DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have received a few invitations to retirement parties that have come with rather a hefty price tag ($150 per couple). This entrance fee is used to pay for catering, photographer, decorations, venue, etc. When I have questioned this practice of having other people pay for someone’s party, I was told that it was OK because technically, the retiree isn’t throwing the party -- a friend is.

I don’t believe it is ever OK to throw yourself, or anyone else, a party and then expect others to pay for it. What say you?

GENTLE READER: Unlike the legal system, etiquette does not write its rules into precisely worded statutes that can be pored over by lawyers, judges, and people who are less clever than they believe and have more free time than is good for them. This means that there are fewer technicalities in the etiquette business: Having no letter of its laws leaves etiquette free to concentrate on the spirit. (It also saves the cost of employing lawyers, judges and jailers.)

But whoever told you the rule cited above got it wrong. There are two rules in play: The first is that one does not properly throw a party to honor oneself; the second, that hosts do not properly charge guests for their hospitality. Miss Manners is willing to accept technicalities as honoring the first (a husband throwing a party for a wife’s retirement, for example), but the violation of the second is clear.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m 55. When I was about 12, sitting in the parlor of my grandmother’s Victorian home, she told me that respectable people do not sit in their cars, honking their horns, as a way of calling the neighbors out of their houses. Instead, they shut off the engine, walk to the front door and ring the doorbell.

Assuming that there is plenty of on-street parking and the person who has come calling on the neighbor has two functioning legs, is my grandmother’s rule still generally accepted as correct?

GENTLE READER: Generally, although the nature of the trip and the relationship of driver and rider are also relevant. A 55-year-old driving a 12-year-old to school as part of an ongoing carpool can be excused for keeping her seat, as can a driver picking up a near relation who is looking out the window.

Miss Manners does note one important change: The advent of cellphones allows the driver to avoid honking, which was never, strictly speaking, polite.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When determining dating anniversaries, is it more appropriate to count from the first date or from when the couple decided to “go steady”? Or is it a matter of personal preference?

GENTLE READER: So long as such anniversaries are not inflicted on -- Miss Manners meant to say “shared with” -- others, etiquette leaves you to enjoy whatever festivities you please in private, whether they date from your first date, your first kiss -- or any other memorable events about which she does not wish to hear more.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Due to a fire at their house, my aunt, uncle and cousin will be staying with us for several months. They have been here two weeks already. There is only one serious problem.

While I know that it is always rude to ignore people, and that one generally does not read at the table, I was always told that breakfast was the exception. I bring in the morning paper every day, separate the sections, and place it at the side of the kitchen table for people to read.

My aunt has informed me that it is rude to read at the table. I don’t ignore her, or hide behind the paper. I fold it neatly and place it next to my plate. I tried not reading the paper for a few days, but their breakfast sounds consisted of slurping, crunching and discussions of their medications. I tried conversing, but received only one-word answers.

I finally returned to my paper. Now, we do have breakfast conversation -- of my aunt sotto voce asking my cousin and uncle if they have ever seen anything as rude as someone reading at the table.

Am I wrong here? With three extra people to cook and clean for, it is the only time I get to read the paper. After breakfast they gather up the paper, take it to the family room and remain until suppertime. The paper is read, wrinkled, clipped and circled by afternoon, and unsuitable for reading even if I wanted to.

I wonder, first, if I am incorrect that one may read the paper at the breakfast table. If I am incorrect, I will stop. If not, do you have any suggestions for dealing with my aunt?

GENTLE READER: As your aunt considers herself an authority on etiquette, what does she have to say about houseguests who criticize and insult their hostess? And why would you even take such pronouncements seriously?

Yes, newspapers are read at family breakfasts. Miss Manners lives in dread of the time when there may be no such artifacts and she will be left staring at her eggcup, and perhaps at people who are staring at their devices.

You do not, of course, want to say to your relatives, “Look: This is my house, and I took you in, but you have no business sabotaging my routine.” The polite way to put it is, “I’m sorry that you’re not happy with the way I do things, but I hope you’ll be able to bring yourself to put up with me until you are able to make other arrangements.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I see people giving congratulatory toasts to people -- wedding couples, winning contestants, etc. -- and I always see the toastees joining in by drinking along with the toasters. Is this proper, to drink to themselves? Doesn’t seem correct to me.

GENTLE READER: It isn’t. But either raising their glasses when everyone else does is irresistible, or they don’t know how to assume the modest smiling look that such a gesture requires. Miss Manners promises that they can drink as soon as the others put their glasses down. They can even follow the toast by saying, “And to all our dear friends,” which would require everyone else to restrain themselves.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hired a private guide at a tourist attraction. It was an enigmatic place, so the guide often got questions from other visitors trying to figure it out on their own. People even asked him to take their pictures after he took mine.

Is there a way to tell people who interrupt my tour to make requests of my guide that a book would explain the buildings, a guard can show the way to the toilet, and another tourist can take their photo?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but do you really want to get into altercations with tourists in need of toilets?

Neither will your guide, but as he is in your employ, you can tell him that you find this distracting and ask him to decline on the grounds that he is busy working, and there are others around to help.

That said, Miss Manners asks you not to mind if people simply want to listen silently to what he is saying. Or if they only need the simple, humane courtesy of being pointed toward the bathroom.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is a grandparent-to-be who lives 1,500 miles away expected to attend a gender-reveal party?

GENTLE READER: What the parents expect, Miss Manners cannot say. Obviously they believe that others will be as excited as they to learn the answer to this simple question -- an answer that can easily be obtained by telephone a few hours later.

Whether it is wise to spend the time, energy and money to attend a frivolous party is another matter. Surely such trips will be more rewarding when there is an actual grandchild at the destination.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At social occasions, friends and family often ask about how my work is going, and then about the charity of which I am a trustee, and I understand that this is all to do with showing an interest in my well-being and my activities.

However, I struggle to get the balance right. If I go into the details, which tend to be technical, their eyes glaze over, and I have committed a faux pas; if I talk about my current emotional response (sometimes stressful and challenged), they start offering cliched solutions or opinions and MY eyes glaze over and I commit a faux pas. If I give a pat answer of “It’s all going well” or something, then I am doing them the disservice of dishonesty, and lose that sense of familiarity and openness that friends and family are for.

GENTLE READER: If you want to have conversations about your work, you need to provide some conversational material. “I’m stressed” or “It’s fine” do not qualify. What could you expect them to say in return?

Miss Manners suggests your responding to their questions with open-ended remarks -- describe a challenge at work, one that a layperson could understand and that you are trying to handle, an anecdote about someone your charity helps, or whatever might be of interest that does not violate work ethics or others’ privacy.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)