DEAR MISS MANNERS: Three years ago, I received an alarming and hurtful email from a friend of my mother's, blatantly stating her poor opinion of me. I do not have a good relationship with my mother, through whom this woman clearly gained her unfavorable view of me. I have never addressed the email, and simply avoided this friend of my mother's.

A week ago, I was married, having a small wedding with close family and friends. I did not invite the above-mentioned friend of my mother's, but nonetheless received a congratulatory card with cash, along with an apology letter from her.

I'm a bit put off that she would bother to send me anything, not the least an apology letter for me to receive upon my wedding three years after the insult. Is it good manners to respond to such unwelcome congratulations, and if so, must I address the apology?

I do not have any ill feelings toward her, but I do not have any friendly feelings either. I'm confused as to why she feels the need to ever contact me. I view the whole ordeal as rather bothersome and simply don't wish to be involved with her further.

GENTLE READER: Not wanting to spend more time on the matter is understandable, but if that is truly your goal, then you are going to have to spend a little more time now to avoid spending a great deal of time later.

Allow Miss Manners to demonstrate:

Option 1: Ignore the letter completely. Besides the rudeness of your doing so, your mother's friend, who is trying to check things off her "to do" list -- as well as assuage a guilty conscience -- will now have justification for putting you in the wrong when she reached out. She will complain to your mother, who will feel compelled to defend her friend -- and will have further evidence of your unreasonableness, irresponsibility, inhumanity -- take your pick. You will now have two women tormenting you instead of one.

Option 2: Send the cash back either with or without an angry note. The result will be roughly the same.

You have already considered, and dismissed, option 3 -- which is writing a thank-you note -- presumably on the theory that one letter will lead to more. But that need not be the case. A brief thank-you note assuring her that you had long since forgotten the incident and appreciate her gift and her warm regards is the quickest way out. The tone should be strictly neutral -- not overly friendly but also not unfriendly. This solution has the added benefit that it will flummox your mother. Assuming the cash is modest, you may return it if you wish. Returning gifts is generally an insult, and you don't want to start that again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was taught that one invites directly and without strings: "Would you like to go to the movies Saturday night?"

A friend will start off with, "What are you doing this weekend?" He is waiting for me to declare, which is an indirect way of finding out if I am available first. What is the correct way to issue an invitation?

GENTLE READER: That's what declaring Hair Wash Night is for. Should the particulars turn out to be interesting, you can always declare willingness to postpone the shampoo.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While on vacation at a theme park in Florida, I was shocked to see a mother enter the not-empty men's room shouting for her son. There was no reply.

When I suggested/requested she leave, given it was a men's room which was being used by numerous gentlemen, I was informed that she had every right to be there, and she resumed shouting for someone who was not in the facility.

I have no doubt about what the reaction would be to my entering a women's restroom even if looking for my daughter. Instead, I would politely ask a woman entering/exiting to see if my daughter (using her name) was "OK." In this day and age, I cannot imagine putting a child in any scenario where their location is in question.

Was I correct in my request? Am I wrong in my view about how to handle locating my child?

GENTLE READER: Whether or not someone was singing "It's a Small World (After All)" in your ear while this was occurring, the reminder is relevant. The mother was rude, but it would have been preferable to focus on how to help rather than how to criticize.

You could have asked the child's name and said you would be happy to go look yourself to save her any embarrassment. Miss Manners hopes that this is what would happen if you were found hovering outside a women's room holding a pink backpack, a coloring book, a child's sweater and coat -- and a worried look.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago, I moved four hours away from my immediate family. We have distant cousins that live near me, but I haven't seen these cousins since I was very small, so I'm not close to them. My brother knows them better than I do.

He thought it was a good idea to give these cousins my number without my permission. If he had asked, I wouldn't have said no, but I would have liked to have been asked before he did it. I approached him politely and asked that he let me know before he gave my number out again. He said that family trumps courtesy and that I shouldn't care if he gives my number to anyone as long as it's family.

Is he right? Or is he being disrespectful to me?

GENTLE READER: Your brother's assumption -- that you would make no objection to sharing your number with your cousins -- was reasonable and therefore not disrespectful. Sharing a phone number with a family member is not the same as making it public.

But before your brother says, "I told you so," Miss Manners amends that that does not make him right to have done so. It seems strange that people erupt in anger when companies inadvertently expose private data while they are themselves busy smearing the most intimate details of their lives over every reachable electronic surface. But etiquette sees neither contradiction nor hypocrisy in this: Your right to expose yourself does not grant anyone else the right to do so. Having now learned your preference, your brother should have apologized for his mistake and agreed not to repeat it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper response when someone says thank you for doing something that they should have done themselves? For example, when we divided chores, my spouse agreed to take the trash to the curb once a week for the city collection.

However, he is always running late in the mornings, and if I don't take it out, we would not make it to work on time. Putting it out the night before does not work because of animals getting in the trash (city collects bags instead of emptying trash cans).

So, admitting that there is a whole different question about chore distribution and negotiation, when my spouse says "Thank you," do I really have to say, "You're welcome"? "My pleasure" doesn't feel right either.

GENTLE READER: "Oh, I'm sure you would do the same for me. Which reminds me, I might not get a chance to get to the laundry I was going to do tonight. Do you mind doing it this once? Thank you, that's very dear of you."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do we say when people wish us a nice day? My husband and I lived in Paradise, California. As everyone knows, our town was destroyed. We lost our house, our community. We are not having a nice day.

GENTLE READER: No, nor a good morning or good evening or even a goodbye, if people should wish you that. Now that you have told Miss Manners, she extends sympathy instead, and the hope that you will see better days.

But you will help no one, including yourselves, by taking offense from others who unknowingly direct conventional phrases at you without the least intention of minimizing your tragedy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I recently found out we are having a baby. All of his family lives in another state, and due to work schedules, we will not be able to see them before the baby is born or for a while after.

Is it inappropriate to send a photo announcement to family members and friends in another state after the baby is born? I don't really post on social media, but I don't want his family to feel left out. I also don't want them to feel like we don't want to come visit and so are just "phoning it in."

GENTLE READER: Please tell Miss Manners that you are not asking whether a paper announcement is less acceptable than a social media posting.

But phoning it in is exactly the correct thing to do to the family and intimate friends. It is, in fact, the prescribed activity for a new father while the mother and baby are sleeping it off.

Announcements are for those who are presumed to be interested in the news, but are not on tenterhooks waiting to hear. Electronic ones are acceptable, although less charming than mailed ones, and individually addressed ones nicer than generalized postings.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)