DEAR MISS MANNERS: If a stranger approaches you with a question to which you give a definite answer, and then asks another person right next to you the exact same question for confirmation, would this be considered rude?

GENTLE READER: It is, assuming the definite answer was not a refusal. Miss Manners notes, however, that the fluid nature of sidewalk traffic makes it easy for the questioner to avoid this offense -- wait until the first person leaves -- and equally easy for the insult to be ignored -- cross the street.

If this is unavoidable, then a polite second request must acknowledge the first answer and imply a reason for the repetition: “Is that what your watch says, as well?” And thanking anyone who gives an answer is a good first step.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I organized and paid for a family reunion. This included paying for five hotel rooms for my family, a meal at a restaurant costing $600, and a game in which I gave out envelopes with cash in them (total of $200). After the party, I also did lunches, which I paid for, totaling about $300.

Mind you, I am retired on a fixed income. I had to fly across the country, for which I paid. My family is reluctant to acknowledge or thank me.

No one except one cousin offered to pay their own way on anything. When I returned, I wrote 23 thank-you notes to them for coming. I mentioned on social media this fact, and the fact that I had received no thank-you notes from any family member. Then I got on social media and found many notes from my family condemning me, saying I was not kind, nor Christian. It broke my heart, but this is the norm from my family. I am pretty much ignored by my family.

Is it now normal not to send any acknowledgment for a kindness given? Is common courtesy now dead??

GENTLE READER: Courtesy is not dead, Miss Manners believes, though she sometimes needs to be resuscitated when she faints on the pavement (courtesy, not Miss Manners, who pays more attention to her footing).

The situation you describe leaves several points to be cleared up, even aside from why you spent so lavishly that you imply it was a hardship.

Writing thank-you letters to your host after an entertainment is, indeed, a requirement of good manners, although the cash outlay involved is irrelevant. Writing thank-you letters to your guests for attending is not. Publicly shaming your guests for a failure to write is both rude and, as you discovered, likely to incite further rudeness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At what age is it proper to add “and guest” on an invitation? (For example, wedding invitation, family function, etc.)

GENTLE READER: The question is not the age at which such a designation can properly be added -- because the answer is “never” -- but at what age it can be dropped. Anyone inviting small children to a party must expect the invitation to include someone to bring them, to retrieve them and to make sure, between those two events, that they do not climb the curtains. Once those functions can be accomplished unaided by adult guests, Miss Manners advises you to invite people by name.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had a 70th birthday and a career that left me with a closet full of beautiful clothing. I watch my figure, and I love fashion and basically all the feminine things.

However, we are living in a society that is completely contradictory to all of the above. When I go to a nice hotel or restaurant with my husband, or just go to church, I see men and women with blue jeans, T-shirts, capris and even halters -- not to mention the people who shop in pajamas. Suits and dresses seem to be a thing of the past.

So, do I abandon all my nice clothing and put on jeans and sweats, wearing only long pants, a top, flat shoes, and insulated coats for everything else?

I am not self-centered. I am very generous and benevolent, give to many charities, have taken good care of many people, and have worked in a soup kitchen for several years.

GENTLE READER: Even if you had not worked in a soup kitchen, Miss Manners would consider you to be allowed to take an interest in your appearance.

That self-presentation may involve a dollop of vanity should not obscure its being chiefly about respect. Self-respect, to begin with, but also respect for others.

Anti-tourism, now rife even in places that depend economically on tourism, exists in part because the dress you describe is interpreted as disrespectful of the place being visited.

This look is to be lamented, not imitated. By all means, dress nicely: for yourself, your husband, and any onlookers whose ideas may be elevated by your example.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What should I do when I dine out at a restaurant I’ve been to before, and the server brings me whichever beverage I ordered last time? What if I want a different drink?

It’s as if the server is saying, “I’m an excellent server, because I memorized your beverage preference.” So I’d hate to crush their accomplishment. But sometimes I like to mix it up.

How should I politely request a different beverage? Or should I grin and suck it up ... through a straw?

GENTLE READER: A kinder way to interpret this is that the server is flattering you by remembering your previous order. So while Miss Manners does not expect you to down the wrong drink, she would like you to acknowledge this:

“How kind of you to remember. But you know, I’m in a different mood today, and I’d like to have one of your wonderful Pisco sours.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A dear friend has invited me to her wedding, which is followed by a “no host” reception. The morning after, she has invited me to a “no host” breakfast. I am completely unfamiliar with this term; can Miss Manners enlighten me?

GENTLE READER: It means that your friend is not intending to be hospitable. You may join her at the reception and/or breakfast if you like, but don’t expect to be offered anything to eat or drink; for that, you must pay your own way.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is a paraplegic and uses a wheelchair. When we became engaged, friends, family, colleagues and even acquaintances thought absolutely nothing of asking me whether he was sexually capable and able to father children.

Not wanting any bit of that conversation, I would normally reply with “How would I possibly know?” and then change the subject immediately.

I thought that these sort of inquiries would end when we were married and I became pregnant, but now the same people are asking me how my child was conceived, and if artificial means were required.

My husband is good mannered and laughs off these sort of offensive questions, but I’m afraid that I’m much more irritated. I need a proper line of defense from Miss Manners before I really blow my top.

GENTLE READER: No, no, Miss Manners would have you take an opposite tone -- that of a patient parent having a difficult conversation with a curious young child:

“Well, it’s like this: When two people love each other and want to be close ...” Then you can trail off with, “Wait -- I don’t know you well enough to be having this conversation. Surely there must be someone in your family who will explain to you how babies are made.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a physician’s office. The physician was ill several years ago and the patients could not help but notice. The physician does not discuss this illness with people.

When patients ask me directly, “How is Dr. So-and-So? Did he have illness XYZ?” I am at a loss as how to respond. I usually say, “Oh, he’s fine,” or “I’m not sure about XYZ,” and try to divert the conversation back to why they are here.

I feel uncomfortable lying, as I do know the answers to these questions. If I say something like, “You will have to ask Dr. So-and-So,” or “I’m not at liberty to discuss this with you,” it may come across as rude or like the illness is more dire than it may be. Do you have any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: “You’ll be happy to hear that all medical information in this office is kept confidential. I’ll tell him you were kind enough to be concerned, but you needn’t worry.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am uncertain how to handle the matter of a wedding registry. I don’t like the idea of a registry, but friends and family have told me that they consider not having one to be a thinly veiled cash grab, which seems even more distasteful. What would be the best way to avoid causing offense?

GENTLE READER: Really? Your relatives and friends are unable to imagine that you are not trying to extract something from them, so that if you don’t demand goods, you must be hitting them up for cash?

And that it is more unseemly not to beg than to hand over your shopping list?

Miss Manners is aware that there are indeed people who think that way, but she urges you not to succumb to them. They will just come up with other cynical judgments. Not liking the idea of a registry is an excellent reason for not having one.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)