contributed only monetarily, while the third person also purchased the items and delivered them. When the gift was dropped off, it was made clear to the recipient that it was from the three of us.

As of yet, I have not received any acknowledgment of the gift, unless you include a forwarded email wherein the giftee profusely thanked the person who delivered the gift, but did not mention myself or the other person. While I understand 99% of the gift entailed shopping and delivering, I still feel as though myself and the second gift-giver should be acknowledged.

This has happened to me in the past, with a wedding gift where my contribution was much higher. I was embarrassed to think the wedding couple did not think I gave them a gift, but let it slide without saying anything.

In this case, I would like the giftee to know I cared enough to think of them. How should I approach this? And, for the future, is there a way to ensure this doesn’t happen again, aside from refraining from group gifts?

GENTLE READER: Every gift-giver is entitled to a letter of thanks. But Miss Manners says this with slightly less than her usual conviction, having noticed that your own effort was reduced to writing a check.

Her solution is to assume that the giftee made no such observation, but perhaps missed your contribution because of the extremely informal way in which it was communicated. Ask the purchaser to correct the misassumption, and next time, arrange to include handwritten cards from each of the donors.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the “olde days,” I would receive emails in which I was addressed as “Dear Dr. X,” which indicated a level of formality, and the use of “Dear” did not denote any romantic implications. I also used the “Dear” salutation in my emails to other people. (I’m a college professor, by the way.)

Lately, however, I’m receiving emails addressed as “Hi, (First Name),” which, though it eliminates any romantic implications from the use of the word “dear,” strikes me as inappropriately casual for a business setting.

Is this now the proper, accepted salutation that people use in business emails? Should I be using “Hi, Miss Manners” or “Dear Miss Manners” in the salutations of my business emails and printed letters?

GENTLE READER: Let us remain on dear terms, please. It is true that those who believe in universal informality and can’t stop messing with conventions now use “Hi” as a salutation, even professionally. Miss Manners does not consider that a reason for more dignified people to succumb.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A distant cousin invited my entire branch of the family to his wedding, except for me. I assume this to be an innocent mistake, because we don’t have enough of a relationship for him to have a grudge against me. Since I wouldn’t have been able to travel to the wedding destination on the weekend in question, I didn’t see any reason to try to correct the mistake.

At the wedding, my grandmother figured out that I hadn’t been invited and made a snarky comment to the mother of the groom. A few days later, my cousin and his mother angrily asked me why I didn’t tell them about the missing invitation, insisting that they had intended to invite me all along.

I was taken aback by this confrontation and apologized immediately, but the apology leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Did I owe them an apology? If not, how could I have responded gracefully?

GENTLE READER: Your cousin’s behavior does not pass Miss Manners’ sniff test.

It is ridiculous to expect the supposed recipient to report the absence of an unheralded invitation. Rather than apologizing, you might reasonably have asked how you were supposed to know it had been sent.

But the bigger giveaway is their response. People whose mail goes astray may get angry at the postal service, but not at the would-be recipient. And they turn apologetic, rather than demanding apologies.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in the South, where it is apparently acceptable behavior to ask someone on even the slightest acquaintance what church they attend.

Miss Manners, I do not attend church in the traditional sense. I follow an Earth-based spiritual path that, in centuries previous, led to followers being hanged, burned at the stake and drowned.

I do not wish to impart this information to those asking me the above question. I have not been able to formulate an acceptable answer. What would Miss Manners suggest?

GENTLE READER: Well, that description does sound like an effective conversation-stopper, but Miss Manners agrees that it is just as well not to use it. That phrase about “not in the traditional sense” is a lot better, but it would be good to turn the question around and allow the questioner to extol the virtues of his or her church.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On my commute this morning, I ran into a co-worker on public transit. She is perhaps 25 years older than I am. She said that she didn’t realize I lived near her, and I clarified that I don’t, but that I was coming from my boyfriend’s home in the neighborhood.

My co-worker seemed very taken aback, as if I had revealed something scandalous, and said, “You shouldn’t tell people that!” I was wrong-footed.

Is it true that etiquette dictates I should not allude to sleeping at my boyfriend’s home? It feels rather Victorian to avoid even the mention of a premarital sleepover; I certainly didn’t mention any private details!

My co-worker’s attitude seems out of step with the norms of the day, but I am now nervous that I have been ignorant and embarrassing myself. If Miss Manners corrects me, I will certainly abide by her wisdom in the future and maintain the polite fiction that I was simply having an overnight visit with a friend in the neighborhood.

GENTLE READER: Your co-worker’s attitude was more Victorian than you realize.

The popular notion that Victorians did not widely practice sex would open the question of how we got here. But they also practiced something else: discretion. They had the sense to realize that life is easier when activities are kept secret -- not only from spouses and other interested parties, but from society in general, so as not to violate its expectations.

It is true that social expectations change. With the apparent exception of your co-worker, no one is actually shocked by nonmarital overnight visits. People may disapprove, which makes it sensible to refrain from flaunting it, but Miss Manners imagines that a mere mention of where you were would not provoke alarm.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who often invites herself to my home for various events (Thanksgiving, sporting events on TV, etc). She always adds the phrase, “Oh, look at me inviting myself!”

I am quite uncomfortable with this, and usually just change the subject or murmur, “I’ll let you know.”

Can you kindly tell me what the best response is to someone who invites herself when I’m not interested in hosting her?

GENTLE READER: As your friend is issuing invitations, you may treat them as such, reversing the usual host-guest dialogue. So what Miss Manners suggests you say is, “Oh, I’m so sorry, but I have to decline. Another time, perhaps.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I never, ever return gifts to the sender. I always thank them and keep them. However, I have a gift I received 15 years ago (a doll). Never liked it, but I know the giver did.

I am cleaning house. Can I offer it back, with the plausible excuse of knowing the giver loved it? Do I get a pass if I am 80 years old? Is there ever a good excuse to return a gift?

GENTLE READER: You get a pass for being 80, but not if you refer to getting rid of their offerings as “cleaning house.” You call it “downsizing,” and wanting to make sure that the doll will be in good, loving hands.

Yes, it is morbid and treacly, but Miss Manners considers it better than “Here’s your stuff back.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)