DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have noticed during my years of passing out candy to trick-or-treaters that there is, on occasion, an infant in a stroller too young to eat actual food, but with a bucket in their stroller and their parents saying “trick or treat” for them.

I usually say something like, “Oh, a baby can’t eat candy,” and don’t put any in their bucket, since it’s obvious that it’s for the parents and not the infant. I will also tell the adults that the candy is for the kids, or sometimes just skip over their bag or bucket. One year, I had an adult get pretty irritated that I said the candy was for the kids.

I feel there is an unwritten rule that trick-or-treating is for kids, not adults. Just like I don’t think that an adult would go sit on Santa’s lap and tell him what they want for Christmas, or have someone hide Easter eggs for them, or have the tooth fairy leave money under their pillow should they lose a tooth.

My husband suggested I ask you: Am I being a candy Scrooge? Should I give candy to infants and adults?

GENTLE READER: It should not surprise Miss Manners to hear that an adult shameless enough metaphorically to steal candy from a baby is willing to use that baby as a shield against adult criticism.

But it does demonstrate that the adult is not confident that the angels are on his side; if so, they would have dispensed with the baby.

By refusing candy, you are calling the adult a liar -- and even liars are offended by such an accusation. Better to play along, ask what candy the baby likes, and hand the requested item to the infant. This will cost you one piece of candy, but it is worth the non-metaphorical problem you have now created for the misbehaving adult.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am annoyed with many people saying to me, “Remind me.” I thought I was dealing with adults.

It can be about almost anything -- an event, giving a donation to a fundraiser, a store or movie they want to visit or see, lunch or dinner get-togethers. I have enough of my own personal agendas to remember for myself.

I have a calendar on my refrigerator for everything. I don’t have space for reminders for other people. Sometimes I say back, “Who’s going to remind ME to remind you?” How can this be handled without seeming sarcastic and sounding snarky?

GENTLE READER: The way to avoid seeming sarcastic or snarky is not to be sarcastic or snarky. “I’m sorry, but you know I have a terrible memory” is blunt without being impolite.

Miss Manners would have thought the more pressing question was how to change these peoples’ behavior. Warning people that you have no intention of reminding them of anything (without using those words) is one way to do this, but assumes you do not care if they forget. If they are asking to be reminded to donate to your charity, a better answer might be, “I would be happy to.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I go to my boyfriend’s house, his teenage daughter (age 15) is usually in her bedroom with the door closed. When she comes out, she will tell her father what she is going to do, but will never even acknowledge that I am sitting there; no “hello,” “hi,” nothing. My boyfriend sits right next to me and sees that she does this, but doesn’t say anything to her.

Is her not saying anything to me considered bad manners, or just normal teenager behavior? Do I greet her first or, if her behavior is considered rude, do I wait for him to correct her?

GENTLE READER: You would have to consult the parent of a teenager to determine what constitutes normal behavior, since teenagers often have trouble recognizing a behavior yardstick against which to measure themselves.

Not being one to accept “but everyone does it” as an answer, Miss Manners confirms that whatever other teenagers may do, this behavior is rude.

But there is no order of greeting: It would be equally rude of you to sit in silence. Say “Hello.” If she pointedly ignores you, then there is a problem to discuss with your boyfriend after she leaves the room.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who takes the liberty of volunteering my time and resources. Two examples:

1. She happened to be visiting when a young person of my acquaintance showed up uninvited, and asked to sleep on my couch. Before I could formulate a reply (which I intended to be negative), Visiting Friend piped up, “Sounds fine to me!”

2. In a logistics discussion involving my daughter, her boyfriend, and a flight arriving at an inconvenient time, Friend said, “I think (my name) should help you out on renting a car.” On that occasion, I shot back, “Way to volunteer my time and money!”

What can I respond next time she does this that will not leave me looking chintzy or inhospitable? She’s the one who’s out of line; why can’t others see that?

GENTLE READER: Others do see that. You had everyone’s sympathy right up to the point of your ill-advised snappy comeback. Had you kept your head, all would have been well.

Miss Manners would have responded with an enormous smile -- meant to demonstrate that your friend’s behavior is amusing because the question was obviously not hers to answer -- followed with, “I do wish that were possible, but it is not.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My British office has decreed that Fridays are “Dress Down Days” and we are encouraged to wear casual clothing. I actually prefer wearing a suit and tie; I feel quite comfortable and I think I look better. Is there a way of answering the, “Why haven’t you dressed down?” questions without sounding like a prig or a snob? Or am I both?

GENTLE READER: You are a gentleman with a proper respect for looking professional. But as Miss Manners fears that your colleagues are not, the best answer may be, “Oh, is today Friday?” or “I have some serious work to do. Maybe next week.”

This will grow less believable each time it is used, but colleagues will also grow weary of asking. They will already have concluded that you are a prig and a snob, but that may be the cost of looking better than they do.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am Caucasian, raising my two biracial granddaughters. We are constantly barraged with questions from perfect strangers as to our relationship, reason for being together, and other personal history.

I need help with an appropriate response that will not promote anger or further racial tensions -- but will allow me and my girls some dignity and peace.

GENTLE READER: As your granddaughters will observe your response, these are opportunities to teach them how to deflect nosy questions without getting into altercations.

The response Miss Manners suggests, no matter what these people have the nerve to ask, is, “Thank you, I’m very proud of my granddaughers.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have been close friends with another couple for many years, and typically celebrate all milestones with them and a few other couples, in addition to family. Here is what the wife does in advance of every major occasion: She starts asking me how we plan to celebrate X, and when.

One time, I responded by saying we had date A and date B in mind, not yet confirmed. She proceeded to tell me how she already had plans for date A, but date B should be good.

I wanted to say, “Wait, I don’t remember inviting you!”

Also, in such cases, it puts us in an awkward spot if we decide to host it on date A (as if we don’t want this couple there). We did book something once on a date that was a conflict for them, and she felt slighted.

None of the other friends or family do this; they wait to be invited and then respond accordingly. We have never asked this couple in advance when their parties are. I now don’t give any tentative dates, and just say we are working on it. She proceeds anyway to tell me all their plans for the weekend in question, as well as the two weekends before and after.

We value their friendship, but putting pressure on us like this is getting uncomfortable, as if they are the main guests without whom the party cannot go on.

GENTLE READER: Of course they should wait to be invited. But through repetition, you have trained these people to believe that they are a permanent part of your celebrations, so naturally they want to know the dates in order to make plans.

People who give annual parties also find that their invitations are taken for granted. A gentleman of Miss Manners’ acquaintance gave New Year’s Eve parties for many years, and the year he was out of town -- not having issued any invitations -- 40 people showed up. That they were kept standing outside in the cold in evening dress presumably made the point.

So, too, should your changing the date. You must stick with that, although you can soften it by saying that you are sorry they can’t make it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it unreasonable for a 57-year-old daughter-in-law to thank us for financially helping them because of their being financially irresponsible ($50,000+)?

GENTLE READER: Did your son thank you? If so, Miss Manners believes that counts as representing them both. If not, you might blame his upbringing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)