DEAR MISS MANNERS: I encounter two distinct types of conversationalists, and they tend to form groups in which everyone seems happy with their own style.

The first group is the one to which I belong. We start conversations, after "Hello," by asking a question of the other person. This question might be, "How are you?", "How is your family?" or "How was that movie you went to see?" 

The person answers, and then asks the first asker a similar (but not identical) question. Sometimes, someone mentions an experience or piece of news without being asked, but more than half of new topics are introduced by someone asking another person a question.

The second group consists of people who rarely ask questions, but simply launch into a topic of their own interest. For example, if they recently saw a movie or read a comic book that they liked (or disliked), they start talking about it. They ask few, if any, questions, and only about subtopics within the speaker's chosen topic, e.g., "Did you know that the actor in the movie I saw trained as a martial artist in Korea for five years?"

Eventually, another speaker takes a turn, with a monologue of his choice. Everyone seems happy. No one thinks anyone should have asked a question or that anyone monopolized the conversation.

I find myself very bored when I am speaking with the second type of conversationalist. My instinct is to just listen, occasionally asking a follow-up question, until they ask me something. It would feel very strange for me to suddenly launch into some topic of my own. It would feel like a non sequitur, and because I have just been bored by someone else's monologue, becoming the person who bores others does not appeal to me. I would rather be bored (temporarily) than be known as boring. 

Is this a matter of personal preference, or does etiquette favor one type of conversation over the other?

GENTLE READER: These are not two types of conversation. Both you and your more tedious acquaintances seem to misunderstand the term. Conversation is an exchange involving two or more participants, after they have fished around for a topic of mutual interest.

Direct interrogation is not absolutely necessary, and some of the usual approaches -- "What do you do?" and "Where are you from originally?" -- are annoying to people who do not want to discuss their jobs or family backgrounds.

It is not wrong to start off with a statement such as you describe, provided there are pauses for others to reply, "Really? I heard it was terrible," or "Something like that happened to me once."

So your real question is how to get away from bores. No one has really solved that, but Miss Manners suggests: "I think I hear my mother calling me," if that is plausible, or "I'm going to get another drink. Can I get you anything?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: With strolling hors d'oeuvres, is it proper to have sit-down tables?

GENTLE READER: It is considerate. They get tired of strolling.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was invited to a dear friend's 2-year-old daughter's birthday last year, I sent a text inquiring about her daughter's interests. Based on her response and my internet research, I selected a gift for her daughter.

A week and a half before the party, all the guests received an email stating that in lieu of gifts, they would like guests to bring diapers to donate to a local charity. When I arrived at the party I told them I had brought a gift for their daughter and asked where to put it. I was scolded by the hosts and by one of the cousins for bringing a gift.

While they have good hearts and are kind people, they made me feel as if I were rude, and I felt humiliated. I wanted to show everyone our text exchange to prove that I did not ignore their request and that I bought the present prior to their email. Instead I just apologized (for buying their daughter a gift!!!!).

Yesterday I received an invitation to her daughter's third birthday with no mention of a charity, and I am wary when it comes to buying another gift. Should I just wait to see if they send out another email? Should I ask them? And what should I have said last year instead of apologizing?

GENTLE READER: This sort of thing gives good works a bad name.

Do these people imagine that because they care about people in general they are entitled to be rude to people they actually know?

No, they are not kind people. They embarrassed you, a guest, for the crime of bringing their daughter a present.

As you are apparently willing to attend another such event, Miss Manners suggests you ask your dear friend what rules she is setting. Just do not ask her for etiquette advice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who insists that she has a year to send a wedding gift. I believe that with internet ordering, wedding registries that have free shipping, and the abundance of inexpensive, speedy delivery options available, this is an outdated concept. She is not sending her gift via Pony Express.

My contention is that these very delayed gifts lead to hurt feelings on the part of the recipient.

GENTLE READER: Outdated? Considering how short many marriages now are, Miss Manners would have thought this an especially timely and prudent rule. It has not been rescinded.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I found out I will be receiving an inheritance from a boss whom I worked for for over eight years. I believe it is proper to send a thank-you note to his children after receipt, but I'm not quite sure what to say or how to say it. Any help would be GREATLY appreciated.

GENTLE READER: Evidently your former boss greatly appreciated you, and what you owe his survivors is a full appreciation of him, rather than of the legacy. It should be a condolence letter rather than one of thanks, as you cannot thank the person who gave it to you. His generosity should of course be mentioned, but Miss Manners cautions you not to write as if it were that alone that prompted your letter.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a sporting event that was part of an acquaintance's birthday celebration, I met her husband for the first time. Later, while I was surveying with dismay the long lines for food, I noticed that he was halfway through one of the lines. I was ecstatic at my good fortune!

I asked if he would purchase food for me and gave him a $20 bill. He returned and presented me with a plain hot dog (bun and hot dog only), which I estimate would have left a reasonable amount of change even at ball park prices. He made no mention of the change, which I thought was a bit odd. I didn't press the matter, but was left with an uneasy feeling.

Was I out of line to request the favor of such a new acquaintance? I did not specify whether I expected change or offer to buy him an item as part of the transaction. Was it rude of me to request the favor without offering him the option to use the change toward his own purchase? Was it my responsibility to inquire about the change when he returned and presented me with my very plain hot dog?

GENTLE READER: Even an old acquaintance would have trouble juggling an additional order of food, let alone stopping to slather ketchup, mustard and relish on it.

You could have offered to pay for the rest, if for no other reason than that figuring out change from different sources was likely to stall an already harried exchange --and irritate the people behind him. It is also possible that he intended to give you change, but forgot.

Miss Manners suggests that you let it go, next time saying, "I hope that it did not cause you problems -- and please don't bother about the change." Thereby you get credit for the outcome, while also giving him a chance to remedy the situation if he so chooses.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I purchased our dream home after many years of hard work and sacrifices. Our 15-year-old new home is contemporary and modern in style, set on a scenic hill with a small lake across the way.

Many guests are happy and intrigued by its openness, exquisite style and location. But when family members visit and tour, we often hear: "This is not what I expected at all." What would you suggest as an appropriate response to this somewhat awkward statement?

GENTLE READER: "Thank you, we're so glad you like it."

Miss Manners notices that people who are incorrectly credited with being gracious never deny it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine wants me to wait until the last minute on a Saturday morning (I work full time, 9 to 5, Monday through Friday) to see if she wants to do something with me or not. I think this is very rude.

I would never even think of asking a person to hold an entire Saturday until I decided what to do at the last minute! How can I help this person see that her demand is unreasonable?

GENTLE READER: "If you are not able to commit to plans, perhaps we can schedule a time when you know you will be free. What does next summer look like?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)