DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son and his fiancee decided they wanted a no-frills wedding at the beach: just him, his bride and, lucky for us, as parents we were at least invited. I was disappointed, as I would have liked to have had a wedding for our family and friends, but it's ultimately about what they want for themselves.

Our relatives who live out of state were slighted that there wasn't a wedding as well. While many acquaintances and not-close family members posted congratulations on social media, none of the immediate aunts and uncles acknowledged their wedding with a phone call or even a card. I'm upset with my sisters and brothers and in-laws that such an important day in the life of someone they claim to love so much went by without even a phone call within the month following.

When did social media become the accepted way for people who are family or close to you to send their wishes? While they were disappointed to not be given the chance to attend his wedding (it was planned in two weeks), my son is even more disappointed by their lack of interest.

GENTLE READER: As entertaining as this game of "Who was more slighted?" may be -- particularly when played out with an audience on social media -- there appear to be no winners. Miss Manners further questions how these family members might have even known about the wedding, had it not presumably been posted on social media in the first place.

If that is the case, they were simply responding in kind. If cards and calls were the goal, however, then you and/or your son should have sent out formal announcements or made personal phone calls with the news. If that was what was done and the aforementioned postings were the response from your relatives, then forgive Miss Manners. Your son does, indeed, win the award for most justified grievance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My colleague, Devon, loves to tell ribald jokes around the office. He often has us in stitches.

One thing I cannot stand, however, is when Devon makes me the butt of gay jokes in mixed company, essentially outing me. While I make no effort to hide my sexuality, I do believe I reserve the right as to how and to whom I disclose my orientation.

Although I have talked with him before about my feelings, his barbs continue apace. Short of reporting him to management, how might I find a lasting solution to this problem?

GENTLE READER: You could go just short of reporting him to management. That is, you can say, "I am sure that you mean it in jest, but management has started to crack down on jokes about sexuality and other protected classes. They might view this as harassment, and I would not want you to get fired."

For all our sakes, Miss Manners hopes that your erstwhile friend does not then seek a new audience by taking his humor public.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am Catholic and was told by the priest that I would need an annulment from my ex to be married in the church. Well, the annulment will not happen.

My fiancee found out that if I get married outside of the church, I can no longer receive communion, and she does not want me to lose that. So we decided not to get married and keep things the way they are. We are planning a future together after retirement. Can I still call her my fiancee, even though we will never get married, but we are engaged?

GENTLE READER: Indeed, she is your fiancee. And as long as this permanent engagement does not demand multiple presents or parties, Miss Manners assures you that you may call her whatever you wish.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every two weeks, my team at work has a scheduled planning meeting that is a few hours long. As a result, everyone voluntarily brings in food to the meeting to share with co-workers. The problem is that there is one gentleman who never contributes, but is the first to eat.

I'm of the opinion that if you don't contribute, you shouldn't eat. However, not everyone is in agreement with this or how to approach it moving forward. Should he eat or not?

GENTLE READER: Is he hungry? It seems to Miss Manners that the word "voluntary" is what is being violated here. If that is not truly the case -- or deep resentment will be the result of the task not being fulfilled -- then make the routine a more reliable and equitable one. Particularly since this is a work function, sign-up lists and charts would not be remiss.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For an upcoming fishing trip, my husband and I reserved a condo that accommodates four adults. We invited a guest who politely declined because of his work schedule. We invited another guest who accepted.

Then the friend we invited first sent me a text saying that he has now been able to adjust his work schedule and he's eager to go along. I can make that work -- our two guests can have the beds and my husband and I can easily sleep on an air bed. I told both guests what the situation is, and no one has a problem with it.

Today, our friend sent another text saying that his girlfriend would like to come along also. That's GREAT, and we'd enjoy having her; however, I tried to update our reservation to include five, and I'm not able to do that. There are no other available accommodations for that time frame.

I think my choices are to decline the request for our friend's girlfriend to come along or for me to stay home this time and the four of them can use the reservation as it stands. What is my correct action in this situation?

GENTLE READER: Having done everything in your power to accommodate last-minute requests of every sort, you do not need to stay home from an excursion that you yourself arranged. Miss Manners assures you that you have done quite enough.

If your friend declines the invitation a second time because his girlfriend cannot be accommodated, allow it, saying that you hope to make future plans for another trip that has room for everyone. At which point, you may encourage him to make the lodging arrangements for it himself.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend bartends weddings at a members-only club. She went on a rant to me one evening because the bride and groom would not allow her to put out a tip jar. As a wedding guest, I would not expect to tip. What is the correct etiquette?

GENTLE READER: The correct etiquette most certainly does not involve tip jars or rants.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I invited a friend and her spouse to an event my spouse and I were attending. They declined, giving a perfectly understandable reason. Days later, I was invited to an event by another friend, who claimed that they were co-hosting with the first friend, for the same day as my event.

I am left wondering if the first friend made up an excuse (a lie) as to why they didn't want to come to my event. I am friends with both couples. If they wanted my spouse and me to attend, they could have scheduled their party on a different day. My event is time-sensitive but theirs is not.

GENTLE READER: It seems likely you were lied to, although what about is less clear. If she planned her party after declining your invitation, then she needs to do a better job coordinating the invitation list with your mutual friend. If she already knew she was throwing a conflicting party when you called, then perhaps she was concerned that you would argue that your event should take precedence.

In either case, she needs to learn how to decline without telling an untruth. Miss Manners has no objection to your providing an opportunity for her to apologize by asking what happened, so long as you accept whatever answer you are given with good grace.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I married in our 60s, following the loss of our first spouses after their long illnesses. His first wife came from a huge, loving Irish family that welcomed me with open arms.

My first husband came from a small family of childless members and only children, so I have only a few former in-laws left. What puzzles me is this: Are these people our "former" in-laws, even though our feelings for them are warm? What is our relationship? My husband's thinking is that our relationship is the same; our previous marriages were never dissolved and we are all still in-laws in heart. I want to agree, but am not sure.

GENTLE READER: Your husband's answer is in two parts: one legal, the other moral. Not being a lawyer, Miss Manners reserves comment on the former, except to say that "'til death do us part" -- not to mention your remarriage -- suggests that the first marriages were, indeed, dissolved, albeit involuntary.

She is nevertheless sympathetic to the second argument. Not all familial relationships are a question of birth: Your husband is now your family because of the choice you and he made in getting married. Drawing a parallel, Miss Manners has no objection to your retaining your former in-laws if you and they both agree. You will still have to describe them to third parties as "former," or "my first husband's parents," to avoid confusion, but they need not take a back seat in your feelings for them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)