DEAR MISS MANNERS: My public, stated reason for leaving my job is that, in addition to an upcoming maternity leave, I will need some time to work on my professional qualifications, including improving my grasp of the local language and dedicating the time and effort necessary to advance.

However, I am also leaving to get away from my boss. His expectations are inconsistent and unclear; he did nothing to improve my working conditions, and his attitude is bad more often than not. Despite this, I expect to receive a good letter of recommendation from him, since I have been a dedicated employee for many years and am sticking to my story about leaving for my own development in all public and professional contexts.

I am working closely with the person hired to replace me. We are sharing an office and will spend almost every workday together until I leave. She has begun picking up on some of the dysfunction in our department and asks pressing questions about it, expressing her frustration with the way things are run.

How diplomatic and/or cautious should I be in addressing her concerns, describing what it has been like working with my boss, etc.? On one hand, I know that it is highly inadvisable and/or rude to bad-mouth one’s boss. On the other hand, we are working together intensively, these are issues she has noticed on her own, and I feel that being too cagey would come off as ridiculous obfuscation.

In addition, there is the real possibility that if she senses I am hiding something but does not know exactly what, she will spin the situation into something even more serious, and perhaps choose not to stay with the company.

Is there a polite way to walk the line between discretion and honesty in this situation?

GENTLE READER: Not, Miss Manners suggests, until the letter of recommendation has been safely written.

Miss Manners is not crass enough to imply that this is the only reason that you should not bad-mouth this gentleman unsolicited, only that it is an added incentive.

Your best course of action would be to continue to allow your colleague to draw her own conclusions. If she finds your boss challenging, you may delicately concur or offer solutions that have previously worked for you. If it gets to the point where she asks you directly whether or not he is truly awful, however, you should demur, telling her to talk directly to him or other current co-workers.

This is not only good form, but highly practical. Those who are staying on have likely found better ways of managing this difficult boss.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mind sometimes has involuntary flatulence. I wonder what is the proper way to deal with this in public.

GENTLE READER: What did you have in mind? “Whoa! That was a good one”? Miss Manners suggests that you ignore it, vehemently resisting the urge to laugh or look disgusted. She will further refrain from pointing out that you probably already knew that.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A classmate of mine bought me $200 shoes. I simply cannot accept such a large gift. I have told him this repeatedly, but he brushes me off. He comes from a wealthier family than mine, but this is such a large gift.

Is it appropriate for me to continue refusing the gift, or should I accept it and offer my profuse thanks?

GENTLE READER: It is the too-profuse thanks that you are, rightly, trying to avoid. Money confers many advantages, but one of them is not forcing gratitude on an unwilling beneficiary. A present of unusual value implies a more-than-usual debt to be repaid and its motives are, therefore, suspect. This is why young ladies used to be indignant when rejecting such gifts.

While Miss Manners recognizes that the classmate may not have ulterior motives, it is time for him to learn that this kind of casualness about his inheritance is not charming. If you cannot muster indignation when you press your rejection, then an insulted (though not insulting) tone will do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whether in person or on the phone, who is ruder: the person doing all the talking, or the person who interrupts to get a word in edgewise?

I am guilty of both, but mostly I let the other person do the talking. It makes for a very one-sided conversation. Not to mention a frustrating one. What should one do?

GENTLE READER: Comparing degrees of rudeness is to be avoided, as that is an invitation to further rudeness of the, “Yeah, but you were ruder” variety.

But if the other person does not stop for breath, how should you get a word in?

There is an art to sliding into tight conversational spaces: breaking in at the first appearance of punctuation, speaking quickly and distinctly, and making your interjection relevant and responsive. As for the infraction of drowning out others, Miss Manners’ reminder is simple: Don’t.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A high school chum of mine recently began baking and selling delicious treats out of her home. Her business is really taking off, and my husband and I often purchase her amazing creations for parties or special occasions. She lives very close by, and though I offer to come pick up my orders, she always delivers.

Should I tip or not? On the one hand, I have been taught always to tip delivery drivers, but on the other, I have also been told that tipping the owner of a business is considered insulting and not necessary.

As she is both owner and delivery driver of her business, I neither want to offend her nor cheat her out of a well-deserved gratuity.

GENTLE READER: Gratuities, a system against which Miss Manners has railed for years, are given to delivery drivers more on the assumption that they are too-often underpaid for their work than for the nature of that work. If the former is true of the owner, then the solution is not more gratuities, but ordering more treats. While many owners these days mistakenly feel that they, too, should be tipped, none should object to increased sales.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I intend to ask two of my childhood friends to be my bridesmaids. However, my mother-in-law has told me that it is “an unforgivable breach of wedding etiquette” not to ask her daughter, my soon-to-be sister-in-law, to be a bridesmaid. She added ominously, “If you don’t, don’t be surprised if (sister-in-law) makes a scene at your wedding. After all, being your bridesmaid is her right.”

I’ve never heard of this rule of etiquette, nor of any other rules governing the choice of wedding attendants. After all, I was never a bridesmaid at my brothers’ weddings, and I didn’t think anything of it.

Maybe I should have? I would hate for a grand snub to go unnoticed. Are there truly such rules? If so, could you please share them with me so I don’t cause offense?

GENTLE READER: Custom does often include the siblings of the bride and bridegroom in the wedding party, but doing so is not mandatory and neglecting to do so is not a snub.

Miss Manners fears this is the least of your worries, however. She would be much more concerned about a mother- or sister-in-law-to-be who wrongly imbues a bullying tactic with the full force of etiquette, and then offers to punish any lapses with truly unforgivable retribution. Is it too late to elope?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My roommates like to host parties, which sometimes involves purchasing large quantities of food and decorations. These parties are not excessively loud or destructive, so I do not object. They typically invite people from their school program and, depending on the occasion, sometimes say I can invite my own friends.

I am at these parties by default because I have nowhere else to be at night, but I am not interested in them. Usually I attempt to socialize, but sometimes retreat to my room for a while.

Should I be contributing to these parties when my friends do not come? I want to be a kind, helpful roommate, but I don’t know whether that involves purchasing supplies, helping to set up, etc. I usually help clean up anyway, because I am the neat freak of our apartment and can’t stand existing in the apartment while it is still messed up.

Can I say “not my party” and not get involved, or is it my party by default because it’s in my apartment?

GENTLE READER: There is a way to avoid host duties in connection with such a party, but it requires you to vote with your feet: Find somewhere else to be on the night in question. If you do attend, you will have to assume at least the basic hostly duties of looking out for guests’ comfort and pointing them to the bathroom. Miss Manners sees no obligation to making more material contributions under the circumstances, but she strongly advises against pretending you have never seen the place before.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)