DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there any dress etiquette for a college classroom? How-much-skin-is-too-much-skin is a frequent subject of debate, of course, but what about pajamas?

I graduated about two years ago. During my entire time at school, there seemed to be at least one of these offenders in almost every one of my classes, yet professors, other students, and even special speakers never seemed to notice.

Doesn’t it give the impression that the class is unimportant, and that the most the student could do was show up for class on time (if that)? What happened to dress as a reflection of respect for others (let alone oneself)?!

GENTLE READER: Even Miss Manners is not so foolhardy as to propose a dress code for college students.

It is not that she disagrees with you. Indeed, clean, neat and nonprovocative (politically or otherwise) clothes would be respectful not only of the occasion, but of others in their community.

But most people discount the fact that clothing is symbolic, and she feels that heated arguments with teenagers about self-expression and comfort are futile, and hardly worthwhile in such a relatively secluded environment. She suspects that the adults who seem to be ignoring the issue feel the same way.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We no longer wish to have company stay more than three days. It’s just too hard on us to be “on” and take responsibility for guests’ welfare.

How can we tell people whom we have invited to come see us that we have a three-day rule?

GENTLE READER: Not by quoting Benjamin Franklin (who may have been quoting an earlier source): “Fish and visitors stink after three days.”

Miss Manners suggests a more positive approach: “We would love to have you stay with us from the 5th until the 8th.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When did having a bad day become an excuse to be rude in the customer service industry?

Frequently, I come across things online that state, “Maybe the person was having a bad day ... you never know what someone is going through.”

Yes, I agree that we never know what someone is going through. Isn’t that more of a reason to be kind, regardless of your own troubles? If you’re in the customer service industry, you don’t take it out on patrons.

Is kindness in the face of personal adversity not a sign of maturity? When my mother passed away, I still smiled and welcomed everyone warmly. I have suffered from major depressive disorder my whole life, but no one would know it.

It just seems that nowadays, people would rather be a victim to themselves and their troubles, and that makes it suddenly OK to take it out on others.

When we come home from work, we’re told to leave our work troubles at the door, so why does the same not apply to personal problems when you reach work?

I doubt anyone would give the go-ahead to be rude if someone said they were having a bad day, yet that is the idea being enforced when we tell people to excuse behavior because of a bad day. Where do you stand on this?

GENTLE READER: Right beside you, cheering.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a person one might call the “blue sheep” in my otherwise completely red, large extended family. That fact happens to be a known “hot button” that many in my family openly and joyfully push, often in bold and condescending ways, when I am around them.

I would much prefer to keep topics light and jovial, such as learning how they have been since last seeing them (which has been much less over the recent years), discussing the event we’re attending, commenting on the weather or food, and other neutral topics.

How can I politely yet firmly shut down direct, hurtful comments made to provoke me without appearing defensive, weak or unaware of their intentional attempts to engage me? Civil discourse is never their goal when approaching me with their agendas.

GENTLE READER: That it is undesirable to seem defensive or weak toward people who are trying to provoke you, Miss Manners understands. But what is wrong with seeming to be unaware?

Goading people is only fun if they react. Surely you must have been told that by a parent when you came home from kindergarten crying.

So your response to a political jibe should be, “Great to see you, Uncle Horace. I hope your gout hasn’t been bothering you too much.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I prefer not to hug, and not even to shake hands. As a (female, if that matters) homeowner, I have had salespersons come to give quotes for work to be done on my property. They shook hands at the beginning and again at the end of our meeting.

I later found out they had lied to me -- for instance, about not having a license to work in my town, or not having insurance for their employees. I felt the handshake -- which used to convey not only good will but honesty, work ethic, etc. -- was used to try to trick me into believing lies, and hiring someone because I “felt good” about them, rather than based on facts.

Another place I no longer feel the handshake is reasonable or necessary is in the doctor’s office. I had one doctor who would come in, shake my hand, THEN go wash her hands (presumably washing my germs off her hands after passing the previous patient’s germs on to me!). In this case, I feel there is a medical reason not to shake hands.

I therefore have begun refusing: “I prefer not to shake hands. Nothing personal.” If they request more of an explanation, I explain that I no longer feel it has the meaning it used to. While most people are surprised, after giving it a bit of thought, it’s accepted without annoyance.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, most people would flee in terror from the prospect of a conversation about the meaningfulness of conventional gestures. But what happens when some salesperson sees it as a chance to have a bonding philosophical exchange?

So when there are follow-up questions to your first statement, Miss Manners recommends shrugging it off, saying, “Oh, it’s just a quirk of mine.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I live on opposite coasts from our son, his wife and their toddler son. For many years now, my wife and my son haven’t been on the best of terms, although both are almost always civil towards each other.

As a result of this underlying tension, they sometimes send photos of our grandson (via email and social media) just to me. This means that, if I want my wife to see and enjoy those photos, I need to forward them to her. This makes her feel bad, for obvious reasons. Either that, or I sometimes feel that I just need to do nothing and pretend that I didn’t get the photos to spare her the anxiety.

I’m thinking I should email my son and daughter-in-law and insist that they include both of us on all future photo sharing. Is this called for? Is there a better way?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Reconcile them.

Miss Manners fears that sending that email will upset the delicate balance that has so precariously been created. And that your proposal will only drive the two further apart -- or worse, exclude you from getting the pictures, as well.

Facilitating a conversation between them -- without using your grandson as bait -- seems far more practical. After all, as you might emphasize to your son, the child will soon be old enough to form his own opinions, and your son will not want to be on the negative end of them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my mother died after her third battle with cancer, we held a visitation the night before the memorial service for two hours, plus another hour the following day, before the service. There was also a luncheon.

I am very hurt that none of my in-laws attended. Not my mother-in-law or father-in-law, nor my husband’s sister, his brother or brother’s wife. NO ONE. They never sent a card or anything.

My husband made sure they knew where and when the services/visitations were. In my mind, there is no excuse for not supporting their son/brother and his family. When my friend asked my sister-in-law which visitation she was going to, she said, “I don’t do funerals.”

It’s not about her! Ugh.

I’m trying to move on and forgive them, but I’m not sure I can without confronting them about it. Am I completely out of line? Or are they really that selfish?

GENTLE READER: The latter, it seems. Not “doing” funerals is a particularly charming touch. Ugh, as you would say.

Miss Manners sees nothing wrong with holding on to a bit of resentment by way of a somewhat chilly reception next time you meet. If asked what the problem is, you may answer, “Our family was so disappointed that none of yours were able to attend any of my mother’s services” and leave it at that. If an apology is issued, accept it -- even if it includes selfish, unseemly or grammatically questionable excuses.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)