DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear friend with whom I enjoy socializing at luncheons and dinners, and we sometimes travel together. She is blessed with a handsome income, and enjoys shopping.

I spent 20-plus years as a single mother, with a decent income but rarely money to burn. My child is now on his own with a good career. I continue to be frugal, but never “cheap.”

My friend insists I join her in shopping at high-end stores where I feel extremely uncomfortable. She has the means and desire to buy $5,000 purses (she has several) and $700 shoes, but even though I’ve enjoyed a healthy six-figure income the last several years, I still see no sense in spending that kind of money on a functional item.

So while she shops to impress, I sit with my $29.99 sale purse and $80 shoes, feeling like the proverbial fish out of water. I feel very embarrassed. If I opt out of any store, she is visibly upset.

How do I politely tell her I am not interested in what the new “It” spring bag looks like? (I frankly think they’re ugly, and really don’t get why anyone would spend $3,500 on a bag made of coated fabric and not leather.)

This issue has escalated. Whereas she used to enjoy a bargain as I did, now she only wants to steer us into the stores of the rich and famous. And yes, I do think she’s showing off, but her actions are only making me sour on the friendship.

GENTLE READER: As possibly the only columnist who doesn’t pass the buck by telling everyone to see a good therapist, Miss Manners is nevertheless curious. Why do you feel embarrassed? Why are you uncomfortable in fancy stores that usually have soft chairs?

And most of all, why can’t you say, “I’d be delighted to have lunch with you, but I’ll skip the shopping. You and I have different tastes”?

At any rate, that is what you must say. If anyone should feel embarrassed, it should be the person who exposes her indulgence in overpriced goods.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to a party that I’m pretty sure I wasn’t expected to attend. We are not close, and I live several states away.

I did send my regrets, and a congratulatory email. The only reason I hesitate to send a card is because people seem to expect a gift card/cash/check to accompany a card.

This may sound like a bizarre question, but do people appreciate a card without a monetary gift? I feel like some people would say no. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That anyone who would disdain your good wishes unless accompanied by a donation is not worth your time, much less your money.

There is no limit nowadays to what people might expect in the way of financial assistance, but Miss Manners assures you that this does not mean that you have to hand it over.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the father of five grown daughters, the last one having just graduated from college and gone out into the working world. Over the years, I’ve grown accustomed to jabs about living in a household that is, with the exception of myself, completely female, though I resent the assumption that I’d prefer it otherwise.

Many times, I’ve had to put up with such stereotypical questions as trying to find husbands for all of them -- some of which were meant to be good-natured, but simply ended up sounding outdated and sexist.

However, the one question that I was repeatedly subjected to after the birth of each of my daughters was “Did you really want a boy?” -- something I found offensive to both myself and my children, oddly questioning if I loved them fully and would have preferred them to be replaced with males.

I always tried to change the subject immediately without answering, careful not to show my anger, watching those questioning me become embarrassed when I went stone cold. Luckily, as years went by, I stopped getting these sorts of questions and things calmed down.

However, two of my daughters have now provided me with the most charming grandchildren, all little girls, and I’m being struck anew with guffaws and the like, some even commenting that the family cannot seem to break the “curse” of generating anything but daughters. Indeed, the offensive remarks seem to have multiplied with this new generation.

How do I finally put an end to such comments without making my wonderful children and grandchildren sound as if they were not the gifts that I was expecting?

I adore my family exactly the way that it is, but feel angered at the assumption that I must even voice that aloud.

GENTLE READER: That this problem is getting worse shocks Miss Manners. Only the banality of such remarks must account for their not having been followed by a solid female punch.

So let us bring this train of thought out into the open and watch the attempts to defend it.

The first rule about dealing with dumb remarks is to refuse to accept them as mere pleasantries. Rather than giving even a weak smile, you should stare at the speaker -- this will be hard -- as if you had never before heard such a thing. After a pause, you should utter one word: “Why?”

Your interlocutor should become thoroughly unnerved, and murmur something to cover a retreat.

Use a tone of curiosity, rather than condemnation. The idea is not to cause embarrassment so much as to make people examine the implications of what they say so thoughtlessly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If it is proper to use initialed note cards, would one use the first, or last, initial of the person writing the note? If a woman is writing a thank-you note from her husband and herself, which initial would she use?

GENTLE READER: Hers -- of both first and last name -- unless she is pretending to be her husband, having lost the battle to get him to write his own letters of thanks.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Here is my quite transparent hypothetical:

If two people are walking in the hallway at work, having a conversation, and a third person approaches one of them to talk exclusively about a work matter (ignoring the other person altogether), is this considered rude? Or is this acceptable, since the conversation is about work and occurs in a public space instead of in an office?

What should the ignored person do? Wait for them to end their conversation, get involved in this new conversation, or simply walk away? Or be gracious and say something like, “You two look like you have something important to talk about. I’ll catch you guys later,” in an expression and tone as authentic as one can muster?

I know that the last option is the adult choice, but it is very hard for us sensitive and easily offended people to carry off. And how does one develop a thicker skin, so as not to take slight at seemingly trivial matters? Thank you for your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: You are welcome?

No one should ever be interrupted or ignored, but Miss Manners is afraid that she must agree that a work conversation does take precedence over a social one. Waiting for a reasonable amount of time before politely excusing yourself and walking away is, in fact, the adult and mannerly thing to do.

If you must add a slight edge in order to appease your easily offended feelings, Miss Manners will permit you to say, “Please let me know when you are available again and I will finish my story.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why am I only thanked “for the card” and not the money inside?

GENTLE READER: Because the truth -- ”thanks for the cash, didn’t read the card” -- lacks a certain grace and tact.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When throwing a party, and the invitation says 4 p.m., is it proper to have food ready at 4 p.m.? Or should it be ready later, after appetizers?

GENTLE READER: How well does your food keep? Four in the afternoon is not a conventional mealtime, so appetizers are usually the main event. However, if hot food or a more elaborate meal is being served, Miss Manners generally recommends a 30-minute window for guests to arrive, before putting out food that may be likely to develop unappetizing crusts or temperatures.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whose responsibility is it to utter the first greeting -- a home’s resident, or the visitor? Does it matter if one of the residents is not the one I have come to see?

Every time I visit my friend at her house, she greets me immediately, but her roommate never says hello or acknowledges my presence in any way. I eventually say hello to her and she replies politely.

GENTLE READER: While no one should open a door in silence, the nonessential resident in a visit can be forgiven for not immediately stopping to greet someone who is not that person’s guest. Still, there must be some acknowledgment of the guest’s presence, and Miss Manners agrees that a seething, “I said ‘hello, Tina,’” should never be necessary.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)