DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the father of five grown daughters, the last one having just graduated from college and gone out into the working world. Over the years, I’ve grown accustomed to jabs about living in a household that is, with the exception of myself, completely female, though I resent the assumption that I’d prefer it otherwise.

Many times, I’ve had to put up with such stereotypical questions as trying to find husbands for all of them -- some of which were meant to be good-natured, but simply ended up sounding outdated and sexist.

However, the one question that I was repeatedly subjected to after the birth of each of my daughters was “Did you really want a boy?” -- something I found offensive to both myself and my children, oddly questioning if I loved them fully and would have preferred them to be replaced with males.

I always tried to change the subject immediately without answering, careful not to show my anger, watching those questioning me become embarrassed when I went stone cold. Luckily, as years went by, I stopped getting these sorts of questions and things calmed down.

However, two of my daughters have now provided me with the most charming grandchildren, all little girls, and I’m being struck anew with guffaws and the like, some even commenting that the family cannot seem to break the “curse” of generating anything but daughters. Indeed, the offensive remarks seem to have multiplied with this new generation.

How do I finally put an end to such comments without making my wonderful children and grandchildren sound as if they were not the gifts that I was expecting?

I adore my family exactly the way that it is, but feel angered at the assumption that I must even voice that aloud.

GENTLE READER: That this problem is getting worse shocks Miss Manners. Only the banality of such remarks must account for their not having been followed by a solid female punch.

So let us bring this train of thought out into the open and watch the attempts to defend it.

The first rule about dealing with dumb remarks is to refuse to accept them as mere pleasantries. Rather than giving even a weak smile, you should stare at the speaker -- this will be hard -- as if you had never before heard such a thing. After a pause, you should utter one word: “Why?”

Your interlocutor should become thoroughly unnerved, and murmur something to cover a retreat.

Use a tone of curiosity, rather than condemnation. The idea is not to cause embarrassment so much as to make people examine the implications of what they say so thoughtlessly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If it is proper to use initialed note cards, would one use the first, or last, initial of the person writing the note? If a woman is writing a thank-you note from her husband and herself, which initial would she use?

GENTLE READER: Hers -- of both first and last name -- unless she is pretending to be her husband, having lost the battle to get him to write his own letters of thanks.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Here is my quite transparent hypothetical:

If two people are walking in the hallway at work, having a conversation, and a third person approaches one of them to talk exclusively about a work matter (ignoring the other person altogether), is this considered rude? Or is this acceptable, since the conversation is about work and occurs in a public space instead of in an office?

What should the ignored person do? Wait for them to end their conversation, get involved in this new conversation, or simply walk away? Or be gracious and say something like, “You two look like you have something important to talk about. I’ll catch you guys later,” in an expression and tone as authentic as one can muster?

I know that the last option is the adult choice, but it is very hard for us sensitive and easily offended people to carry off. And how does one develop a thicker skin, so as not to take slight at seemingly trivial matters? Thank you for your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: You are welcome?

No one should ever be interrupted or ignored, but Miss Manners is afraid that she must agree that a work conversation does take precedence over a social one. Waiting for a reasonable amount of time before politely excusing yourself and walking away is, in fact, the adult and mannerly thing to do.

If you must add a slight edge in order to appease your easily offended feelings, Miss Manners will permit you to say, “Please let me know when you are available again and I will finish my story.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why am I only thanked “for the card” and not the money inside?

GENTLE READER: Because the truth -- ”thanks for the cash, didn’t read the card” -- lacks a certain grace and tact.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When throwing a party, and the invitation says 4 p.m., is it proper to have food ready at 4 p.m.? Or should it be ready later, after appetizers?

GENTLE READER: How well does your food keep? Four in the afternoon is not a conventional mealtime, so appetizers are usually the main event. However, if hot food or a more elaborate meal is being served, Miss Manners generally recommends a 30-minute window for guests to arrive, before putting out food that may be likely to develop unappetizing crusts or temperatures.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whose responsibility is it to utter the first greeting -- a home’s resident, or the visitor? Does it matter if one of the residents is not the one I have come to see?

Every time I visit my friend at her house, she greets me immediately, but her roommate never says hello or acknowledges my presence in any way. I eventually say hello to her and she replies politely.

GENTLE READER: While no one should open a door in silence, the nonessential resident in a visit can be forgiven for not immediately stopping to greet someone who is not that person’s guest. Still, there must be some acknowledgment of the guest’s presence, and Miss Manners agrees that a seething, “I said ‘hello, Tina,’” should never be necessary.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My oldest child, age 24, is getting engaged. He is a trans man planning a pagan/cosplay wedding where guests are welcome to dress up in costume. His intended, age 21 (ish?), is a trans woman.

His other parent (my abusive former husband, with whom I have no contact other than through the courts) has also come out, transitioned, and is now a trans woman. Our divorce may or may not be final by the time the wedding occurs.

It is likely that my parents and I will throw a potluck/picnic reception, as people of modest means around here sometimes do, for the happy couple. I am not sure where the other set of parents is in all this. It’s a little confusing yet.

I learned as a child that good manners were how you made sure that everyone was happy and comfortable. But I’m lost as to how to word the announcements/invitations, which names go on them, and in what order.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette does not often concern itself with the relationship and backstory of its participants, only in who is doing the inviting.

Presumably everyone involved has names. Use them. Especially if they are different from the original ones, as this is a chance to alert people to updates in gender, names and pronouns.

Miss Manners would give you specifics, but she is not entirely certain who are the hosts at which event. If the couple is giving the wedding themselves, and you and your parents are giving the reception, the invitation may be worded thus:

“The pleasure of your company is requested at the marriage of Ms. Jace Payton and Mr. Cayden Smithton ...” followed by the date, time and place, and then: “and afterwards by Ms. Eleanor Smithton and Mr. and Mrs. Harrison Smithton at a potluck/picnic reception ...” with the address.

If anyone else, such as the bride’s parents, your former spouse or other interested parties, becomes involved, you may either add their names to the appropriate event or have them issue their own invitations -- for rehearsal dinners, brunches or other masquerades and costumed rituals. Presumably each guest will recognize at least one name or surname on the invitation -- and be able to figure out or fill in the rest.

Elaborate costuming may, Miss Manners cautions, make this task infinitely harder at the wedding itself. But far be it from her to take away from anyone’s good time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Could you please tell me if and/or how I should respond when hosts begin to brag to other guests about my excellence and dependability at sending thank-you notes for occasions just like the one we are all attending together?

Friends and acquaintances actually make comments such as, “I don’t know how you do it!” and “You must have loads of free time.”

It is embarrassing, for some reason I don’t understand, and I’d like to improve my response from just sitting there smiling and waiting for the moment to pass.

GENTLE READER: “I like to do it because I feel so grateful to have been invited to such a wonderful event. Don’t you?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)