DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the etiquette around a stranger in a public place trying to speak to you when you are obviously in a conversation on your phone? This has happened to me several times lately.

To be clear, it is not an emergency situation they are approaching me about. They are usually either trying to sell something or asking for directions. There is no "excuse me" first; they just start talking.

In one case, a woman yelled a question at me from several yards away. They have no way of knowing how serious or formal the conversation I'm having is.

Is this behavior rude? And what is the proper way to respond? Does it make a difference if it is someone obviously trying to sell you something? Does it make a difference if I am walking and the other person is in a car and pulled over to talk to me?

Am I obligated to stop the person I'm on the phone with, no matter the circumstances or what they are talking about, in order to address the person who approached me, even just to tell them that I am on the phone (which was already obvious)?

GENTLE READER: Given the deluge of complaints Miss Manners receives about people who are on the telephone when they should be helping a customer, paying for their groceries or listening to their doctor, it may be surprising to hear her agree that it is rude to interrupt someone when they are on the telephone. Assuming, of course, that the interrupter is not in one of the aforementioned situations.

The correct response depends upon the distance. For someone immediately at hand, excuse yourself to the person on the telephone and then explain to the interrupter that you are on the phone and would be happy to answer them when your call is completed. How long that moment lasts will depend on whether the interrupter is selling something or asking for directions. If the caller is sufficiently far away that you can plausibly claim to be unaware that the yelling is directed at you, assume it is not -- that the yelling is a normal part of the street noise -- and shelter your exposed ear or walk to a more secluded spot.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a circle of friends who have dinner/heavy apps then play cards together. We take turns hosting -- except one couple who never reciprocates, but enjoys the hospitality of the rest of us. As a result, some hosts have stopped inviting them. What to do?

GENTLE READER: The answer will depend upon your own position in this merry-go-round. If you are the host who no longer invites the misguided couple, you may continue not to do so. You may not counsel the others on their own invitation lists.

Similarly, if you are one of the hosts who still wishes to include the erring couple, you may keep doing so -- so long as you do not criticize those who do not.

If you are the freeloaders, Miss Manners would prefer that you reciprocate. If you choose not to, then you will have to accept without recriminations what invitations you still receive.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our minister's adult daughter died in an accident, and several members of my extended family, who regularly attend services at our church, went to the funeral. I did not because I had to work.

I received a thank-you card, saying how much the flowers I sent meant to the minister's young grandchildren (her deceased daughter's children). I had not sent flowers, but thought that perhaps my parents or siblings had sent them for the group, but they had not.

The next Sunday, I attended church and the minister stopped me and profusely thanked me for the flowers again, stating specifics of ways the children had played with and enjoyed the flowers, even though the family had requested no flowers be sent. She stated that because her grandchildren like my children so much, it made the flowers even more special. 

I feel so guilty about not confessing but don't want to hurt this extremely nice woman's feelings or make her feel foolish, or to disillusion her grandchildren.

Should I say anything? Should I just be quiet and send some flowers for real? Should I do both?

GENTLE READER: Manners problems, left unattended, fester like fruit; they do not mellow like wine. Ignoring the problem made it worse, and the harm is not yet made right: So long as the minister and her family think it was you, you are responsible for their unknowingly committing the rudeness of not thanking the true benefactor.

As you were unable to attend the funeral, the proper course at the time would have been to write a condolence letter. This might have prevented the initial confusion, but even if it did not, it would have made it easier to fix the problem by demonstrating that you did care, even though you did something different than she thought.

When the minister thanked you, you could have said how sorry you are for her loss and say that you hope your letter was of some comfort to the family. This would buy time to run home and check if anyone in your own family added your name when sending the flowers. You could still have posted the condolence letter on the drive home (assuming you had stationery in the glove compartment).

Having failed to take the easy way out, you must post the condolence letter now, and follow it up with an explanatory call to the minister. Ignore the timing and hope the minister does, too.

If this sounds too difficult, Miss Manners asks what you intend to do when the real benefactor asks the minister about the flowers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At my little one's first birthday party, relatives made a statement to my husband about there being no alcohol present. I didn't hear the comment and couldn't tell you the tone in which the statement was made, but does it matter? Is this appropriate?

GENTLE READER: It is rude to comment on what a host has (or has not) provided to guests, be they adults, toddlers or teetotalers. If Miss Manners is instead being asked to be shocked at the suggestion that having alcohol present would in some way harm the young revelers (assuming, as seems self-evident, that no one was suggesting you spike the formula), she declines.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I encounter two distinct types of conversationalists, and they tend to form groups in which everyone seems happy with their own style.

The first group is the one to which I belong. We start conversations, after "Hello," by asking a question of the other person. This question might be, "How are you?", "How is your family?" or "How was that movie you went to see?" 

The person answers, and then asks the first asker a similar (but not identical) question. Sometimes, someone mentions an experience or piece of news without being asked, but more than half of new topics are introduced by someone asking another person a question.

The second group consists of people who rarely ask questions, but simply launch into a topic of their own interest. For example, if they recently saw a movie or read a comic book that they liked (or disliked), they start talking about it. They ask few, if any, questions, and only about subtopics within the speaker's chosen topic, e.g., "Did you know that the actor in the movie I saw trained as a martial artist in Korea for five years?"

Eventually, another speaker takes a turn, with a monologue of his choice. Everyone seems happy. No one thinks anyone should have asked a question or that anyone monopolized the conversation.

I find myself very bored when I am speaking with the second type of conversationalist. My instinct is to just listen, occasionally asking a follow-up question, until they ask me something. It would feel very strange for me to suddenly launch into some topic of my own. It would feel like a non sequitur, and because I have just been bored by someone else's monologue, becoming the person who bores others does not appeal to me. I would rather be bored (temporarily) than be known as boring. 

Is this a matter of personal preference, or does etiquette favor one type of conversation over the other?

GENTLE READER: These are not two types of conversation. Both you and your more tedious acquaintances seem to misunderstand the term. Conversation is an exchange involving two or more participants, after they have fished around for a topic of mutual interest.

Direct interrogation is not absolutely necessary, and some of the usual approaches -- "What do you do?" and "Where are you from originally?" -- are annoying to people who do not want to discuss their jobs or family backgrounds.

It is not wrong to start off with a statement such as you describe, provided there are pauses for others to reply, "Really? I heard it was terrible," or "Something like that happened to me once."

So your real question is how to get away from bores. No one has really solved that, but Miss Manners suggests: "I think I hear my mother calling me," if that is plausible, or "I'm going to get another drink. Can I get you anything?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: With strolling hors d'oeuvres, is it proper to have sit-down tables?

GENTLE READER: It is considerate. They get tired of strolling.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)