DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend got me a job at the company where she works -- a temp job for a few months’ time. It was a real help for me, and I don’t know what I would have done otherwise.

My friend is acting as my boss, and she is generally very nice. However, she told me that although she is my boss, I make more than her, and she feels pretty bad about it. I told her I was shocked to hear that and that they should pay her more, but I didn’t know what else to say.

Now I’m feeling terribly guilty and have an impulse to send her money, but I’m afraid if I did, it would be a passive-aggressive move. Is there anything else that can be done? I will be out of here soon anyway, and unemployed again.

GENTLE READER: Well, that should make her feel better.

There are so many things that are exceedingly wrong here and all for different reasons: that a temp would get paid more than a boss; that your friend would think it necessary to mention that to you; that you would feel that any of this is your fault -- and especially that you would think it your responsibility to send her money to make up for it.

Miss Manners finds the last one more confusing than passive-aggressive. Your best course would be to be supportive of your friend: either in her asking for a raise -- or helping her to find a better job.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This afternoon, my spouse asked me to text our new roommate the location of the thermostat so he could turn on the air conditioner while we were out. I tried to, but accidentally sent the text to a completely different person (the dog groomer). I sent another text to her explaining the previous text should be ignored, and sent the original text on to the intended recipient.

But this got me wondering: Is there a specific etiquette rule on what to do if a message is sent to the wrong person? This text was innocuous, but I sometimes send racier texts to my spouse. What if one of those went astray?

GENTLE READER: This, it seems to Miss Manners, is an excellent argument for not sending saucy texts. But far be it from her to intrude on anyone’s fun.

If a wayward text is sent to the local hedge pruner instead of its intended recipient, a simple apology and redirect is all that is necessary. Convincing your spouse that the mistake was innocent, however, might be a bit more complicated.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are you required to invite the grandparents of the bride and groom to the rehearsal dinner?

GENTLE READER: What would be the advantage of not doing so?

Surely, excluding them in favor of your Color Palette Specialist and Cousin’s Ex-Girlfriend’s Roommate Who Also DJs will not be worth the family tension that will likely ensue.

Unless, however, Nana and Pop-Pop are given to voicing loud opinions on controversial subjects -- or your marital union. In that case, Miss Manners gives you permission to limit the dinner to only those standing up in, or essential to, the ceremony itself -- however you choose to define that.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was standing at the curb in front of a restaurant, and my attention was more focused on the parking lot than the front door, approximately 15 feet away from me. An older woman walked up to the door and said pointedly in my direction, “In my day, young men were expected to open doors for their elders.”

I do make a point of opening doors for ladies, the elderly, the disabled, people carrying or pushing things, etc., when I am passing through a door at nearly the same time as them, or am standing close to the door for some other reason.

Presumably, if I had been standing at the other side of the parking lot, I would not have been expected to sprint over to open the door. But at what distance am I required to move to the door to open it for someone if I am not already within arm’s length of it?

GENTLE READER: The maximum distance that requires intervention is measured not in feet, but in the less precise metrics of your attention and the other person’s need.

You cannot be expected to act on a situation of which you are unaware, and the presumption that this is the case grows with distance. An intervening driveway diminishes your responsibility. However, an elderly person who is struggling, and failing, to balance packages and a heavy door increases your responsibility to intervene.

Someone who has enough spare energy to be able to criticize the behavior of passersby -- a rude, not to mention energy-consuming, task -- rates somewhat lower. If you can plausibly appear not to have heard the woman’s remark, then Miss Manners agrees you can go about your business. If not, she can only thank you for performing an otherwise thankless task.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance and I are getting married in a small backyard ceremony this fall. Friends of mine are getting married two weeks later, and have sent us a save-the-date announcement for their large wedding.

We had not planned on inviting them to our wedding, but are now feeling like we should reciprocate. What is the proper thing to do?

GENTLE READER: The rule of returning invitation for invitation does not apply to weddings absolutely, but Miss Manners recognizes your dilemma.

The solution will require a conversation that begins with the admission that you are also getting married, followed by the explanation that you are having a very small, informal family wedding.

Since telling people that they are not invited is ... not a compliment ... your explanation should be followed with an alternative invitation. If you are not planning a later party for friends, then perhaps you could suggest an evening out with the two newlywed couples. And if you have not already booked the honeymoon, you might wish to ensure that you are far from home on the second weekend after your own nuptials.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am invited to a 50th birthday luncheon for a girlfriend, and the invite says, “no gifts, please.” What can I do instead?

GENTLE READER: Bring your most winning smile.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a casual dining restaurant (a national chain), the waitress bringing several drinks to our table -- without a tray, for some reason -- had carried my glass of beer under her arm.

Yes, under her arm.

I am still at a loss about what to have done. I didn’t want to embarrass the waitress, but I would have liked to have sent the drink back. And what do you say? “Excuse me, but my drink was under your arm”?

But as the bar was out of sight, I was unsure what she or anyone else would have done to my new drink. Any advice? Since this was a national chain, and training in this area is minimal and not standardized in the U.S., I can unfortunately imagine it happening again.

GENTLE READER: As the captain who gratefully received a steaming hot mug of coffee from his ensign on a ship pitching in heavy weather can attest, there is a leap of faith in accepting food from the hands of others. (Said captain eventually learned that the delivering ensign took a mouthful of the coffee while in transit, which he returned to the mug before entering the bridge.)

Miss Manners does not condone the unsanitary handling of food, but she is not the health department. And she is practical enough to realize both that there can be differences in what people consider sanitary, and that, were you to return the beer, citing your reason, the server would have boundless opportunity to do something far worse out of sight.

Ask for a manager and express your concern. It may or may not affect your next visit -- should you choose to return to that restaurant -- but it will at least shield you from retaliation. Miss Manners leaves the decision to drink or not to drink the beer as an exercise for the reader.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Due to my own carelessness in not writing an entry on my calendar for a housewarming/birthday party, I forgot about it. The invitation from our friends was through social media, to which I had responded that I would attend.

My most important concern is what to say to apologize without sounding like the party was of such little importance that I could have forgotten it. A secondary concern is the medium to use to apologize: private message through a social media channel, or handwritten note sent via mail.

I think that I know your answer (note via mail), but is it ever acceptable to express apologies (or thanks) electronically?

GENTLE READER: Taking the time to write and post a letter, in addition to being the proper thing, will increase your chances of obtaining forgiveness. Miss Manners allows electronic correspondence for actions requiring the most minimal thanks. But as minimal apologies are not likely to sound genuine, she is hard-pressed to think of a case in which they would be either proper or effective.

The letter should demonstrate your remorse by showing your would-be hosts that you condemn yourself more than they ever could. Expressing horror at your own thoughtlessness and the deepest contrition should do it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)