DEAR MISS MANNERS: A classmate of mine bought me $200 shoes. I simply cannot accept such a large gift. I have told him this repeatedly, but he brushes me off. He comes from a wealthier family than mine, but this is such a large gift.

Is it appropriate for me to continue refusing the gift, or should I accept it and offer my profuse thanks?

GENTLE READER: It is the too-profuse thanks that you are, rightly, trying to avoid. Money confers many advantages, but one of them is not forcing gratitude on an unwilling beneficiary. A present of unusual value implies a more-than-usual debt to be repaid and its motives are, therefore, suspect. This is why young ladies used to be indignant when rejecting such gifts.

While Miss Manners recognizes that the classmate may not have ulterior motives, it is time for him to learn that this kind of casualness about his inheritance is not charming. If you cannot muster indignation when you press your rejection, then an insulted (though not insulting) tone will do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whether in person or on the phone, who is ruder: the person doing all the talking, or the person who interrupts to get a word in edgewise?

I am guilty of both, but mostly I let the other person do the talking. It makes for a very one-sided conversation. Not to mention a frustrating one. What should one do?

GENTLE READER: Comparing degrees of rudeness is to be avoided, as that is an invitation to further rudeness of the, “Yeah, but you were ruder” variety.

But if the other person does not stop for breath, how should you get a word in?

There is an art to sliding into tight conversational spaces: breaking in at the first appearance of punctuation, speaking quickly and distinctly, and making your interjection relevant and responsive. As for the infraction of drowning out others, Miss Manners’ reminder is simple: Don’t.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A high school chum of mine recently began baking and selling delicious treats out of her home. Her business is really taking off, and my husband and I often purchase her amazing creations for parties or special occasions. She lives very close by, and though I offer to come pick up my orders, she always delivers.

Should I tip or not? On the one hand, I have been taught always to tip delivery drivers, but on the other, I have also been told that tipping the owner of a business is considered insulting and not necessary.

As she is both owner and delivery driver of her business, I neither want to offend her nor cheat her out of a well-deserved gratuity.

GENTLE READER: Gratuities, a system against which Miss Manners has railed for years, are given to delivery drivers more on the assumption that they are too-often underpaid for their work than for the nature of that work. If the former is true of the owner, then the solution is not more gratuities, but ordering more treats. While many owners these days mistakenly feel that they, too, should be tipped, none should object to increased sales.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I intend to ask two of my childhood friends to be my bridesmaids. However, my mother-in-law has told me that it is “an unforgivable breach of wedding etiquette” not to ask her daughter, my soon-to-be sister-in-law, to be a bridesmaid. She added ominously, “If you don’t, don’t be surprised if (sister-in-law) makes a scene at your wedding. After all, being your bridesmaid is her right.”

I’ve never heard of this rule of etiquette, nor of any other rules governing the choice of wedding attendants. After all, I was never a bridesmaid at my brothers’ weddings, and I didn’t think anything of it.

Maybe I should have? I would hate for a grand snub to go unnoticed. Are there truly such rules? If so, could you please share them with me so I don’t cause offense?

GENTLE READER: Custom does often include the siblings of the bride and bridegroom in the wedding party, but doing so is not mandatory and neglecting to do so is not a snub.

Miss Manners fears this is the least of your worries, however. She would be much more concerned about a mother- or sister-in-law-to-be who wrongly imbues a bullying tactic with the full force of etiquette, and then offers to punish any lapses with truly unforgivable retribution. Is it too late to elope?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My roommates like to host parties, which sometimes involves purchasing large quantities of food and decorations. These parties are not excessively loud or destructive, so I do not object. They typically invite people from their school program and, depending on the occasion, sometimes say I can invite my own friends.

I am at these parties by default because I have nowhere else to be at night, but I am not interested in them. Usually I attempt to socialize, but sometimes retreat to my room for a while.

Should I be contributing to these parties when my friends do not come? I want to be a kind, helpful roommate, but I don’t know whether that involves purchasing supplies, helping to set up, etc. I usually help clean up anyway, because I am the neat freak of our apartment and can’t stand existing in the apartment while it is still messed up.

Can I say “not my party” and not get involved, or is it my party by default because it’s in my apartment?

GENTLE READER: There is a way to avoid host duties in connection with such a party, but it requires you to vote with your feet: Find somewhere else to be on the night in question. If you do attend, you will have to assume at least the basic hostly duties of looking out for guests’ comfort and pointing them to the bathroom. Miss Manners sees no obligation to making more material contributions under the circumstances, but she strongly advises against pretending you have never seen the place before.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Apparently I am unclear about funereal etiquette and the acceptable behavior around a deathbed.

I was present as my mom passed away. She was 98 and died in her home in bed.

I observed a custom I was unfamiliar with. As a family member walked in, there was a look, a hand motion and a sentence that made clear that their related expenses should be covered by the dying woman or her estate.

I’m sure similar conversations were had while I was not present. This happened before my mom was actually dead; she lay dying in the next room. Other similar conversations followed her passing.

My friends were unhelpful in clarifying the matter. All I got from them was a jaw-dropping, incredulous look, and a “Huh?? ... They did what??? Oh dear Lord, I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

The trust company thought that typical estate procedures would prevent a payout. Apparently, spending a few hundred dollars on attorney fees can get someone a few dollars that were going to come their way anyway.

It has been a month, and I have remained silent, at first because I was speechless, and now under the premise of “least said, soonest mended.”

GENTLE READER: Because it is difficult to convey speechlessness in print, Miss Manners can only echo your friends’ reactions -- except that, unfortunately, she has heard of similar things.

Greed is not a custom; it is a vice. Its only relationship to etiquette is to violate its principles and forms. Your only response to such demands should be to continue to be speechless.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In planning my wedding, my mom said that people do not have open bars at weddings, and that it was foolish to think about having one. Are they obsolete?

GENTLE READER: No, but neither are they obligatory. Miss Manners only insists that whatever your guests are given to drink -- tea? punch? champagne? liquor? -- they not be charged.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If you will, please tell me the correct way to eat cooked shrimp. I have always eaten them while holding onto the tail, then disposing of the tail. Is this OK?

GENTLE READER: There is such a thing as a seafood fork. In the absence of one, Miss Manners agrees that you have no choice but to grab the situation by the tail (which should have been shelled in the kitchen, but rarely is).

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have two nieces and a nephew who are each getting married within a short period of time. The first two had modest local weddings. The third is having a much more glamorous destination wedding.

I want to keep all things equal and not play favorites, but should I give him more in a gift because his wedding is costing him more?

GENTLE READER: If you believe that wedding guests are obliged to reflect the bridal couple’s finances, surely it would be kinder to give more to those who could afford only the more modest wedding.

But Miss Manners allows no such consideration, one way or the other. A wedding present should be something you think will please the couple and that you can afford.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)