DEAR MISS MANNERS: While in line to check out at a grocery store, I fumbled my coffee and it ended up on the floor. The cashier called for cleanup and went on with scanning our items.

A few moments later, I glanced up to see a man standing behind me with a mop. I stepped aside as best as I could, but he just stood there, spinning the mop and staring at me. I eventually paid and left.

Should I have offered to take the mop or something? I felt as if that’s what he was waiting for, but I’ve never been offered a mop by an employee before, so I was (and still am) confused by what was expected of me.

GENTLE READER: Here is how, in Miss Manners’ experience, the situation you described might play out:

Clumsy Customer: “Oh dear! I am so sorry, please let me clean that up.”

Person with Mop: “No, that’s OK. I’ll get it.”

Clumsy Customer: “Thank you so much. That’s very kind of you. I really am very sorry.”

Person with Mop: “Of course, ma’am. It happens. Happy to help.”

Miss Manners realizes that you may not have had the chance to offer, and you encountered an unusually surly mopper. But it also sounds as though it was never your intention. That may be what the Person with the Mop was responding to, however rudely it may have been expressed.

Next time, Miss Manners suggests you stick to your part of the script -- and be prepared to graciously improvise if the Person with the Mop does not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse and I are frequently included in group messages. Sometimes these groups include 35 to 70 people. While I have made it known that I don’t wish to be a part of mass texts, this continues to happen.

Is it rude to add people to these groups without consent? One time after I left a group, the person asked why I did so. I explained that I prefer not to receive that volume of messages, especially when they are sending my spouse and me the same ones.

GENTLE READER: This is one of the many reasons why Miss Manners prefers written correspondence. The mail system slows down its volume.

Group messages may feel efficient when it comes to making dinner plans or commenting on the latest celebrity mishap, but when too many people are contributing suggestions and hilarious remarks, it clogs up the message system and instead inspires contempt.

Miss Manners suggests that you politely and good-naturedly ask to be removed from the group messaging as it occurs: “245 texts? Please make this stop! Of course I’m interested in what you think, but Tyler is also on this thread and will let me know, I’m sure, when a final verdict is made. In the meantime, I would truly appreciate being able to keep my job.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it permissible to create a font in your handwriting to address wedding invitations and write thank-you notes?

GENTLE READER: Certainly. But Miss Manners assures you that the effort will not result in fooling anyone.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is a quadriplegic. He is paralyzed from the neck down. When dining, I am feeding both him and myself. This means that I cannot reach his water glass in the upper-right corner of his place setting, so I set it near mine. And he needs to drink through a straw. It’s difficult to balance food on the fork while feeding him, so sometimes, depending on the meal, I will use a spoon so as to avoid spilling. I also put a napkin on his lap, as well as one on his chest.

As much as we would like to maintain etiquette, our situation is far from ideal. Considering the circumstances, are our current habits acceptable? And are there any other suggestions you can offer so that our unique situation is as appropriate as possible?

GENTLE READER: Your phasing (“As much as we would like to maintain etiquette”) reflects a misapprehension that moving your husband’s water glass, under the circumstances you describe, is a violation of etiquette. It is emphatically not, a point on which Miss Manners feels strongly and hopes will comfort you.

Since at least the delivery of the Ten Commandments, there has been a common -- and mistaken -- belief that law, and by extension etiquette, is no more than a list of “shalts” and “shalt nots” that can be followed robotically to a heavenly reward. As both biblical scholars and lawyers can tell you, this is not true of the law, and it is certainly not true of etiquette. (Miss Manners now finds herself, irrelevantly and irreverently, wondering if, having completed lunch together, a biblical scholar and a lawyer would be able to share a cab to their final destination.) Reasonable accommodation for your husband’s condition -- giving due regard to both him and the other guests -- is not only the right thing to do; it is also the mannerly thing to do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A family member has started declining invitations by saying “No, thank you.” Sometimes a reason is given -- “We’ll be out of town,” “We’re busy that week,” etc. -- but then the response continues by saying, “We’re going to pass.”

I have a negative reaction to the phrase that the recipient is “passing” on the invitation, but cannot articulate why. Is that an acceptable way to respond to an invitation?

GENTLE READER: Your objection to “passing” on an invitation is its informality, which implies that turning down your invitation was, to use another colloquial expression, “no big deal.” It is. With very few exceptions, one can decline an invitation, but one should never denigrate it.

However, Miss Manners finds it interesting that this was not your family member’s first response, but his third, after “No, thank you” and “We’ll be (washing our hair).” She hopes that the multiple rejections, with their increasing air of desperation, were not necessitated by your own refusal to take a proper “No, thank you; I’m sorry, I can’t” for an answer.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to applaud or give standing ovations in a movie theater when watching a live simulcast of an opera performance? Several companies hold these simulcasts.

I ask because, as I understand it, such forms of praise and congratulations are typically given to live performers onstage and in the orchestra pit, and it is obvious that these performers neither hear nor see the audience in a movie theater -- however enthusiastic and moved this audience may be.

On the other hand, it seems to be perfectly acceptable to applaud after seeing a film that is particularly well received, knowing fully well that neither the cast nor crew is present.

GENTLE READER: One does not applaud either, for the exact reason you mention. Miss Manners asks the audiences at televised awards ceremonies to take particular note of her answer, which, in their case, is further buttressed by the dictum against applauding oneself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am on my third marriage. My first marriage ended in divorce, after 12 years and three children. I obviously refer to this man as my ex (or my children’s father) when he or my first marriage comes up in conversation.

My second marriage lasted five years and was amazing. He was a terrific husband in pretty much every way, and a wonderful human being. I lost him unexpectedly -- too young, only 38 -- and was devastated, and not sure I’d ever want to do marriage again. But early this year, I remarried another terrific man and husband.

How is it appropriate to refer to my second, deceased husband? He was never an “ex.” However, referring to him as my “late husband” to someone who didn’t know us during that time seems confusing, since I am now married again.

Do I just call him my “second husband”? That makes me sound like a serial bride! He comes up in conversation because he was a huge part of our lives and had a major impact on not only me, but my children and even my parents.

My current husband will even bring him up occasionally, since they were also friends, so conversations can be awkward with people who are just getting to know us. What would be the correct etiquette for a man who deserves honoring?

GENTLE READER: The exceptions to common rules of etiquette are often as interesting as the reasons behind the rules themselves. The rule, in your case, is not making fellow conversationalists feel left out by referencing an experience -- or in this case, a person -- with which (or whom) they are not familiar.

Miss Manners imagines your mentioning, “As my late husband used to say ...” as a way of avoiding this mistake and yet being able to repeat his aphorism. In your case, it is preferable to use his name (“Well, Ernest used to say ...”). Miss Manners feels that the use of his name honors his memory, and the momentary confusion caused provides an opportunity to explain briefly who and what he was. As his memory remains important to you and your current husband, this is something you will need to do with people you are getting to know.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)