DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are new parents to a 1-month-old. He does the midnight feeding, while I take on any baby needs after that point.

After the 6 a.m. feed, I often try to go back to bed to get more sleep, as I am exhausted from being up throughout the night. It takes me awhile to get back to sleep.

An hour later, my husband insists on pressing the snooze button until he decides to get up for work. This leaves me unable to sleep and frustrated to the point of tears, as I know the baby will be up again soon. He insists that he should be able to press snooze at least once a morning.

I am an exhausted new mom recovering from surgery, and feel that giving me an hour of sleep is the least he could do. Who is correct?

GENTLE READER: Do you really have any doubt?

You may suggest, with Miss Manners’ blessing, that if that if your husband would like to switch with you and take the 6 a.m. feeding, then he could conveniently stay up for work and not have to push the “snooze” button at all. You may further add that you would be happy to experiment with his rule to make sure that you, in turn, properly wake up in the middle of the night when it is your turn.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please help settle a disagreement between my boyfriend and me. When you get a free water cup for the soda machine at a restaurant, are you allowed to get the bubbly water under the soda tab, or just the plain water? I always get the bubbly soda water, and he accuses me of stealing. Am I doing something wrong, or is he uptight?

GENTLE READER: Both? It is not generally good form to ask for water and then use the cup for soda instead. That, Miss Manners supposes, is why the water cup is flimsier. The punishment then becomes self-inflicted.

However, as long as it does not become a habit, she -- and likely the establishment that is already on to you -- will turn the occasional blind eye to a splash of soda in your otherwise plain water.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who works for me; she is also a Realtor. My husband and I will be putting our home up for sale in about six months and moving to another state.

Neither of us likes using friends in a business deal. Plus, she has only sold one home so far (her own).

I feel bad, but what can I say to her when the time comes to put our home up for sale, and we choose someone with more experience?

GENTLE READER: The relevant information here is that she is a friend, not that she is bad at her job. It is not an uncommon practice to separate business relationships from friendships -- in the interest of keeping both. Miss Manners sees nothing wrong with politely telling your friend this when the time comes -- and tolerantly accepting advice when she inevitably feels compelled to give it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a member of the clergy and instructor of moral theology, I’ve condemned the practice of demanding or expecting (often exorbitant) gifts from others. I’ve said that weddings are not opportunities for those getting married to guilt or berate family and friends out of cash or expensive items.

These comments have been made publicly in general terms, never about a specific individual, and usually as a result of being asked a question. But in a private conversation, one person who was preparing to be married referenced some of my comments, saying that I must “hate” her because she’d requested cash-only gifts at her wedding.

I said, “Of course, I don’t hate you. I wish you hadn’t done that, because your wedding shouldn’t be about money, but I understand how hard it is to resist temptation.” I thought I was being tactful, kind and polite.

A few days later, her fiance told me that she’d told her family that I had “changed my mind” and said that “asking for cash was OK.” He was upset because she was using what I’d said as “a hammer to force his aunts and uncles into giving (them) money.”

Shaking my head, I said that he had my blessing to tell his relatives that she misunderstood my comments, and that they should feel free to give or not give according to their own consciences.

I’m curious as to what Miss Manners thinks, and what she would have done in a similar situation. I wanted to be polite and supportive, but I fear I became an unwitting cudgel for matrimonial extortion. I’ve considered withdrawing from performing the ceremony, but that would upset many people, including the couple being married.

Does Miss Manners have any recommendations for me? What would you advise the husband-to-be in this case to do about the situation?

GENTLE READER: That he immediately get a firm grip on all wedding-related correspondence. And Miss Manners recommends that if premarital counseling is not already included in the church’s wedding package, you quickly add it.

This bride’s manipulation and distortion of the truth -- in the name of a clergy member, no less -- is shameless and not likely to end with the wedding.

Who better than a member of the church to preach the importance of honesty, honor and humility? You would be doing this couple, their guests and the institution of marriage a tremendous service.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In today’s age, what are the options for signing a birthday card to our future daughter-in-law???

GENTLE READER: What does she call you???

Is the real question whether or not you have to sign the card “Mom and Dad”? Especially if that is not an honor that you have previously bestowed?

If you would rather delay that decision or not invoke it at all, Miss Manners assures you that it is also fine to sign your names. She just suggests that you do not taunt the lady by putting the monikers in quotation marks.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was generally not treated well during childhood. I was plain, and was also a very quiet, shy, bookish kid who simply would not fight back. I suffered brutal bullying -- including serious physical abuse, mocking, name-calling and social isolation -- at school, at home and in the neighborhood where I grew up. I was friendless and blamed for my lot by my family, rather than helped to manage things better.

Away from the stress and sadness of that life, I did blossom into a pretty young woman and, with the positive attention that won me, was able to put my unhappy past where it belonged -- for the most part, anyway. I was able to learn the skills needed to get along in this world. Now that I’m middle-aged, people who know me describe me as sweet, kind, thoughtful, giving and polite, though still shy and quiet.

In my heart, I forgive the people who made things so difficult for me, but I have no wish to socialize with them, either.

Former classmates and neighbors approach me to sort of apologize for their past treatment of me, and to let me know how wonderful everyone from the old neighborhood is now. How do I politely make it understood that, while I hold no grudge, I am just not interested in reliving that pain?

GENTLE READER: The trick, Miss Manners assures you, is to use your skills: the quietness and shyness that you have always had, combined with the firmness you learned later.

Politely acknowledge what your classmate or neighbor says without elaborating, responding, or showing either interest or anger. Then, before they can elaborate, excuse yourself -- by crossing the room, not answering the follow-up email, or not friending them on social media -- and go on with your new life.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the event of a date, is it customary for the lady to confirm the date on the day of the event? Should the man confirm? The date was arranged the day before, so I didn’t see any need to confirm.

He stood me up, saying that I didn’t confirm with him so he assumed that we were not going. Am I out of line to be upset?

GENTLE READER: Having noticed that patients and clients could not be depended on to keep appointments, doctors, dentists and contractors started sending confirmations of scheduled appointments. That did not work either, so they added reminders a week before, a day before. In desperation, some now send texts even closer to the event.

None of this should be misunderstood as an etiquette requirement, Miss Manners notes. A courtesy reminder -- after the initial acceptance -- is courteous in the sense that it is not required. The same is true of personal appointments.

A commitment made verbally through an open car window as the light is changing in a heavy downpour with children screaming in the backseat is still a commitment. You are justified in being upset that the gentleman stood you up, although missing a date with someone so inconsiderate may be a blessing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)