DEAR MISS MANNERS: I stepped out of line with a very dear friend. I honestly believe she didn’t see my rudeness because of her highly forgiving nature, but it’s been bugging me to no end and I feel I should apologize.

We see each other at church each Sunday, often text, and sometimes call, but almost never have time for one-on-one meetings. My question: To extend my apology, should I call, send a text or write a handwritten note (which I like the sound of, but seems quite formal)?

Or should I try to see her alone during the week to apologize face-to-face, which would be tricky to orchestrate? Or is there an option I have not considered?

GENTLE READER: People have a funny idea nowadays about formality. The thought seems to be that “casual” means virtuous, and “formal” means standoffish, if not snobbish and heartless.

Actually, formality connotes seriousness. That is why formal clothes are worn at weddings. (Well, Miss Manners knows that it’s really because it is most couples’ only chance at a splashy occasion, but the idea remains.)

If you want to show that your feelings are serious, write a letter. A verbal apology is likely to be interrupted by her brushing aside the necessity for it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At wedding banquets, I like to leave early. Do I go to the host and hostess and say goodbye, or leave quietly without disturbing them?

GENTLE READER: There is a rule against leaving wedding festivities before the departure of the bride and bridegroom. But Miss Manners doesn’t feel like insisting upon it, now that newlyweds are no longer eager to be alone.

A similar rule decrees that guests at a White House party may not leave until the president has withdrawn. Miss Manners remembers seeing this overruled, many administrations ago, when there was a president who loved to dance all night. An elderly Supreme Court justice was standing near the door watching, and he finally said to his wife, “All right, I’ve had enough,” took her arm, put on his hat, and left.

The revised rule for weddings is: You can leave after midnight, if you do so discreetly and offer quiet apologies and compliments to the parental hosts.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Must those of us whose skin tends to crepe and sag wear long pants and long sleeves in the sweltering summer? Up to now, I’ve been taking time to cover up when I have to run an errand, but must I? I’d love to run up to the store in a pair of knee-length shorts and a sleeveless top. What wisdom do you have for sweltering seniors?

GENTLE READER: A short lesson in what you owe society:

You do not owe the public a taut young body. Miss Manners is saddened that you believe that you must hide any signs of aging, as if there were something wrong with that. If you go to a beach, do you feel that you have to wear a tent?

But you do owe society respect for its contexts. So the answer to your question depends upon where your errands take you. To the grocery store -- sure. To pay a condolence call -- certainly not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I own and operate a small antique and vintage store in our neighborhood. Our shop is beautifully curated; items are well displayed, clean, and free of defects -- i.e., we are not a secondhand store.

When two ladies were in the store, Lady No. 1 was purchasing four vintage glasses and I commented on her excellent choice. Lady No. 2 asked me, “Can we get a discount?” I offered 10%, which is standard practice. Lady No. 2 said, in a pseudo-hushed tone, “Well, I suppose that is better than nothing,” and called our prices ”very expensive.”

I replied that, in my opinion, she would be hard-pressed to find these at a cheaper price, to which she replied, “Well, I collect this type of glass.” I had nothing nice to say back, so, following my parents’ sage advice, I said nothing further.

I could see that Lady No. 1 was uncomfortable with the exchange, especially when I tried to present her with a receipt after she had specifically told me she did not need or want one (“I have no intention of returning these”).

We do not make any money until the sizable rent, utilities and supplier costs are paid. We purchased most of our inventory many years ago, as we planned to open this shop in our retirement, so our prices are incredibly competitive. These glasses were $10 each, not $100, or anywhere in between.

I, of course, thanked them and wished them both a good day, but I was tempted to chase Lady No. 2 down the street and give her some feedback. I wonder if there might be an acceptable retort if a similar future encounter occurs.

GENTLE READER: It will, and Miss Manners hopes you will continue to restrain yourself.

In antique stores, it is often customary to bargain. You know this, because you offer a discount when asked.

Lady 2’s method of bargaining was unpleasant. The charming way is to praise the coveted object, not to denigrate it, and to plead one’s own constricted budget, not to accuse the seller of greediness. But you should not allow a customer’s coarseness to allow you to become so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have long wondered about the wedding custom of guests applauding after the officiant says the words, “I now pronounce you ______.” Is the marriage ceremony a performance that requires guests to clap?

I have been bothered by this as much as by the intricately choreographed dance performed by the adorable couple. This seems to me to disrupt the atmosphere of a sweet, loving occasion.

I would appreciate your view on these customs.

GENTLE READER: They started as those sweet, loving occasions were evolving into theatrical productions: fanciful bio-epics about the couple, instead of serious religious or civic rituals.

Aside from inflicting amateur theatrics on a captive audience, this approach sacrifices an important emotion. Yes, Miss Manners recognizes the expression of joy and congratulations that the applause is supposed to signify. But there is plenty of room for that to be expressed at the reception.

What is lost is the poignancy that many feel --sometimes to the point of sentimental tears -- at the beauty of the ceremony.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My close friend, Celeste, is a wonderful cook and hostess who frequently invites me, and mutual friends, over to her home for meals.

While I love Celeste dearly, her fiance makes me incredibly uncomfortable. She has told me stories in which his behavior is emotionally abusive and controlling. I have also had interactions with him at group events and at her dinner parties that have left me feeling more than unsettled.

I have tried approaching dinner party and other invitations with, “Is this a couples’ party or a girl’s night?” and similar lines to assess whether or not he will be joining. I have since learned that he keeps hidden cameras throughout the home, and watches them when he is not there. He also tracks her whereabouts.

Due to this, I have determined that I will not accept any invitations at her home, and his tracking of her has prevented me from inviting her to my home, so we only meet at public places.

Celeste and I have already had a conversation about his abusiveness; however, I am wondering if there is proper etiquette for discussing my hesitation to accept invitations to her home.

I do not want to lose her as a friend, but I believe consistently declining invitations to her home, while accepting invitations to meet at restaurants and coffee shops, may be turning out to be more offensive.

GENTLE READER: Being supportive of your friends does not, Miss Manners assures you, require you to relinquish your own privacy. “You know that I have concerns about your relationship, but as your friend, I will follow your lead. However, I will not be videotaped, or tracked in my own home. So while you are in this relationship, I will have to insist on the two of us meeting in public spaces.”

Your friend will have to make her own decision about the situation, but perhaps the insanity of it can be properly conveyed by seeing it from your perspective. And the accompanying panic in your voice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend and I have a shared interest in true crime and art. When she recently asked me if I wanted a collage/painting she had made, I said yes, but I was unpleasantly surprised when I received it.

It turned out to be just a canvas with pictures of a murderer on it, and red paint splattered on it to look like blood. It’s honestly creepy; it looks like a shrine to the killer. I’m interested in the psychology behind crime, and have no positive feelings towards killers themselves.

Currently, the canvas is taking up space in my bedroom, not hung up. Would it be terribly rude to get rid of it? One of the things that bothers me most about it is that clearly, very little effort went into it, and it feels like she was just pawning it off on me.

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, effort is not the only criterion when it comes to evaluating art -- and your friend probably would not take kindly to being accused of lacking it. Miss Manners suggests that you keep the strange painting, displaying it only when your strange friend comes to visit. It might be useful as evidence.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)