DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance (a man) asked me (a woman) how he could go about using a certain building to hold an event. When I was finished explaining it to him and it was time to go home, I said goodbye and walked towards the door.

When I was about 10 feet away, he called out my name. He said, I suppose as an explanation, “I’m a touchy-feely person,” and asked for a hug. I didn’t know what else to do, so I hugged him and left.

I have seen this man here and there at community events over the past few years, and have just recently been reminded of his name. The past three times he has run into me, he has asked me about my boyfriends (present and past) and very little else. (He is married and I have met his wife).

I find this vaguely disturbing, but on the other hand, he has not done anything that is obviously inappropriate. I don’t really feel like hugging him again, but it is likely that we will be running into each other more often in the future. How can I avoid hugging him again without starting a feud?

GENTLE READER: Never mind that vagueness: The reason that you are disturbed is that this behavior is disturbing. No one has any business hugging you without your permission, or inquiring about your personal life.

Miss Manners is alarmed that you feel that politeness requires you to put up with this through subtle evasiveness. It does not. The response to his declaration of being “a touchy-feely person” should be, “Well, I am not.” And to the questions, “That is my private life.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 36-year-old mother of four, and am prematurely graying. I choose not to dye my hair for my own personal Christian beliefs. I go to church with a few ladies who also believe that they shouldn’t dye their hair.

One of the ladies in the group is in her late 50s and completely gray herself, yet she loves to point out how much I’ve grayed over the past few years. When she does this, she’s quite loud, and it embarrasses me.

I know she doesn’t mean anything by it. She’s just blunt. But still, it hurts my feelings, and she embarrasses me in front of others by mentioning it.

She does it so often that I now avoid her. I feel like this is rude of her. How can I let her know what she’s doing without hurting her feelings or being rude myself?

GENTLE READER: People who repeat the same inane remarks should be given the same responses until they finally give up.

In this case, Miss Manners would suggest, “Well, as you have guessed, I keep hoping I’ll get to look like you” -- said loudly enough to get a laugh from the bystanders.

But Miss Manners has a question of her own: What is embarrassing about gray or graying hair?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to an out-of-town wedding for a close friend’s daughter. I texted my friend to let her know that my husband and I would fly out and stay at a hotel for the weekend so that we could share in the celebration. She expressed surprise, but happiness that we were coming.

However, the next day, when I spoke to her on the phone, she mentioned that she had asked her daughter to send me a “token” invitation so I would feel included. She had reassured her daughter that we would not come to the wedding.

I felt put-off by this exchange, and wondered if my husband and I should change our RSVP. I don’t want to add two guests to the affair if it was only meant to be a token invite. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That these are token friends.

Miss Manners is aware that people often inflate their invitation lists while calculating that a smaller number will accept. But this is a gamble, for which they must accept the consequences.

What you have been told instead, and in insultingly plain terms, is not only that they didn’t want you at the wedding, but that they thought you would be grateful just to be invited. Of course you should not attend.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work from home, at an online job that is writing- and photography-based. While I make a full income, many of my friends and family don’t consider it a real job.

I am never asked about it while at functions, but family and friends on both sides ask my husband about his job. (He works in corporate real estate, and has sold a number of sizable buildings.)

When someone does mention my work, it is sarcastically (“Well, at least he gets up and goes to work every day”) or as an offhand question that the asker doesn’t really want the answer to (“Are you telling me you really make money doing that?”).

How am I to respond? I’m very supportive of my husband’s job, and he is of mine. It’s making me not want to go to functions anymore.

GENTLE READER: Understandably. Parties at which people talk only about jobs and rate one another accordingly cannot be much fun -- even for those who pass the test, such as your husband.

In your case, they have gone beyond the pretense of conversation to insult you. So Miss Manners will permit you to make a stiff reply: “You are not familiar with the world of online careers, are you?” and, if necessary, the protestation that “it would be too much of a bore to explain the basics.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please define the attire for a formal wedding vs. a black-tie wedding.

GENTLE READER: Dress code definitions are in a state of chaos (“Festive”? “Optional”? “Dressy casual”?), but Miss Manners will try.

Nowadays, formal, for an evening event, generally means the same as black tie. Formerly, formal (please excuse the double F) meant white tie and tails, but now those are worn mostly by orchestra conductors, and not all of them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I own a small company and have one employee. Sean does a fantastic job at the office, but dresses rather casually. I am OK with this, as it is just him and me in the office, and I want everyone to be comfortable.

We are now doing new client presentations, and I need Sean’s expertise at these. I’ve asked him to dress in “business casual” attire for these events. However, he arrives on the day of the presentation with scuffed shoes and pants/shirt that are mismatched and below what I would consider business casual.

I know the clients will see this as unprofessional, and it may impact our ability to win new work. I suspect he may not have the background or knowledge to know how to dress properly for these situations.

I don’t want to be rude or overstep my bounds within the workplace, but how much can I direct his wardrobe? If he doesn’t own the proper attire, is it unreasonable to ask him to purchase it?

GENTLE READER: He likely thinks he already complied. “Business casual” is an oxymoron, vague and undefinable, so Miss Manners hardly blames its hapless followers for interpreting it as they wish.

It is not unreasonable for you, as his employer, to require a certain dress code, but you must be specific. “These clients are a bit more formal, so business attire -- a button-down shirt, dress shoes and pants that are not jeans or overly pocketed -- is probably warranted. I know that we are generally more casual in the office when it is just us, but we want to make a good impression in order to help win the account.”

While you do not have to offer any other assistance with this, making sure that his salary is commensurate with the ability to purchase new clothes would not be remiss. Nor would the recommendation of a good shoe polish.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The committee planning a work event invited a guest speaker, who responded, “I will let you know.” Another member of the committee asked another speaker, who agreed enthusiastically. How do I tell the first speaker we no longer need them to speak at the event?

GENTLE READER: How long did you take before you changed course?

Miss Manners understands that a definitive reply is more appealing and convenient than a vague one. However, having not been told otherwise, the first person might have thought that the offer was still open.

The proper response to the noncommittal one would have been, “We will need to confirm within the week.” Or even, “When will you be able to let us know?”

Miss Manners cannot tell from your letter if the committee was miffed at the lack of enthusiasm and looked for a more sure option, or if a genuine mistake was made when another member asked. Either way, she recommends that you plead the latter: “I am afraid that there was a miscommunication, and not knowing for sure if you were available, another committee member asked a speaker who was more able to commit. We hope that you will be available next time.”

The likely subtext, “Next time, you should answer quickly and be more flattered that we asked” will likely be understood.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)