DEAR MISS MANNERS: Upon being asked by my daughter’s future mother-in-law for my thoughts on a bridal shower, I texted my daughter before answering. The maid of honor is my 20-year-old, so I offered to pay for the bridal party to host a shower at a local, trendy brunch spot, inviting future MIL, daughter’s stepmother, and all grandmothers.

My daughter then let me know that she and her fiance preferred to ask her stepmother and father to host it at their house instead. I let her know that I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. When it wasn’t dropped, I was impolite and stated, “I love you, but I don’t love anyone enough to sit in Daddy’s house with his parents and family.”

I have always been a good co-parent. I made sure we all sat together at every school program and graduation since elementary school. We did college move-in days together. I made sure my girls’ sister from their stepmother’s first marriage was in every picture with my girls at these occasions.

However, this seemed a boundary I needed to draw, especially since the shower was not yet planned.

She asked her stepmother, and perhaps shared my response. Her stepmother then offered to host at a restaurant instead. I explained to my daughter that there was never any issue with coming together as a family, and an alternate location in the middle would have been fine from the start.

But she and her fiance are deeply hurt and feel as though I was not willing to “suck it up” to celebrate them, and that my issues “should not fall back on them because it’s not their fault.”

I certainly wasn’t refusing to see anybody, and had not expressed a negative opinion about having to see them at the wedding.

Besides the reactive, impolite way I set my boundary, have I demonstrated poor etiquette by preferring a more neutral location? I am struck by my daughter’s reaction and reminded her that she might need to take a step back and consider how I have always carried myself, and loved and supported her. On every other matter, I have told her that it’s her wedding and to do it her way. Please advise me on my missteps and what apologies I may owe.

GENTLE READER: Mistakes have been made, starting with the idea that any parents should be giving the bridal shower. Obeying that would solve the entire problem.

And it is a mistake to give your daughter the impression that she can have her way with her wedding without regard to other people’s feelings.

All that aside, you made a reasonable request. But Miss Manners fears that this may have negative repercussions. You will not want to be excluded from future family events “because of that thing with the shower.” So in the interest of family harmony, she suggests that you express thanks and mild apologies to both your daughter and her stepmother. Take comfort from knowing that Miss Manners absolves you from the rudeness of which you accuse yourself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there an ungendered term for “hostess gift”?

GENTLE READER: Yes. “Gift.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a man and woman eat at a restaurant, who should enter a booth first and slide over? The man would enter a car or boat first, if it were to be entered only from one side, and thus experience the inconvenience of sliding over. However, a man walks on the street side to protect the lady from unpleasantness from the street. That logic would put the lady in the booth first, with the man on the outside.

GENTLE READER: Assuming that the restaurant is not unpleasant, the car-boat rule applies -- although, as with transportation, professional manners substitute rank for gender.

That can be tricky, as a subordinate might not want to slide in first if there were a danger of leaving the boss feeling snubbed. If you believe that your companion -- be it your boss or your date -- will not understand your intentions, Miss Manners suggests being explicit: “Let me just slide over so you don’t have to.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My social circle and I have reached the age where our parents are starting to pass away. When a friend loses a parent, but there is no significant other or child involved, I know exactly how to address the sympathy card and envelope. But if someone is married and has a family, what then?

For instance, if someone’s mother dies, and she was also a mother-in-law and grandmother, does that need to be noted? Or is the card just for the immediate family member?

I have wound up sending cards addressed to the family as a whole, and writing things inside like, “Dear Bob, Carol, Ted, Alice, Jimmy and Sally: So sorry about the passing of your mother/mother-in-law/grandma,” but that seems far too unwieldy. Should I send separate cards? Limit it to the offspring only?

GENTLE READER: The principal mourner -- a spouse or partner, then an oldest child, then a parent, then a sibling -- is important for many reasons. One of these is being the recipient of the condolence letter, who can be asked to convey the writer’s condolences to the rest of the family. In addition, there is often a family member designated to handle funeral arrangements -- and adjudicate disagreements -- in the name of the principal mourner.

Miss Manners would think you would also want to write a condolence letter to the relative with whom you have the closest connection, although you can ask that it be conveyed to the others. In any case, your sympathy should be expressed to other relatives at the funeral.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a woman needs to wear both a nametag and a piece of jewelry, such as a brooch, what is the correct placement for each?

GENTLE READER: The French word for looking as if you do not own a mirror -- deshabille -- does not carry the same unpleasant connotations as the English word “unkempt.”

But the latter is, in Miss Manners’ experience, more likely to capture correctly the impression you are likely to leave, should you attempt to wear both items closely together. When donning a nametag, the sensible woman adjusts her jewelry, moving brooches to a symmetrical position, or pocketing items that cannot be reconciled.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The train I take to commute to work is composed of rows of two seats: one window seat and one aisle seat. Inevitably when I board, the only seats left are the aisle seats.

Because I ride the train for five stops, it is often the case that my seat companion wants to get off before my stop. Almost always, I am either kindly asked to get up while the train is still moving, or my companion wordlessly stands up, also while the train is still moving, to prompt me to get up.

I would hate to make the person late for something; however, I do not like getting up while the train is moving. This is because it often lurches in one direction or another, especially as it is braking for its stop, and I am thrown around, trying to balance my belongings.

Sometimes I ask if we could please wait for the train to fully stop. A few people say “no problem,” but more often, they are bothered -- understandably, because I am essentially holding them hostage in their seat until the train fully stops. What is the proper train etiquette in this scenario?

GENTLE READER: Most transportation systems subject their customers to some level of discomfort and inconvenience. (This is, Miss Manners believes, why one hears so many announcements in transit on how much the company cares about its passengers.) Trains make noise, they lurch, and space is at a premium.

Polite passengers (presuming that they are not in need of special accommodation) give more weight to the comfort of fellow passengers than to their own. This means offering seats, making room in the aisle -- and getting up when the inside passenger requests. Remember that another inconvenience of commuter trains is that they hurry people on and off: An inside passenger may have good reason to worry about the time allowed for disembarking.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my favorite dishes at a local restaurant includes strips of chicken, marinated and grilled on small skewers. What is the proper way to eat this?

Does one pick up each end of the skewer and daintily nibble away? Or does the diner use cutlery to slide the chicken off the skewer and proceed with a knife and fork?

I have tried both methods. Other diners appear to take no notice of either, but I want to do this properly. The eating establishment is very casual -- a ribs and wings place, not a linen tablecloth in sight. Does that matter?

GENTLE READER: Grasp one end of the skewer and use your fork to push everything onto the plate, where it may then be eaten in the normal way.

In addition to this method being formal enough for any occasion, so you don’t need to check for tablecloths, Miss Manners prefers this method because even she is not dainty enough to remove the last piece of meat from the bottom of the skewer without the danger of sending pieces flying -- or, more to the point, skewering herself.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)