DEAR MISS MANNERS: I enjoy cooking. I have lots of cookbooks, and I watch cooking shows and attend cooking seminars. My family and friends enjoy my meals and dishes, helping themselves to seconds and leaving clean plates.

They do not play with their food, cough their Brussels sprouts into their napkins or feed the dog to politely hide an inedible mystery meat.

And then there’s my husband. He will supplement my carefully and artfully prepared meals with almost anything he likes that’s not included. For example, I served shrimp and grits (a little Parmesan cheese and scallions on top) with a side of lemony roasted asparagus. He poured barbecue sauce on top and also added pinto beans, olives, Brazil nuts and blueberries.

When I have questioned him, he says that other chefs create unusual combinations -- as if he is a culinary trailblazer.

In actuality, it’s hurtful that he doesn’t like my meals and has to hide the taste or enhance the menu. It’s also, visually, a “gag” moment for others to watch him mix this mush together on his plate.

He shows more restraint when eating out, but can’t seem to resist the barbecue sauce urge. What can I do? I’m not sure I want to divorce him.

GENTLE READER: Well, could you decide before Miss Manners gives you a thoughtful response?

In the event that you choose to keep your husband -- if not his behavior -- make a deal with him. Limited experimentation by way of condiments or garnishes, not main ingredients, may take place with your food when you two are alone. But when you are in company, this habit must be limited to changes agreed upon in advance.

You may further remind him that he always has the option of making the meal himself, start to finish.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Depending on the situation, there are times when I have wanted to scream at people for their lethargic response to a request for help or for an answer to a query. Because I was desperate for the help or for the answer, I never said a word, because I could not afford to alienate the person.

If I am correct, you once wrote that you did not like the expression “I’ve been busy” because it implies, “I have a full life (and you do not).” Having made me wait a very long time and then hearing the excuse “I’ve been busy,” I want to reply, “Doing what?”

I realize that in some cases, a better excuse for the delayed help or answer would be, “It took so long because I really didn’t want to help you.” As I am sure you can tell, I am trying to type my frustration away as I request your help.

What is a polite verbal and/or written (when it is email) response to someone who gives the “I’ve been busy” excuse without providing any detailed explanation?

GENTLE READER: “Of course I understand. I will refrain from making any more urgent requests until your schedule is more freed up.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother and I often go to a local nail salon together and get the basic pedicure, which includes a soak, exfoliating, massage and polish. We try to get our pedicures simultaneously, so one of us doesn’t have to wait too long for the other to be finished.

Last time we went, the salon’s owner did my pedicure herself, and an employee did my mother’s. The owner hurried through the job, and in my opinion, “phoned it in.” The woman working on my mother took her time and did a good, relaxing job.

When it came time to pay, my mother tipped both women. (She paid for us both this time, but we usually each pay for our own.) We both know you are not supposed to tip a salon owner, since they don’t have to turn over a percentage, but here’s the trouble: How in the world do you pay at the cashier’s desk, which the owner was handling, and explain that “This $5 is for Rose. No, nothing for you.”

There is something of a language barrier, also. How should we handle this if it crops up again?

GENTLE READER: Ask for change. No, not in the behavior, although that would be helpful, too -- just not, Miss Manners warns, polite.

If you ask the owner to break a $20 bill, you may then give the tip to Rose in person before making a hasty exit. Since the owner is already in such a hurry, perhaps she will not notice that you did not return.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m getting married at my family’s cabin. It’s on a small, private lake that we enjoy with neighbors, some right next door and others down the private gravel road we all also share.

There will be about 30 guests, which, even with our best carpooling efforts, will result in added vehicle and foot traffic. I’m not expecting us to be an especially rowdy bunch, but some added noise from a larger party visiting our cabin seems inevitable.

Should I alert our neighbors about the upcoming wedding? I feel odd sending them a note saying “We’re having a wedding and you’re not invited; please don’t mind the traffic,” but on the other hand, I would rather they know in advance and so might forgive the little inconvenience of added cars and people during an already full weekend.

Should I write them a note? If so, how should it be worded? Some of the neighbors my family knows quite well, but many of them are virtual strangers.

GENTLE READER: If you are able to add, “Please come over for a drink later at the reception” to the note, it would go a long way toward securing your neighbors’ indulgence and good will.

Otherwise, Miss Manners agrees that alerting them to an event that will only cause annoyance is ungracious. If inviting them is not feasible, she suggests that you leave it alone and ask for forgiveness afterward -- perhaps by sending around leftover wedding cake and Champagne.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have three children who grew up as close friends to a neighbor of their age. She was (and is) treated as my third daughter, included in trips, etc. At the time, we were not well off financially, but she shared in what we had.

Many years have passed, and she is married with two children. She and her husband both work, but they are not as prosperous as one or two of my children. She and her family are still included in our family vacations, some of which are chosen based on the financial strain it will put on them to travel.

In the past, I have paid their hotel bill, but it led to an almost knock-down-drag-out fight with her husband, who looked on my gesture as charity.

As I explained to him, some of us are more fortunate than others in the financial area, through no fault or skill of either. What is the point of having money if I can’t spend it (in reasonable amounts) so that I can enjoy things with friends and family?

Her son is graduating high school and will be going away to college, primarily on scholarship. I want to send him more than a token cash gift. How do I do that without entering into a discussion that will cause hurt feelings? Can I gift him directly and ask him not to tell his parents? Seems rather underhanded and deceitful.

Do I have a frank discussion with the parents before sending him something? Any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Assuring his father that it was not his fault that he is poor does not appear to have gone over well.

Putting aside the question of whether or not this should have come as a surprise, it should have been a warning. That you have money, and are willing to share it, does not exempt you from considering others’ feelings. If being the recipient of your generosity makes them uncomfortable, Miss Manners urges you to moderate your giving -- not find better ways to push your generosity on them. And do not send cash as a present to their son.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 57-year-old, never-married woman who dines out occasionally with married couples. What is the proper way to handle splitting the bill?

This seems to have become a bone of contention, and I would love your thoughts on what is correct. I am sure I’m not the only single female in this position.

GENTLE READER: It is unclear to Miss Manners who is, so to speak, chewing on this particular bone.

The time when most restaurants were reluctant to split bills has, mercifully, come and gone. And surely you could ask your co-diners, “How would you like to split this? One-third, two-thirds?” You could also proffer your share in cash, but these days, having cash may be the most surprising option.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)