DEAR MISS MANNERS: Professionally and personally, I go by a shortened version of my birth name -- think Chris instead of Christopher, or Kate instead of Katherine. No one except the IRS calls me by my full birth name, not even my family of origin.

However, one of the faculty members on my dissertation committee consistently calls me by my full name, even though my preference is clearly marked on all official and unofficial documents and correspondence, and this faculty member has had me in class.

A legal name change is in my future, but in the interim, what’s the kindest language with which to correct this behavior without making the faculty member feel like I’ve been suffering in a constant state of offense for the last two years?

GENTLE READER: “I think we finally know one another well enough now that you may call me Mimi instead of Magdalena. That is what I always use now, both personally and professionally.”

By acting as though the fault was yours -- and that you have just been waiting for the right time to tell him -- the gentleman should feel flattered, rather than insulted. Miss Manners holds high hopes that this presumption of good intentions, rather than of defiant obstinance, will make the correction stick.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What’re your thoughts on the after-sneeze blessing? Does one have to “bless” someone’s sneeze or else be deemed rude or inconsiderate?

I understand it has a cultural following these days, and in certain situations -- say, at work, or standing next to someone waiting in line -- I have no problem saying “bless you.” Conversely, I have no hurt feelings if I sneeze and no one blesses me.

However, my husband, who is a resolute atheist, gets snarky if he sneezes in another room but I don’t bless him even though I hear him. He did grow up in a household where “God bless you” comes after every sneeze.

I remind him (we’re both in the medical profession) that in the grand scheme of things, sneezes are not the most threatening medical issue to warrant blessings, and that he should not take it personally.

But has society become so conditioned to needing a blessing for every sneeze that it’s rude not to acknowledge them?

GENTLE READER: You seem to have the antiquated notion that social niceties have something to do with logic.

Miss Manners reminds you that pleasantries are exactly that and not meant to be too deeply analyzed. “Good morning!” is not a command, and store greeters who incessantly ask “How are you?” are not expected to have an actual interest in the answer.

If the religious or medical aspect of blessing someone is too much for you -- although it does not seem to be for your atheist husband -- consider the response that Miss Manners remembers having heard: “Gesundheit, Gluck und ein langes Leben, reiche Kinder schon.” Which roughly translates to: “Health, happiness, and have some rich children, already.” A few of these, and your husband may well start sneezing out of earshot.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A lot of entertaining at people’s homes involves potluck dinners where everyone brings a dish. I love cooking, and put a considerable amount of time and energy into preparing a dish that guests will enjoy, as do many others in my circle. Often, these dinners are some of the best food you will find in our town.

But there are some who bring the cheapest and least time-consuming thing they can think of: a bag of chips, guacamole, deli potato salad, etc. Someone once actually brought a cheap takeout pizza.

I find this infuriating. Most of the time, these non-contributors just don’t feel like doing anything, so they don’t. That doesn’t stop them from eating what others have spent time making. I think it’s incredibly selfish and self-centered, as most of these folks have both the time and the money to contribute. These are the same people who bring the cheapest wine they can find.

I had one party at my home, and I will never do it again, as I found myself scrambling around in my kitchen trying to find something to put out to eat in the absence of any real contributions.

Any ideas on how to handle this diplomatically, short of narrowing my social circle? This is a SMALL town where everybody knows everybody else.

GENTLE READER: Telling people to bring their own food and then quibbling with the results is unfair and counter-productive. If you don’t like what’s being offered, there is a simple solution. It’s called a dinner party. Miss Manners assures you that even one on a grand scale is possible.

However, even if you declare it so (“No need to bring anything, this time we just want to give it ourselves”), your friends will still bring cheap wine and store-bought chips, which you can put aside or toss. But at least they will have been forewarned -- and the main dishes will have been suitably prepared in advance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m in an exclusive relationship with a man I love. We are in our 50s and have had a rocky five years together. I have a problem with his friendship with another woman he has known since childhood, who recently became separated from her husband because she was unfaithful.

My man and I don’t live together anymore, and she seems to always be around when I visit. They laugh and carry on like teenagers, and I feel like an outsider. I have asked him to stop, but he thinks I’m being silly.

What are the rules of etiquette for these situations? He’s way too old for a chaperone, if that even exists anymore!

GENTLE READER: Rarely prone to jealousy or hasty conclusions herself, Miss Manners is nevertheless afraid that this situation does not look good. At least for you. He is entitled to have friends, but not to exclude you from their giggling.

She suggests that you reassess what “exclusive” means to all parties, and perhaps give your gentleman friend some time to figure it out. If he decides that it means spending more time with his old friend, then you may want to reconsider the relationship. Your efforts will be far better spent finding another suitable middle-aged man than in attempting to employ a chaperone for the current one.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At our local farmers market, I took my young children to the playground structure to burn off some energy after being in the stroller for some time. There was a small line of toddlers and preschoolers waiting in line to go down the slide.

When my child was second in line, an older girl (maybe in first or second grade) started climbing up the slide and actually stepped over the small toddler who was first in line. I looked around and didn’t see her parents (at least anyone correcting her), and as she started stepping over my son, I said, “Honey, it is not kind to step over the other kids.”

I normally don’t get involved with playground issues unless there is actual danger, but felt that something had to be said; however, the mother of the toddler in line gave me a strange look. I have spent the time since second-guessing myself on whether I should have let this older girl continue to climb over the small kids and hold up the line to go down the slide. Did I do the correct thing?

GENTLE READER: You did. Miss Manners hopes that this is reassurance enough, as you are unlikely to find support anywhere else on the playground, unless perhaps from the squashed toddler.

There is a general ban against parenting other people’s children, with the exception being, as you correctly cite, imminent danger. But “imminent danger” can be expanded to include stepping over (or on) your child -- so long as you confine yourself to a polite, verbal correction, as you did. At the very least, you will have avoided accusations by your own toddlers in later years that you never stuck up for them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there something wrong with a married woman taking a vacation from everything, including her husband?

I have a very stressful work and graduate-school schedule, and am about ready to burst if I don’t have a little two- or three-day retreat, just for myself, away from my household responsibilities. If this is OK, how do I go about telling my husband my plans without hurting his feelings?

GENTLE READER: Even if etiquette allowed us to admit having had enough of our nearest and dearest, human feelings would not. It inevitably leads the dearest to wonder whether two or three days are sufficient to dispel any negative emotions.

This is no time, in other words, for candor. It would be tactful to find someone you can stomach spending time with -- a sister, a parent, a best friend -- and present the trip as mother-daughter bonding, or whatever. Miss Manners hopes she does not need to explain that the list of acceptable companions is only very slightly larger than that given above.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a person buys and moves into a new home, is it up to the new homeowners to invite family to see their home (which sounds like you are looking for a gift), or should the family call and ask to see the house?

GENTLE READER: Even firefighters and paramedics wait for invitations from the homeowner before entering. Miss Manners expects the same to apply to family members, no matter how curious they may be.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)