DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one gracefully handle eating something that is over-sauced, over-dressed, or just plain messy?

Despite careful ordering and a concerted effort not to take too big of a bite, one still finds that a single napkin occasionally isn’t enough, especially where paper napkins are offered. I find myself on dates or out with friends with what seems like an enormous pile of ugly, soiled paper, and I never quite know what to do with it, or when enough is enough.

I usually try and offer a quick joke such as, “Wow, I guess they take ‘messy but good’ seriously here,” to indicate that I’m aware I have used a voluminous amount of napkins. Short of giving up and walking out soiled, or running to the washroom every five minutes, is there a better way to handle this?

GENTLE READER: It is striking to Miss Manners that many of her Gentle Readers’ food questions carry the implicit assumption that skipping a food will have dire consequences. In some cases it may, but often it does not.

She says this without any intention of belittling your question, which is perfectly valid, but to point out that your survival does not depend on ordering the ribs. At an informal dinner with friends, when they are making an equal mess, indulge, so long as you keep your dirty napkin pile as neat and compact as practical. On a first date or at a business meal, order the salad.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should one place money inside when giving a gift of a wallet or purse?

GENTLE READER: No. Even if Miss Manners did not already object to cash gifts, she notes that it is preferable to make a present look new, rather than lived-in. And to avoid leaving the recipient with the fear that he has picked your pocket.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a widower, dating a woman who is also widowed, for the past year. Our relationship is casual for the time being, but may grow into something more down the road. We only see each other about twice a month because of distance and family obligations.

She has been invited to her grandniece’s wedding and asked if I would be her plus-one. Now, I have never met the bride or her family. Am I under any obligation, as a plus-one, to give a gift to the bride and groom?

GENTLE READER: Presents are not, strictly speaking, mandatory, but when they are given, the general custom is: one invitation, one gift. Your date’s present is therefore sufficient to cover you both, although you might wish to ascertain -- discreetly -- if her attachment to you is sufficiently strong to motivate her to append your name on the card.

This is best done indirectly, by telling the lady that, as you do not yet know the bride or bridegroom, you would like to contribute to her present, relying on her knowledge of what the recipients would appreciate.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family has been arguing about this for quite a while now: Does the spork go on the left or the right of the plate, or neither? My brother and I agree that it goes on the top of the dish.

GENTLE READER: The spork (also known to Edward Lear fans as the runcible spoon) exists for situations in which more specialized utensils are inconvenient -- as, for example, when the serving establishment wishes to conserve plastic, or when the diner is balancing a plate of soupy pork and beans on her knees while keeping alert for passing bears.

It is therefore not often seen in a table setting. This does not deter Miss Manners, who decrees that the placement depends upon the company -- not the guests, in this case, but the other utensils being used.

If it is meant for dessert, it should be placed above the plate. But if it is the only utensil provided for the meal, it should go to the left, in place of the fork.

Her reasoning is twofold: First, a lone fork is more common than a lone spoon; and second, for those of us over the age of 3, the function of the fork is more important than that of the spoon. Miss Manners recognizes that this makes no allowance for all-liquid dinners, but she has to go, as she sees the bear coming.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When our daughter was born, seven years ago, my father-in-law gifted her with his mother’s lovely diamond engagement ring. At what age would it be appropriate for a young lady to wear such a piece of jewelry?

GENTLE READER: Your daughter’s response, Miss Manners would guess, is, “Now!” But not being 7, she disagrees.

Advanced jewelry (defined, for this purpose, as “anything other than a plastic tiara”) is reserved for serious, formal occasions, and there is a presumption that a child, charming though you may find her when she is licking icing off her fingers at the kitchen table, is not yet up to the task.

While that ban does relax as the child ages and the events become more weighty, an engagement ring has a specific significance. Your father-in-law presumably hoped she would someday wear it as her own wedding ring -- which, whether or not you share that hope, is an answer you can give to save yourself the heartache of hoping it will come home on your daughter rather than being lost behind a seat on the school bus.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am invited to a 50th birthday luncheon for a girlfriend, and the invite says, “no gifts, please.” What can I do instead?

GENTLE READER: Bring your most winning smile.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At my husband’s request, I agreed to ask friends to make a contribution, in his name, to a drama scholarship fund. Due to the amount raised in his name, he was given the opportunity to act in a short one-act play, written by a well-known playwright and starring a well-known actor, in our city.

I’ve told him he should send thank-you notes (or emails) to each of the friends who contributed. He answered that saying “thank you” to them personally was enough. I know a note would be appreciated, so I ended up writing emails myself. Do you think he should send thank-you notes?

GENTLE READER: He’ll get back to these people, you may be sure. Just wait until the show he is in is scheduled, and he goes after his benefactors to buy tickets.

Some may feel that he treated their contributions in an offhand manner. But even if not, Miss Manners would think that your husband would relish the opportunity to stoke their enthusiasm with a letter of gratitude for what he may describe as an exciting play.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When we invited our neighbors over for a cookout, one neighbor took an ear of corn and spun it around on top of a stick of butter that was in the butter dish on the table. I have never seen anything like this in my life.

Even my kids were shocked. Although it looks to be very efficient, this cannot be acceptable etiquette, can it?

GENTLE READER: To mess around in communal dishes? No. Your children are right to be shocked. Miss Manners joins their “Ewwww!”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Has the wedding invitation to a single person with the heading “and guest” completely gone by the wayside? This used to be included on the wedding invitations I received; I notice in the recent past it has not.

I understand bridal couples are trying to save, but this seems to be at the expense of the guest’s comfort. As a widow, of course I go to social occasions alone when I have to, but it’s much more fun if I can bring someone.

I feel like it’s just another punishment for not being part of a (married) couple. I’m alone, but not dead.

GENTLE READER: And just a wee bit defensive?

It was never an etiquette-sanctioned custom to deputize wedding guests to invite their own guests. “And guest” is an inherently rude phrase, as it means that no attempt has been made to find out the person’s name.

Married and engaged partners were always included, but perhaps, as society began to recognize stable couples who were neither, hosts gave up trying to figure out who qualified. Or perhaps they yielded to pressure from people like you, who viewed weddings as opportunities for fun that would not be provided by socializing with the couple’s friends and relatives.

It is not about punishing you. Nor is it necessarily about money. It may be about not wanting strangers at such a personal occasion.

Miss Manners urges you to regard your friends’ weddings as opportunities to meet the people they care about. Before “and guest” existed, weddings were famous for putting eligible people together and thus promoting more weddings.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)