DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been friends with Bri for over 25 years. We became especially close as she fought, and won, a battle with breast cancer.

She and her husband have enjoyed great financial success. I’m happy for them, but our friendship has begun to suffer, sparked by Bri’s flaunting her money.

I am newly retired and have a comfortable income, but am on a budget. Bri buys very expensive clothing and especially purses, spending thousands on just one. She shops constantly, a new item every time I see her. I would never spend $5,000 for a purse.

She makes snarky remarks about my being cheap. I ignore this, but then she embarrassed me in front of her daughter-in-law by offering me a job, smirking, saying that I had financial problems.

I was shocked, as I’d never said that, nor is it true! I responded that I wouldn’t have retired if I didn’t have the money to do so. I have a very comfortable retirement income, but that’s none of her business!

The time has come to end this relationship, so I’ve decided to pass on Bri’s future invitations to socialize. How do I proceed?

GENTLE READER: Politely decline the invitations without excuse. And then ignore the inevitable rumors she spreads about the reasons why.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are limited on the amount of guests we can invite to my daughter’s wedding, since the venue is tight. One friend responded “yes” to both the engagement party and bridal shower, but pulled a no-show to one and canceled last minute to the other.

I don’t feel obligated to include her at the wedding, but my daughter is worried since she has already received a save-the-date. Should she get an invite?

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, Miss Manners has to agree with your daughter. A save-the-date is an obligation on the part of its sender to follow up with an invitation.

Responding in the affirmative is an obligation for the guest to attend, and as that part of the contract has been repeatedly violated, Miss Manners will permit you to amend yours.

After the invitation is sent, contact your friend, expressing extreme concern that two emergencies in close proximity must have been difficult on her and hope that her troubles will be over in time for you to see her at the wedding. If she does not confirm, you will convey regret to her and secretly rejoice in discreetly opening another spot for a presumably more grateful and reliable guest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the only girl in my family, with three brothers. My mom asked me if I would give her a retirement party next year.

I’m happy to do it, but financially, I cannot shoulder all the responsibilities on my own. I politely solicited assistance from my brothers, to no avail. Is it tacky to ask mom for financial assistance with her own party?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but it was equally unseemly for her to demand one. Tell your mother that you would love to host it in her home, but require her assistance in getting the menu just right. And, Miss Manners recommends, in nagging your brothers to help.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We invited another couple to join us at a popular, annual concert for which we had been given tickets. The invitation did not include dinner, because of other commitments we had already made. We were looking forward to enjoying their company while driving to and from the concert.

They, however, wanted us all to go to their favorite restaurant before the performance. When they finally agreed to accept our original invitation, they demonstrated their disappointment with long faces and strained conversation. They did acknowledge that they enjoyed the performance.

This is the first time we’ve ever had the terms and conditions of an invitation negotiated, and we still struggle to find a meaningful response. What should we have said or done? Would it have been bad manners to rescind the invitation and tell them that we looked forward to enjoying their company on another occasion that we all would find both convenient and satisfying? (It will be incredibly hard not to be snarky, but we will refrain. We promise.)

GENTLE READER: It will come as no surprise to her Gentle Readers that Miss Manners is in favor of clear invitations, and against guests negotiating the terms thereof. The host is required to provide a time and place, as well as any pertinent details (e.g., the inclusion of the guest’s ex-husband). The guest is usually barred from adding more mouths to feed or ears to listen.

But understanding on both sides is necessary when the terms are unusual -- as this one was. Evening events generally involve dinner and do not specify transportation.

The proper sequence should therefore have been:

Guest: “That sounds wonderful. I’m so sorry you’re not available for dinner; we’d love to catch up. Should we just meet at the concert?”

Host: “It is too bad about dinner; Sean has a company obligation that we couldn’t get out of. But we were hoping you would join us for the drive so that we would have more time together.”

Guest, option 1: “Terrific. We’d love to.”

Guest, option 2: “Unfortunately, that’s going to make the timing tight for us. Would you mind if we just met you at the concert, and we can do dinner another time?”

Host: “That would be lovely.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why is it considered rude to wash your hands at a kitchen sink? The dish soap is available, the water is available, so what’s the problem?

GENTLE READER: Why do some questions sound rude when the same request, phrased differently, does not?

Context.

Washing up at the sink when you are the cook is not rude, nor would doing so be considered impolite for another resident of the house at a casual meal.

The ban on public grooming exists because some people are more squeamish than others. True, witnessing another person washing her hands versus clipping her toenails elicits different responses in most people, but etiquette prefers to err on the side of consideration -- and of keeping the peace. It is the same reason that Miss Manners presumes your question to be open and well-intentioned, barring a follow-up that “people should just get over it.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I like unusual, hard-to-find wines. Frequently, dinner events have wine as part of the dinner, but you can also buy more interesting wines from the hotel or restaurant. Often the hotel gives you your bottle during the cocktail hour.

At the event, people we don’t know hold out a glass and say, “I’ll have a glass of that.”

I explain that we bought it separately to have with dinner, and usually that takes care of it. Or we tell them that waiters are passing wines, but they say, “Yes, but not THAT.”

My husband finally told one pushy woman that the bottle was $140, and he’d sell it to her for that. She yelled, “I just want a GLASS!”

We’ve gone to informal BYOB dinners with two bottles, knowing that we’ll do well to keep one bottle for ourselves. How do we best deal with Malbec moochers without appearing antisocial?

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners does not condone the behavior of the person demanding a glass of whatever you were drinking, sharing is still central to social intercourse. The solution to your problem is to separate your two, incompatible activities: Go out on even-numbered days, and enjoy your unusual wines at home on odd days.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to give advice to someone who did not ask for advice? Under what circumstances is unsolicited advice polite?

GENTLE READER: Unsolicited advice may be given discreetly if it will save the recipient from imminent embarrassment.

Miss Manners used to cite the example of one lady taking another lady aside to warn her that her underwear is showing, but she realizes this may no longer meet her stated precondition.

Beyond this, etiquette limits the privilege of giving unsolicited advice to teachers, mentors and parents -- and only when acting in that capacity. Be warned that etiquette having no objection to such proffers does not guarantee a welcoming reaction from the recipient.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I really feel bad when I am in front of an elderly or handicapped person on an elevator and I step out of ahead of him or her. However, it is awkward and creates major traffic problems if I step back into the crowd. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Move to a clear location -- i.e., leave the elevator -- and, once you are clear of traffic, turn around to assist by holding the elevator door.

It is no use protesting to Miss Manners that this is unnecessary, as elevator doors remain open so long as there is someone in the entrance. The action is intended to demonstrate your concern and good manners, not your efficacy as a doorstop.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When sorbet is served between courses, how much are you to eat? I say a few bites, my husband says ALL OF IT!

GENTLE READER: Because sorbet served between courses is considered a palate cleanser, portions are meant to be small.

But if your host mistakes the sorbet for a down payment on dessert, Miss Manners recommends leaving some on your plate. This is less a requirement of etiquette than a way to survive the meal.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)