DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I like unusual, hard-to-find wines. Frequently, dinner events have wine as part of the dinner, but you can also buy more interesting wines from the hotel or restaurant. Often the hotel gives you your bottle during the cocktail hour.

At the event, people we don’t know hold out a glass and say, “I’ll have a glass of that.”

I explain that we bought it separately to have with dinner, and usually that takes care of it. Or we tell them that waiters are passing wines, but they say, “Yes, but not THAT.”

My husband finally told one pushy woman that the bottle was $140, and he’d sell it to her for that. She yelled, “I just want a GLASS!”

We’ve gone to informal BYOB dinners with two bottles, knowing that we’ll do well to keep one bottle for ourselves. How do we best deal with Malbec moochers without appearing antisocial?

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners does not condone the behavior of the person demanding a glass of whatever you were drinking, sharing is still central to social intercourse. The solution to your problem is to separate your two, incompatible activities: Go out on even-numbered days, and enjoy your unusual wines at home on odd days.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to give advice to someone who did not ask for advice? Under what circumstances is unsolicited advice polite?

GENTLE READER: Unsolicited advice may be given discreetly if it will save the recipient from imminent embarrassment.

Miss Manners used to cite the example of one lady taking another lady aside to warn her that her underwear is showing, but she realizes this may no longer meet her stated precondition.

Beyond this, etiquette limits the privilege of giving unsolicited advice to teachers, mentors and parents -- and only when acting in that capacity. Be warned that etiquette having no objection to such proffers does not guarantee a welcoming reaction from the recipient.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I really feel bad when I am in front of an elderly or handicapped person on an elevator and I step out of ahead of him or her. However, it is awkward and creates major traffic problems if I step back into the crowd. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Move to a clear location -- i.e., leave the elevator -- and, once you are clear of traffic, turn around to assist by holding the elevator door.

It is no use protesting to Miss Manners that this is unnecessary, as elevator doors remain open so long as there is someone in the entrance. The action is intended to demonstrate your concern and good manners, not your efficacy as a doorstop.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I stepped out of line with a very dear friend. I honestly believe she didn’t see my rudeness because of her highly forgiving nature, but it’s been bugging me to no end and I feel I should apologize.

We see each other at church each Sunday, often text, and sometimes call, but almost never have time for one-on-one meetings. My question: To extend my apology, should I call, send a text or write a handwritten note (which I like the sound of, but seems quite formal)?

Or should I try to see her alone during the week to apologize face-to-face, which would be tricky to orchestrate? Or is there an option I have not considered?

GENTLE READER: People have a funny idea nowadays about formality. The thought seems to be that “casual” means virtuous, and “formal” means standoffish, if not snobbish and heartless.

Actually, formality connotes seriousness. That is why formal clothes are worn at weddings. (Well, Miss Manners knows that it’s really because it is most couples’ only chance at a splashy occasion, but the idea remains.)

If you want to show that your feelings are serious, write a letter. A verbal apology is likely to be interrupted by her brushing aside the necessity for it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At wedding banquets, I like to leave early. Do I go to the host and hostess and say goodbye, or leave quietly without disturbing them?

GENTLE READER: There is a rule against leaving wedding festivities before the departure of the bride and bridegroom. But Miss Manners doesn’t feel like insisting upon it, now that newlyweds are no longer eager to be alone.

A similar rule decrees that guests at a White House party may not leave until the president has withdrawn. Miss Manners remembers seeing this overruled, many administrations ago, when there was a president who loved to dance all night. An elderly Supreme Court justice was standing near the door watching, and he finally said to his wife, “All right, I’ve had enough,” took her arm, put on his hat, and left.

The revised rule for weddings is: You can leave after midnight, if you do so discreetly and offer quiet apologies and compliments to the parental hosts.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Must those of us whose skin tends to crepe and sag wear long pants and long sleeves in the sweltering summer? Up to now, I’ve been taking time to cover up when I have to run an errand, but must I? I’d love to run up to the store in a pair of knee-length shorts and a sleeveless top. What wisdom do you have for sweltering seniors?

GENTLE READER: A short lesson in what you owe society:

You do not owe the public a taut young body. Miss Manners is saddened that you believe that you must hide any signs of aging, as if there were something wrong with that. If you go to a beach, do you feel that you have to wear a tent?

But you do owe society respect for its contexts. So the answer to your question depends upon where your errands take you. To the grocery store -- sure. To pay a condolence call -- certainly not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I own and operate a small antique and vintage store in our neighborhood. Our shop is beautifully curated; items are well displayed, clean, and free of defects -- i.e., we are not a secondhand store.

When two ladies were in the store, Lady No. 1 was purchasing four vintage glasses and I commented on her excellent choice. Lady No. 2 asked me, “Can we get a discount?” I offered 10%, which is standard practice. Lady No. 2 said, in a pseudo-hushed tone, “Well, I suppose that is better than nothing,” and called our prices ”very expensive.”

I replied that, in my opinion, she would be hard-pressed to find these at a cheaper price, to which she replied, “Well, I collect this type of glass.” I had nothing nice to say back, so, following my parents’ sage advice, I said nothing further.

I could see that Lady No. 1 was uncomfortable with the exchange, especially when I tried to present her with a receipt after she had specifically told me she did not need or want one (“I have no intention of returning these”).

We do not make any money until the sizable rent, utilities and supplier costs are paid. We purchased most of our inventory many years ago, as we planned to open this shop in our retirement, so our prices are incredibly competitive. These glasses were $10 each, not $100, or anywhere in between.

I, of course, thanked them and wished them both a good day, but I was tempted to chase Lady No. 2 down the street and give her some feedback. I wonder if there might be an acceptable retort if a similar future encounter occurs.

GENTLE READER: It will, and Miss Manners hopes you will continue to restrain yourself.

In antique stores, it is often customary to bargain. You know this, because you offer a discount when asked.

Lady 2’s method of bargaining was unpleasant. The charming way is to praise the coveted object, not to denigrate it, and to plead one’s own constricted budget, not to accuse the seller of greediness. But you should not allow a customer’s coarseness to allow you to become so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have long wondered about the wedding custom of guests applauding after the officiant says the words, “I now pronounce you ______.” Is the marriage ceremony a performance that requires guests to clap?

I have been bothered by this as much as by the intricately choreographed dance performed by the adorable couple. This seems to me to disrupt the atmosphere of a sweet, loving occasion.

I would appreciate your view on these customs.

GENTLE READER: They started as those sweet, loving occasions were evolving into theatrical productions: fanciful bio-epics about the couple, instead of serious religious or civic rituals.

Aside from inflicting amateur theatrics on a captive audience, this approach sacrifices an important emotion. Yes, Miss Manners recognizes the expression of joy and congratulations that the applause is supposed to signify. But there is plenty of room for that to be expressed at the reception.

What is lost is the poignancy that many feel --sometimes to the point of sentimental tears -- at the beauty of the ceremony.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)