DEAR MISS MANNERS: Where, exactly, do you suggest one go to change a diaper on an airplane?

The aisle is pretty much the only place. There aren’t changing tables in the bathrooms -- there is barely room for one person, much less room to change a diaper.

Leaving a child in a wet diaper can lead to infections and skin problems. Leaving a child in a dirty diaper will surely extend the unpleasantness for everyone on the plane.

All passengers need to do their best to be polite. Anyone who wants peace and quiet should either fly in a private plane or get noise-canceling headphones.

GENTLE READER: We at least agree that everyone on a plane must endeavor to be polite.

Navies learned long ago that being in close quarters with the same people for extended periods of time required more, not less, etiquette to keep everyone from coming to blows. This was recognized before the invention of submarines or airplanes, when an occasional walk outside to clear one’s thoughts was still possible.

But you already knew that Miss Manners was unlikely to recommend changing one’s baby on the lap of the person next to you, no matter how convenient. Airplane bathrooms now do have fold-down tables for changing, which, like everything else in airplanes these days, is carefully measured to be challenging, but not impossible. We can agree that a tiny bit more space would result in a great deal less discomfort, but whether that happens or not, please still change the baby in the bathroom.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have decided that it is in our best interests to totally abstain from drinking alcohol. As a result, we do not purchase alcohol to have in our home. We do not object, however, or find it uncomfortable, to have guests who wish to have a cocktail or wine with dinner.

Is it rude to ask people to bring their own bottle of wine or favorite alcoholic beverage when they come to our house for dinner? In some ways, it seems ungracious for us not to have such beverages on hand, but a lot of our guests are so used to having a dinner cocktail that I think their dining pleasure is greatly reduced when this is not available.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette often sets alcohol apart from other food and drink -- not just because of its side effects, but because of its significance in culture, history and religion.

But not always. You make clear that your objection to alcohol extends only to yourself and your husband; not only have you expressed no adverse opinion about others’ use of it, you are willing for them to imbibe it in your home.

For that reason, your question could instead be about broccoli -- in which case the answer would not have required Miss Manners’ intervention, so apparent would it be. As the host, you are free to set the menu, and you can include or exclude alcohol. But if you want it to be available to your guests, then it is up to you to procure it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance (a man) asked me (a woman) how he could go about using a certain building to hold an event. When I was finished explaining it to him and it was time to go home, I said goodbye and walked towards the door.

When I was about 10 feet away, he called out my name. He said, I suppose as an explanation, “I’m a touchy-feely person,” and asked for a hug. I didn’t know what else to do, so I hugged him and left.

I have seen this man here and there at community events over the past few years, and have just recently been reminded of his name. The past three times he has run into me, he has asked me about my boyfriends (present and past) and very little else. (He is married and I have met his wife).

I find this vaguely disturbing, but on the other hand, he has not done anything that is obviously inappropriate. I don’t really feel like hugging him again, but it is likely that we will be running into each other more often in the future. How can I avoid hugging him again without starting a feud?

GENTLE READER: Never mind that vagueness: The reason that you are disturbed is that this behavior is disturbing. No one has any business hugging you without your permission, or inquiring about your personal life.

Miss Manners is alarmed that you feel that politeness requires you to put up with this through subtle evasiveness. It does not. The response to his declaration of being “a touchy-feely person” should be, “Well, I am not.” And to the questions, “That is my private life.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 36-year-old mother of four, and am prematurely graying. I choose not to dye my hair for my own personal Christian beliefs. I go to church with a few ladies who also believe that they shouldn’t dye their hair.

One of the ladies in the group is in her late 50s and completely gray herself, yet she loves to point out how much I’ve grayed over the past few years. When she does this, she’s quite loud, and it embarrasses me.

I know she doesn’t mean anything by it. She’s just blunt. But still, it hurts my feelings, and she embarrasses me in front of others by mentioning it.

She does it so often that I now avoid her. I feel like this is rude of her. How can I let her know what she’s doing without hurting her feelings or being rude myself?

GENTLE READER: People who repeat the same inane remarks should be given the same responses until they finally give up.

In this case, Miss Manners would suggest, “Well, as you have guessed, I keep hoping I’ll get to look like you” -- said loudly enough to get a laugh from the bystanders.

But Miss Manners has a question of her own: What is embarrassing about gray or graying hair?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to an out-of-town wedding for a close friend’s daughter. I texted my friend to let her know that my husband and I would fly out and stay at a hotel for the weekend so that we could share in the celebration. She expressed surprise, but happiness that we were coming.

However, the next day, when I spoke to her on the phone, she mentioned that she had asked her daughter to send me a “token” invitation so I would feel included. She had reassured her daughter that we would not come to the wedding.

I felt put-off by this exchange, and wondered if my husband and I should change our RSVP. I don’t want to add two guests to the affair if it was only meant to be a token invite. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That these are token friends.

Miss Manners is aware that people often inflate their invitation lists while calculating that a smaller number will accept. But this is a gamble, for which they must accept the consequences.

What you have been told instead, and in insultingly plain terms, is not only that they didn’t want you at the wedding, but that they thought you would be grateful just to be invited. Of course you should not attend.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work from home, at an online job that is writing- and photography-based. While I make a full income, many of my friends and family don’t consider it a real job.

I am never asked about it while at functions, but family and friends on both sides ask my husband about his job. (He works in corporate real estate, and has sold a number of sizable buildings.)

When someone does mention my work, it is sarcastically (“Well, at least he gets up and goes to work every day”) or as an offhand question that the asker doesn’t really want the answer to (“Are you telling me you really make money doing that?”).

How am I to respond? I’m very supportive of my husband’s job, and he is of mine. It’s making me not want to go to functions anymore.

GENTLE READER: Understandably. Parties at which people talk only about jobs and rate one another accordingly cannot be much fun -- even for those who pass the test, such as your husband.

In your case, they have gone beyond the pretense of conversation to insult you. So Miss Manners will permit you to make a stiff reply: “You are not familiar with the world of online careers, are you?” and, if necessary, the protestation that “it would be too much of a bore to explain the basics.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please define the attire for a formal wedding vs. a black-tie wedding.

GENTLE READER: Dress code definitions are in a state of chaos (“Festive”? “Optional”? “Dressy casual”?), but Miss Manners will try.

Nowadays, formal, for an evening event, generally means the same as black tie. Formerly, formal (please excuse the double F) meant white tie and tails, but now those are worn mostly by orchestra conductors, and not all of them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)