DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father passed away suddenly at the young age of 64. Knowing his preferences, we held a simple wake after his cremation.
My best friend, who has been in my life for nearly 20 years and thus knows my parents well, was unable to attend because it fell on her first wedding anniversary. I readily expressed my understanding when she told me this, though I privately thought that if the situation were reversed, I would have attended regardless.
During the wake, she texted me to thank me for allowing her to hold her wedding at my home the previous year. I found the message egocentric and inappropriate, and given the circumstances of the day, I was hurt that she didn't bother to acknowledge my family or our pain.
When I later expressed this to her, privately and in person, her response was that she shouldn't have to put her life on hold because I suffered a loss and that her intent was to honor me for my contribution to the beginning of her marriage.
What does etiquette dictate about communicating with individuals who are actively grieving? Am I wrong to feel that our loss should have been front and center for someone so close to us who obviously knew about the event?
GENTLE READER: Your best friend was honoring you by trying to distract you during your father's funeral, in order to dwell on her wedding?
Miss Manners sympathizes with you on your two losses, because surely you cannot consider that the act of a friend.