DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m struggling with how to respond to my co-workers this holiday season when they complain about how busy they are. While I appreciate that some people really do get overwhelmed for reasons beyond their control, far too often it’s passive-aggressive bragging about all the family and friends they have.

Meanwhile, some of us have no family besides a parent in a nursing home who’s losing touch with reality. And I know some people have less than that. It can be a very lonely time for some. But it’s not really in the holiday spirit to get snarky because I’m feeling sorry for myself!

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, many of those busy people are not as joyous as you assume. From what they tell Miss Manners, they are over-burdened with the unrealistic expectations of others -- and often of themselves. And after the holidays, many will be bitterly reporting the misbehavior of that jolly circle of family and friends.

Miss Manners does not mention this to comfort you. Indeed, if you keep comparing your life to others’, you will always be dissatisfied, no matter what your circumstances. The proper way to respond to your busy co-workers is cheerfully to wish them well. And try to mean it. If you begrudge the happiness of others, you will violate not only the holiday spirit, but your own spirit of humanity.

Meanwhile, the classic antidotes for holiday blues are either to take the time that you are not spending on the chores of which others complain to indulge yourself, or to distract yourself by helping the less fortunate. For restoring a sense of self-satisfaction, Miss Manners recommends the latter (with perhaps a touch of the former).

P.S. Yes, Miss Manners knows that any other columnist would diagnose depression and tell you to seek treatment. Aside from the fact that she doesn’t practice medicine, (and wouldn’t diagnose from afar if she did), she believes that emotional reactions to the vicissitudes of life are not always some form of illness, and can commonly be dealt with.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My uncle is getting married on New Year’s Eve. This is his fourth wedding, and his fiancee’s fourth wedding as well. I am divorced and this is my year to celebrate New Year’s with my kids.

The wedding is adults-only, so I cannot bring them. I declined the invitation, saying I’m sorry I cannot make it but I wish them well. My mother feels that I should attend the wedding, but I would rather celebrate the new year with my kids. Am I wrong for declining the invitation to my uncle’s wedding?

GENTLE READER: We all hope that your uncle and his bride have found happiness at last. But while the hopes of the couple themselves may rise with each such occasion, those of well-wishers tend to decline. Seeing a fresh couple pledge their lives, and even seeing a somewhat wounded couple having recovered enough to try again, is presumably rewarding. Sitting there thinking, “Well, this one better take,” is less so.

So while Miss Manners supports you, she leaves you to convince your mother that while the wedding is a family occasion, so is New Year’s Eve with your children.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s siblings agreed that my husband could have their father’s home -- since he is the one who stayed in town to take care of his elderly parents -- as long as they could stay at the house when they come to see their father, who is in a nursing home.

We usually take a vacation during their visits, as we can’t get away otherwise; we don’t want to leave him without regular visitors at the nursing home. Before the in-laws arrive, I clean my entire house and stock the refrigerator with homemade casseroles, snacks and drinks, and prepare dinners for when we are home with them.

When we returned from our last trip, you’d have thought someone had ransacked our home. They left crumbs, cups and dishes all over the house and spilled things all over the kitchen counters, stove and floors. One of them left her used adult diapers in a plastic bag on the bathroom floor. They even unplugged our freezer and didn’t plug it back in properly, and we had to throw away hundreds of dollars in food.

I spent four days after work trying to get things back in shape. I was an emotional wreck, and hurt that they were so disrespectful to me. My husband said this is how they live, and because they let us have the house, we have to put up with it. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That it would be less expensive to buy a new house.

Miss Manners is reluctant to say it, but if moving is not an option, you may have to hold out until the house is officially bequeathed to you, if and when that happens. At that point, it will be your decision whether you want to invite them to stay with you or not.

In the meantime, you may say, “I know that we all have sentimental attachment to this home, so I think that it’s in all of our best interests to keep it in the best shape possible.” One can only hope that the prospect of being its future owners will motivate them to treat it more kindly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I ran into a friend from high school who I had not seen in many years. His wife had recently died (tragically, by suicide).

Normally, I would have approached the friend and said, “Hey, Mark. Good to see you again. How have you been?” That would not have been appropriate in this situation. What would have been the best way to greet him and then express my condolences?

GENTLE READER: “How have you been?” would have been fine, if said in a sympathetic tone. Then you could have said how sorry you were.

But condolence letters express the sentiments that may be more difficult to do in person, and you can still send him one. Then when you see him next, you may inquire about his health in the normal fashion.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have noticed that after having a tweet go viral, many users leave their cash transaction app addresses below the tweet as a sort of virtual tip jar. I usually leave a tip if I find it funny, as I would at a restaurant with good service.

A friend recently told me he does not tip, no matter how much he enjoys the tweet. I feel like this is rude and devalues comedic expression. He believes that a tweet, regardless of content, probably doesn’t deserve his money. Who is in the right here?

GENTLE READER: Well, it seems that “free speech” is, in fact, dead. What an amusing new twist on that notion.

Miss Manners understands that social media is often used as a platform to try out comedic material. If and when that material is transferred to the stage or page, its authors should be duly compensated. In the meantime, they need not be paid for the rough draft.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The nephew of one of our family friends came to visit from another part of the country. We are both 15 years old and white. I was surprised that the N-word was a normal part of his vocabulary, but I’ve made no move to stop him from using it, because he didn’t seem to have malicious intent.

It’s his first time away from home, and since he’s our guest, it would be rude to correct him. Were he an adult, I would have no issue telling him how offensive and unacceptable the term is. I feel torn between trying to spare his feelings and trying to spare others’ feelings in the future. I found myself wondering, “What would Miss Manners do?”

GENTLE READER: While it is generous of you to presume the best of your acquaintance, it is impossible to separate the word he is using from its malicious intent. It is inherently meant to offend.

Rather than your age being a hindrance, Miss Manners finds it uniquely suited as a means of peer pressure: “I was taught never to use that word, and I think you will find it’s considered horribly offensive here. Other kids are likely to feel the same, and I would not want you to feel ostracized.” You will thereby be showing him the most infinitesimal glimpse of the feeling he has clearly heretofore been imparting on others.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When someone asks for a recipe that I do not want to share, what should I say? The requested recipe is one I have been cooking for 50 years. Living in a small town, I’m afraid that “my” recipe will make the rounds and no longer be associated with me. After a person compliments a hostess for a particular dish, why can’t that person wait for the hostess to offer to share the recipe?

GENTLE READER: “Well, if I share it with you, then I will no longer have the pleasure of luring you back for more.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)