DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you write a five-star review about an awful experience?
GENTLE READER: Why would you want to? Or are you hoping that the review will be so brilliant that it will be considered five-star, even if the restaurant itself is terrible?
Miss Manners is certain that even in this current world, where everything is liked and rated, the critics themselves are generally not -- at least not until the rowdy and unsavory comment section.
To avoid becoming a victim of that, she advocates fairness. Candor is allowed; meanness is not. "Hygiene does not seem to be a priority at Cafe Bon Chance," for example, is preferable to, "Our waiter doesn't seem to have bathed since the Carter administration."