DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am unusually bad with remembering names and faces. I make an effort to remember people that I will see again, but there are a lot of people I meet in passing who are beyond my capacity. This is especially awkward at times, because I appear to be easily remembered by other people.

Usually I can fake things well enough, and use context clues to make small talk until it is time to mingle with someone new. (And may I take a moment to sincerely thank those people who work a reintroduction into their greetings?) But what do I do when someone corners me on my memory, and is offended by the results?

At a wedding shower, I was approached by someone who asked whether I recognized her. I tried self-deprecating humor about my memory, but she doubled down on the question, and was clearly hurt when I had to admit I still didn’t recognize her.

Miss Manners, if what she said is accurate, we’ve met at most half a dozen times during my childhood, none more recently than 15 years ago. She was an adult, and her relationship was with my aunt, not with me.

On that basis, I can’t think why either of us should be expected to remember the other -- but saying so, while honest, didn’t seem kind. I tried for a joke about how we would have to meet more often, but it clearly didn’t help.

My family is at a point where I can expect these kinds of social events more often -- likely even with this same woman -- and I would like to be prepared. What is the polite response when you don’t recognize someone, and they know it?

GENTLE READER: Adults sometimes flatter themselves that the impression they leave on the impressionable is greater than it is. And while it is hurtful to be forgotten, that is a reason not to challenge others’ memories.

Miss Manners applauds you for both apologizing, and for your self-deprecation, although it is quite understandable that you failed this rude test. You will no doubt recognize this particular woman when you see her again, and can offer her a touch more attention -- or remember her well enough to stay away from her.

Generally, you should make a habit of telling people your name preemptively, so that they can reply that of course they know you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At our condo’s recent annual meeting at a nearby clubhouse, one of the members ordered dinner for her daughter and herself. They ate while the other 25 or so members took care of business.

She explained that she and her daughter did not have time to eat beforehand because they were at a spa all day. I did not think much of her etiquette. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: Not herself a fan of conducting business with one’s mouth full at all, Miss Manners agrees that two people eating while everyone else abstains is even more disagreeable. This is easily solved by removing the temptation: Clubhouses can provide rooms without immediate access to food, and the club staff can be asked to tell the hungry that there is food available downstairs.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to save seats at shows or performances?

When attending our children’s school performances, we sometimes have family members who arrive at different times. If we arrive first, we often save a seat for an aunt or grandmother who arrives after we do.

This is common practice at most events I’ve been to that don’t have assigned seating, and everyone seems very cordial about it. Is the etiquette on this matter different when attending a movie?

GENTLE READER: Open seating, whatever the event, works on the premise of “first come, first served.” But as etiquette is too gracious to be taken literally, it overlooks the distinction between actual and imminent presence.

Miss Manners has no objection to anyone placing a coat on the adjacent seat while a spouse goes in search of popcorn; she (not to mention other ticket buyers) is less tolerant of large swaths of territory being staked out for acquaintances who are still at home, looking for the car keys.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance’s husband phoned and asked to borrow a large, expensive tool. I had mentioned previously to her that they could borrow it, so this was not completely a surprise. But it was a little surprising that it was he who made the call, when we have met only briefly, and that they wanted to borrow it immediately.

However, I said yes, and then hurriedly made a few rooms presentable, because we had been enjoying a weekend lie-in. Some spaces were definitely not presentable, and my acquaintance is extremely image-conscious.

They arrived, and the husband loaded it into their vehicle while she looked around the property, checking out a great deal of the house. It was her first-ever visit, so I understand her having a little curiosity. When she started to go into spaces I had not tidied, I asked her, “Please don’t go in there.”

She did anyway, and had a good look around. I did not apologize for the state of things, nor offer excuses, but I was embarrassed and also extremely annoyed. I don’t know what more I could have done to deter her without being rude.

GENTLE READER: Step 1. While your acquaintance is investigating one room, physically place yourself between her and the next location you consider off-limits. This may be the next room or the bottom of the stairs. Since you have the home-court advantage, Miss Manners leaves the specifics to you.

Step 2. Offer tea, coffee, or anything else that will move your nosy acquaintance to a more neutral location -- while still allowing you to block her advance. If she refuses refreshments, ask her to join you in the front room (on the excuse of pleasant conversation).

If all else fails, begin whatever pleasant conversation you can muster without moving. No accusation of rudeness can be leveled against a hostess for where she stands while performing her hostly duties, unless it be in front of the bathroom or the exit.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend has stated that saying “thank you” for gifts and men removing their caps in restaurants were both generational rules that are now outdated. (We are both in our 80s.)

She said we should no longer expect a thank-you for gifts, because that means the giver is giving conditionally. Her grandchildren have been advised by their mother (my friend’s daughter-in-law) that saying “thank you” for gifts is no longer necessary. Is this the trend now?

GENTLE READER: Oh, your poor friend. She is suffering from the etiquette equivalent of Stockholm syndrome.

When etiquette evolves, it is not at the direction of those who rudely violate its principles. That would be like allowing felons to revise our laws.

But as Miss Manners is the one in charge of authorizing change, she will explain to you why the examples your friend mentions are not legitimate.

Some etiquette rules have a moral basis. Gratitude, which is also an essential requirement in many religions, is permanently and inextricably linked to generosity. Those whose generosity is ignored are justified in concluding that it has not achieved its purpose of pleasing. And those who are unwilling to express gratitude should not accept favors, presents or other forms of kindness.

Other etiquette rules are merely symbolic, and therefore arbitrary and subject to change. The symbolism of hats has been in a state of confusion for some time. The traditional rule is that gentlemen remove their hats indoors as a sign of respect -- especially in a church, for example. But the arbitrariness of this is shown by the fact that piety in a synagogue is demonstrated by their wearing hats.

The traditional rule about ladies’ hats is that these did not need to be removed indoors, and wearing a head covering was even required by some churches. But then, most ladies abandoned feminine hats entirely, and many have started wearing baseball caps, which are unisex and therefore not subject to the female rule.

So in theory, the rule about gentlemen’s hats could change. But this has not yet been fully accepted. Your friend, or her masculine friends, should be aware that there are still people who are offended by seeing caps worn indoors. And while some of them are also elderly, American tourists abroad have been scorned, even by the young, for the perceived disrespect of keeping their caps on indoors, especially in churches.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On occasion, I have given gifts to friends who then promptly mention to whom they will give my gift, or they actually give my gift to another person in my presence, immediately. I have said nothing. What, if anything, should I have done?

GENTLE READER: Cross them off your list.

When someone announces an intention to regift your offering, Miss Manners suggests putting out your hand and saying, “I didn’t mean to burden you; I’ll just take it back.” If the item is brazenly handed to someone else in your presence, you might say, “Sorry, I hadn’t thought to get you a present, but I hope you enjoy it.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)