DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 70-year-old man from Asia, where old people are more respected. So it bothers me when teenagers or very young people whom I have never met before call me by my first name, when I have never given them permission to do so.

I think the protocol is that they address you by your last name, like “Mr. Johnson” or “Miss Smith,” until you tell them that they can call you by your first name, reflecting the relationship that has developed or whatever is your preference.

I have heard from many foreigners that Americans are rude in certain ways, and this is one of them. Can you please clarify this issue?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but you will have to turn your thinking upside-down. In America, youth is respected. Strangely, even many old people endorse this feeling, to the extent of feeling insulted if they are treated with respectful formality.

Mind you, Miss Manners believes that this is a terrible system. It means no one has anything to which to look forward. But so it is.

Furthermore, there is a widespread belief in instant friendship. Steps to intimacy, including the use of given names, have been all but erased. Therefore, the young who address you are not intending to be rude. They believe that they are being friendly, however unlikely it is that a friendship exists between you.

So their behavior is based on two patent falsehoods: that you are young, and that you are their friend. This is enormously patronizing, and Miss Manners shares your distaste.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: These days, folks assume an invitation or announcement is a solicitation of a gift. How can I convey that my intent for sending an announcement or invitation is truly only to share news, and truly only to wish for someone’s attendance at a celebration?

Putting “no gifts, please” on the correspondence doesn’t work, and is rude. But I am chagrined to think that announcing family milestones is interpreted as a gift grab. There were times when the presumption was not inherent, but it is not these times. What to do?

GENTLE READER: How many times does Miss Manners have to state that invitations and announcements are not bills?

It is true that there are certain occasions to which presents should be brought by those who actually attend: children’s birthday parties, and showers for weddings or expected babies. Otherwise, presents should be given when the prospective donors care enough about the people to want to give them tangible evidence of their warm feelings.

Yes, there is a catch. People who don’t care enough should not be attending those weddings and other ceremonial occasions; and ones who do care, but cannot attend, should want to send a token of their affection anyway.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Servers in a fine dining room at an independent living home for elders have been taught to both serve and remove plates from the right.

Residents believe you serve the plate from the left and remove it from the diner’s right. Please comment.

GENTLE READER: The servers are wrong. As you are the clients, you may instruct management to retrain them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law of 40+ years, who I thought liked me, stated that she hates Democrats, knowing I am one. I jokingly replied, with a smile, “Hey! I’m a Democrat.”

She responded that the area she lives in is Republican and doesn’t work well with Democrats. I was taken aback. Am I too sensitive? Do I bring it up to her?

GENTLE READER: The way to deal with a mean remark that someone is trying to pass off as a joke is to take it seriously:

“You HATE me? Really? I know we have different politics, but I’ve always been so fond of you! This comes as a terrible shock!”

This leaves her with having to say, “Of course I didn’t mean you,” to which you can reply, “But I’m a Democrat, and you said it to me.” Miss Manners advises saying this with a trembling lip, if you can manage it. And do not crack a smile as your sister-in-law wearily tries to back-pedal.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: About five years ago, I was deeply in love with a man of interests and passions so attuned to my own, it was amazing! Through a series of misfortunate events, we parted ways after two years together. I have healed about 99% with infrequent memories.

I also had strong feelings for his mother (mine has passed). She is widely adored and a kind, loving lady. We shared many happy times together, and I felt a strong connection.

After all this time, I would like to write her a short note of respect and admiration. Am I silly? Would this be inappropriate?

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners takes your word for the fact that you are motivated only by a desire to be back in touch with this kind, loving lady, and are not using it as a way to get back with her son, she cannot promise that the kind, loving lady will do so.

But yes, write the letter, as it should give the lady pleasure, but omit any mention of the gentleman. And if she does not answer, you should accept the possibility that she consulted her son and he said it was better to leave the situation alone.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately I have been to a number of funerals where there is no receiving line. Dozens of people are all milling about and hard to see. As a result, I only get to talk to the family members I recognize, and it’s often been many years since I’ve seen some of them.

Do you agree with me that if the no-line protocol is used, then the people I have come to share condolences with should wear nametags in order to be known?

GENTLE READER: No, because Miss Manners believes that the only way to make sure that everyone has a chance to see the family is a receiving line.

The same is true of weddings, which are often equally frustrating to the guests because of the silly idea that receiving lines are “too formal.” As if funerals and weddings are casual occasions.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Growing up, I was notorious for never remembering my wallet when running errands with family. This continued into my 20s, where I would be over at my parents’ house when one of them stated they were going to run errands and asked if I wanted to come along. It rarely occurred to me to bring my own money, because I was just along for the ride -- never mind that I might need something at the same store.

Now, later in life, I find myself out with friends and often caught off-guard when the check comes and I watch them sneak cash into each others’ pockets and purses to pay for each others’ drinks and meals. I come prepared to pay for myself and to contribute to the tip, and feel like an amateur magician attempting sleight-of-hand trying to copy them.

Vowing to do better, I invited two friends out to afternoon tea and made sure to grab the check when it came. When asked if I was sure, I held strong; when asked a second time, to my shame, I handed the check over. I had not brought cash because I was going to pay for everything, since I was the one who invited them out.

I want to fix this, but am unsure how to do it. I work with one of the friends, but will not see the other one for a couple of months. I thought of mailing a note stating they had dropped something (cash), but am unsure how to do it without being crass.

GENTLE READER: You must resolve to do even better. Miss Manners agrees that it is unseemly to be constantly sneaking cash and playing games, rather than the much more dignified practice of taking turns paying the entire bill.

But you have a terrible track record. Miss Manners has only known you for 30 seconds and her trust in your good intentions is already waning.

For the immediate problem, be straightforward with your friends and tell them that you insist that you were their host. Send a check or wire the money through one of the many phone applications that make sneaking cash into their wallets much less covert.

For the bigger problem, she suggests you practice two things: Keeping cash in your possession and being resolute if your intention is to host. If you do not trust yourself on either account, start leaving your credit card with the waitstaff before a meal you intend to buy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like to order monogrammed linen napkins for my daughter and her husband, who have hyphenated their last names, and use that in their professional and personal lives.

How does one include a hyphenated last name in a monogram?

GENTLE READER: Ask the engravers if they are willing to create a centered, hyphenated double initial. If not, Miss Manners suggests alternating napkins.

As your daughter has no doubt become aware -- at doctor’s offices and airport ticketing counters -- the alphabetized world is almost exclusively concerned with the first initial of a hyphenated surname. If this has not yet occurred to the couple, and causes last-minute panic when they suddenly realize whose name is taking precedence, Miss Manners suggests that you hold off on your monogramming until they settle it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)