DEAR MISS MANNERS: How would you suggest you handle it when people offer you the food they have not finished, left on their plate, other than a “No, thank you, I’m stuffed”?

My husband says I am too picky. I just was not brought up with communal eating habits and do not intend to change. Also, people serve cake and lick icing off their fingers, and continue as though all is fine. I could go on, but you get the idea.

GENTLE READER: Foods that are meant to be shared are placed on serving dishes -- from which individuals can then be served without having to forage among one another’s vegetables. Anything else is so informal that it escapes Miss Manners’ notice. The good news is that such offers can always be declined, preferably without discussion of the fullness of anyone’s stomach or the cleanliness of anyone’s hands.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a new temporary employee whom I manage. He is very friendly and likes to chat -- which is fine, as there can be a lot of downtime in our work, and I enjoy our conversations.

The problem is that he stands too close and it makes me and another employee uncomfortable. We are both females and he is a male. However, we both agree this is not a means of harassment, and he likely does it to male co-workers as well.

He is just one of those people who doesn’t have that sense of personal space that most people have of about 3 feet. His face is approximately 18-20 inches from ours when chatting. I have found that I am dodging him due to the discomfort I feel.

Is there any polite way to address this with him, or should I continue to dodge him?

I know I am not the first person to experience this; I think we all have at one point or another. I believe it has even been the focus of an episode of a sitcom at one time. Can I address this without causing him embarrassment?

GENTLE READER: Were you not his manager, Miss Manners would have more sympathy for your inclination to dodge the issue, both literally and figuratively.

But as you are -- and as you know his behavior is making others besides yourself uncomfortable -- it is your responsibility to act. The best way to do this is to have a frank, sympathetic conversation with him: frank, that is, except for including any mention of your own embarrassment. You should report that (unnamed) “others” have expressed to you their discomfort. You are looking out for his own best interests in telling him, so that he can correct his behavior before someone raises it in a way that becomes a real problem for him.

Before you protest at the dishonesty of putting the discomfort on unnamed others rather than yourself, ask if, in saying that your purpose is to save him embarrassment, you were neglecting to mention a similar savings for yourself.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sibling and his spouse of 20 years are acrimoniously divorcing. The toxicity surrounding the breakup led the families of both parties to stick with their respective family member, and support that person during this very unhappy time. My family is very focused on the children, doing our best to ensure they feel loved, secure and supported.

My soon-to-be-ex in-law’s parents have both recently been diagnosed with terminal illnesses. My sibling has been told in no uncertain terms by his spouse not to reach out in any way to the parents, either to express sorrow or to offer support.

As a result, my sibling has instructed our family to ignore the illnesses and remain in the background. I do understand where this is coming from, but after 20 years marking milestone events in the children’s lives, holidays, etc., I feel like an awful human for not at least sending some sort of card or letter or basket of fruit to these elderly, ill people.

Can Miss Manners please create a directive of proper etiquette between about-to-be-ex families? I can’t believe I’m the only person to face this very awkward and sad situation.

GENTLE READER: One of the things most divorced couples realize too quickly is that they no longer have to do what the other says.

Miss Manners therefore appreciates that your sibling is intending to put harmony first in this case. But even if he avoids his soon-to-be-ex in-laws, the ban does not reasonably apply to you. Contacting your ex-relatives is the compassionate thing to do; just make allowances for the awkward position in which they may then find themselves with their own family member.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am getting married in April. A wedding guest who lives out of town told me that she is planning an engagement party for my bridesmaid, who moved out of state with her fiance, for the day after my wedding.

We are planning a wedding brunch on Sunday, and I will not be able to attend this engagement party for one of my best friends. My engaged friend will have already been engaged for four months by the time my wedding occurs. I initially told the planner that I was OK with this, but then told her that it would be hurtful, and it sounds like she is still proceeding with booking a venue and sending invites to this engagement party during my wedding weekend.

Should I be hurt by this? I also want my friend to be able to celebrate her engagement with her family and friends who live here, but it feels very rude, particularly when many of the invitees will also be at my wedding. I can’t prevent her from planning this event, but am not sure how to handle this. Is this a total faux pas, or something I should try and let go?

GENTLE READER: Sometimes conflicts can be avoided, and sometimes they cannot, but no one owns the calendar -- not even brides.

Miss Manners advises against arguing about the relative importance of the events -- not only because the value of a delayed engagement party versus a day-after wedding brunch is hard to measure, but also because you have already confused the issue by agreeing to the conflicting date for the party.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The conventional response to “How are you?” is “Fine, thank you.” What do you recommend for a response when things are not at all fine?

“Fine, thanks, and I’m calling to tell you that our granddaughter’s funeral will be on Friday” or “I’m fine, thank you. I’m on my way out the door, because my doctor just called and said to come in immediately and to be prepared for very bad news” just don’t work.

Surely there is a standard form for saying that you are not doing well without encouraging prying on their part or whining on mine.

GENTLE READER: “Could be worse”? But perhaps things hardly could be.

As you point out, “How are you?” is a convention, only one step up from the traditional greeting of “How do you do?” (to which the answer is “How do you do?”). Anyone who is anxious about your health will peer into your eyes and say, “Tell me, how are you really?”

So the trick is that if you skip answering, no one will notice. In both examples you give, you could have gone right to the follow-up statement. Miss Manners believes you could also get away with nothing more than a hearty, “And how are you?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I were extremely happily married for more than 45 years. We virtually never fought and only wanted to be together.

My wife suddenly died, without warning, approximately four months ago. We both come from very close families and we have several children of our own.

I have been very lonely since her death. I am getting older and do not want to spend the rest of my life alone. But I also do not want to cause problems with any family members who might think that I was not being loyal to the memory of my late wife.

How long would you say it is appropriate to wait before starting to look for another companion?

GENTLE READER: It would be cruel of those who care about you to want to add to your sadness by condemning you to loneliness, but such is often the case. However, ambiguity is on your side.

“Dating” is such a loose term these days that you needn’t admit to it. What you are proposing to do is to “get out a bit and see some friends, to relieve the grief.” Surely no one could object to that.

And it could include seeing new friends, but Miss Manners does not recommend searching for them on any site frequented by your relatives. If a serious relationship evolves -- and you know enough about what that constitutes to proceed cautiously -- there will be time enough to inform them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On what occasions is it not proper to compliment someone -- on dress, accomplishments, etc.?

GENTLE READER: It is always proper to compliment people on their accomplishments. On dress, only when you know them socially, not professionally. And on “etc.,” Miss Manners suspects you’d better not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)