DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a profession where I meet with clients for an hour or more in a small conference room. I have severe asthma triggered by fragrances and smoke, especially cigarette smoke.

I send a polite welcoming letter to new clients, asking them not to use scented products before coming to see me. Some ignore my request, while others try, but they use so much fragrance regularly that their clothing still reeks of it, even if they did not apply it before coming to my office.

Today, I’m having a severe reaction to cigarette smoke that’s clinging to my clothing and hair after I met with potential clients who are heavy smokers. The only physical contact I had with them was shaking their hands, but hours later, I’m still wheezing and coughing, my eyes are burning, my nose is running, my throat is scratchy and I can still smell it. This can cascade into a serious asthmatic illness.

I don’t know a polite way to tell them I can’t accept them as my clients. I have a specialty that very few people in my profession have locally, and they consulted me for my particular expertise. I feel terrible telling them I cannot accept their case, but this is affecting my health and ability to work. How do I politely tell potential new clients that I cannot work with smokers or people who wear overpowering fragrances?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette has not yet devised a way to decline a potential client for smelling bad. This may be a failure of imagination, but it is immaterial as one can instead claim that their case is too difficult (it would require more commitment of time than you currently have), too simple (and could be handled by someone without your skills), or too something else.

These are merely examples; Miss Manners relies on your expertise in the field to find ones that will fit. It does give her pause that such non-explanations have been misused historically to turn people away for reasons that were less understandable (race, gender and politics, to name a few).

And it makes her wonder -- not only for the customer who is otherwise left without your services, but also for your business -- if there is not a solution involving a larger conference room, a better air filtration system, or an open window. Or telecommunication?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance of 15 years has a son who recently got married, and asked his dad and mother to sit together in the church during the wedding ceremony. I was asked to sit two rows behind them, with the mother’s boyfriend.

I did not agree with this. However, what is proper?

GENTLE READER: A 15-year engagement is unusual enough to distinguish it from the boyfriend your future stepson’s mother just met. But its very unusualness may mistakenly have led the son to conclude that you and he are unlikely to have any future, legal relationship.

Miss Manners would have had no objection to your asking your fiance to intervene, as long as you had been prepared for a polite no -- possibly defended as a need to have the many ceremony participants immediately accessible.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love my neighbors, and would like to solve a recurring problem with their guests, as it creates hard feelings and frustration on my side, and likely for my neighbors as well.

They live across the street, and we are located at the end of our street. When their guests come, they invariably park directly in front of the neighbors’ house, which puts their car at the entrance to my driveway, so I can neither pull in nor back out of my driveway. Sometimes there are two cars there.

Their driveway is large enough to allow six cars to park comfortably. There is plenty of space in front of my house to park, on my side of the street, but no one ever parks there. And there are plenty of places to park even if the two spaces in front of their house at the end of my driveway were not used.

What do you recommend as a solution? My neighbor has helped to direct people to park in other places, as have I. I’ve thought of creating signs that could be put out.

GENTLE READER: It is time for a polite demonstration. Next time the problem recurs, ring the doorbell and explain that you need to get out -- and cannot.

Your neighbors, and their guests, will then need to interrupt the festivities to extricate you. This is likely to be memorable enough that it will discourage future occurrences.

Miss Manners realizes you may need to invent an errand to make this credible: insisting on getting out and then having nowhere to go will also create lasting memories -- but not ones that will solve your problem.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When, if ever, is it permissible to cut one’s food into multiple smaller bites at the same time?

I find it much more efficient to cut an entree into several pieces at once, eat them individually with my fork, then cut some more.

This works well with a stack of pancakes or a waffle. Why not for bacon, fried eggs or a choice cut of meat, even a steak or prime rib?

I find it ineffective to tarry over a single bite, put down my knife, transfer my fork from my less-dominant hand, consume the sole piece, then “wash, rinse and repeat” multiple times during the course of my meal.

Must all food be singly and deliberately savored? I’m not racing to the finish, just trying to consume my food more easily and efficiently. Can you let things slide and cut me some slack, or must I be skewered?

GENTLE READER: Unless you cook your eggs for a very long time, they are likely to slide with or without Miss Manners’ permission. But for everything else, she will say that detaching two mouthfuls at a time is allowed. The rule is not so much that every single bite be detached in a separate operation, but rather that the result not be Lego-like mounds of hot dog, Brussels sprouts and polenta.

Dietitians and nutritionists will, like Miss Manners, remind you that, as a nation, our eating habits are a good deal too efficient already.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 21-year-old woman who is very close with my 86-year-old grandmother, and I see her weekly. Sometimes when my friends come up in conversation, my grandmother will refer to the female ones as my “girlfriends.”

I refer to all my friends as “friends,” regardless of gender. I am also bisexual, which my grandmother knows and accepts, but she continues to refer to my female friends as “girlfriends,” even knowing the possibility that I could have a romantic girlfriend.

I have politely corrected her when she refers to a female friend as my girlfriend -- ”I’m not dating her, we’re just friends” -- but she continues to do it. She is in good shape, physically and mentally, and she holds progressive opinions, so it’s likely not a matter of an old dog not being able to learn new tricks.

Is this an ingrained generational difference, or could I persuade her differently?

GENTLE READER: No, and probably not.

The fact is that even now, many people, young and old, use “girlfriend” in either sense -- as the female in a friendship or in a romance. You are not going to win that one.

Miss Manners suggests that you try teaching your grandmother to refer to your romantic interests as “partners” -- and try learning not to be upset if she doesn’t.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the matter with young people expecting guests to travel to far-flung destinations for weddings that could easily be celebrated locally?

My grandson’s oldest and dearest friend is getting married on Long Island, New York. The groom’s younger brother planned a bachelor party in New Orleans.

As a groomsman, my grandson has the expense of flying to New Orleans, two nights’ hotel stay, food and drinks. Then there is the wedding: tux rental and a generous gift for his best friend.

The bachelor party could have been held on Long Island or even in Manhattan, which would have eliminated airfare and hotel stays.

Have young people any sense of values? None of these people come from affluent families. All working people. Can you knock some good common sense into them?

GENTLE READER: Shouldn’t your grandson try? Did he tell the bridegroom’s brother that he regretted that he could not attend the bachelor party? Did he talk to the other groomsmen, who may have felt the same way?

Wedding industry propaganda has succeeded in making many outrageous expenses seem not only desirable, but necessary. Many bridal couples go into serious debt for their weddings.

Miss Manners believes that they are receptive because weddings -- and to a lesser extent, proms, which are also subject to ridiculous costs -- are the only really festive occasions in their lives. Everything else being strictly casual -- even work, now -- their wedding is their only chance to dress up, to participate in rituals and, one must admit, to show off.

But if others refused to go along with it, and stopped spending their money and holiday time witnessing other people’s extravagant fantasies, sense might prevail.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Am I correct in my belief that, circa 1800, the initials engraved on a spoon would have been those of the wife’s married name?

GENTLE READER: More likely they would be her maiden initials, as those who could collect silver began doing so before marriage. Sometimes even before the prospect of marriage, but also during long engagements.

It strikes Miss Manners as all the more practical nowadays, when long engagements have returned, whether because of elaborate wedding planning or the interruption of having children.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)