DEAR MISS MANNERS: The wife of my husband’s best friend turned on me when I became friends with her stepdaughter. We tried to include her in everything we did, only to be turned down. She now addresses Christmas cards to my husband only. Would it be in bad form to “return to sender”?

GENTLE READER: Because it is the season to be snippy?

Surely the more dignified response is to ignore it. And as your husband may want to continue his friendship with his best friend, Miss Manners sees the added advantage here of its not provoking an all-out family feud.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Holiday cards are my way of keeping in touch with a number of people: great-aunts and second cousins who I do not generally communicate with in any other way.

This year, my husband and I separated. Is this something that can or should be communicated in a holiday card?

What about all of my husband’s extended family? Simply dropping them from the list doesn’t seem right, but neither does sending them a card from just myself. I rather doubt that my husband will have informed them.

GENTLE READER: You would probably not be pleased to get return cards saying, “Too bad your marriage broke up, but Merry Christmas anyway.” And that is because, as you suspect, holiday wishes should not be the occasion for dropping serious news.

But Miss Manners does not want to discourage you from keeping in touch with your husband’s family, if that is your wish. By simply signing your name, you will prompt anyone who is interested to wonder why -- and they can then ask your husband, or you, outside of the context of the holiday.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother-in-law, who has been engaged for 10 months, is now getting married. My husband, the groom’s brother, and I got married less than two years ago, before my brother-in-law met my future sister-in-law.

When they got engaged, she immediately chose wedding colors and bridesmaid dresses. To my shock, she picked the same three colors as my wedding colors, and the bridesmaid dresses are the same color as well.

I would normally let this go, as some girls dream of weddings and colors years prior to getting engaged. But she was aware of our colors, and has on multiple occasions been rude and nasty. She and her mother have harangued members of the family in the name of following a printed list of “wedding etiquette” guidelines.

So did she commit the original wedding etiquette faux pas by choosing the same wedding colors (and first dance song) as our recent family nuptials? How do I let this go when she has been so nasty to others over wedding etiquette?

GENTLE READER: During whatever rude and nasty conflicts you may engage in with your future sister-in-law and her mother, please omit such patently false claims about etiquette.

Of course it does not issue trademarks on wedding colors. Miss Manners could even imagine that repeating them would benefit anyone in both wedding parties, who would not then have to invest in another costume.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A December tradition in my husband’s family was to make and consume oyster stew with canned, squiggly, yucky, nasty-tasting oysters. I thought we were past that, and I would not have to endure this for the next 40 years.

Now he has brought home canned oysters and clam chowder, which he will be serving on the 24th. He is so happy, and assumes I am, as well. Do I have to? What can I do? What should I say? Help!

GENTLE READER: Is it possible that you don’t like oysters? Miss Manners has that impression, but can hardly believe it. But if that is true, you are fortunate to be living now, and not a century ago, when oysters were standard fare for the rich and poor alike.

How nice that your husband is happy. As you do not indicate that he forces you to eat this, Miss Manners’ only suggestion is that the family move their custom to a month when oysters are in season so they can have fresh, squiggly, delicious-tasting ones.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to eat the little celery sprig in a bloody mary?

GENTLE READER: Sure. You’re not going to get any other healthful fiber from that glass.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every December, our family hosts a caroling party. We gather at our home and then roam our neighborhood, attempting to serenade our neighbors.

My husband and I always have a heated discussion about the propriety of ringing doorbells to encourage people to come out and listen. He thinks it’s rude, self-serving and intrusive to knock on doors.

I fear he might be right, but when we’ve tried not ringing doorbells, we find that people don’t realize we’re out there, as they don’t hear us through insulated windows and over the volume of the TV. (At least I think they don’t hear us ... Maybe they just don’t want to come out!)

I know that carolers of centuries past were essentially begging for booze and figgy pudding. I like to think we’re different -- just corny people who want a bit of an audience. Maybe you can tell us if I’m deluding myself. We’re planning to hit the streets soon.

GENTLE READER: Do you have time to slip a note under the targeted doors, announcing your plans in advance? Even if not, Miss Manners does not find your ringing doorbells objectionable. You are not selling anything, but offering a charming treat.

Still, advance notice would allow grateful listeners to prepare some mulled wine or hot chocolate -- and to look up the recipe for figgy pudding.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Trays such as Invisalign have become quite popular with older adults to correct teeth alignment. How best to remove them after entering a restaurant or preparing to dine at home? And how to replace them politely when a meal is completed?

GENTLE READER: Either the tray-wearer should head to the bathroom, or everyone else within sight will do so. Need Miss Manners point out that seeing a diner reach in and remove a tooth tray is unappetizing?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I share a name with a high-profile politician, and recently attended a cocktail party for my husband’s office. As I was being introduced to the wife of one of his colleagues, upon hearing my name, she wrinkled her nose and said, “Ugh! Oh nooooo, I haaaate that name. All I can think of when I hear that name is (politician).”

I stared in shock for a beat, then said, “Well, I guess we can’t be friends. Darn.” Then turned and walked away.

Other co-workers think this will eventually come back to bite my husband. He doesn’t care a whit. What should I have said?

GENTLE READER: What you said was not the issue. It was rather how you likely said it, and the abrupt turn afterwards, that may have future repercussions.

How lucky that you have a husband who found it charming. Miss Manners hopes that his loyalty -- or disinterest, as the case may be -- continues for any future career endeavors. She recommends, however, that neither of you consider politics.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son and his future wife have decided to have their wedding and reception with “no children,” other than his and her nieces and nephews. We are a very large family, so this is tough, although we are coming to accept it.

Now, for the shower I am planning for them, they have said they want “women only.” Well, this cuts out all men and single male cousins. And some of the older women won’t be able to come, as their husbands are their drivers. Some of the new moms aren’t sure about attending, as who will watch the kids?

How much say does the bride-to-be have in the upcoming shower? It feels like my family is slowly being excluded. Or should I shut up and be happy that at least I’m invited to the wedding?

GENTLE READER: This bride would certainly have you think so. That she wants to exclude children is problematic, as the guests will see all those nieces and nephews and not necessarily check their bloodlines.

That she wants sole dictatorship over who comes to a shower that you are hosting (or, more likely, have been instructed to host) without practical consideration for her guests is equally officious. While not a tradition with which Miss Manners agrees, she supposes that the bride is presuming that “women only” is traditional for showers. But then, traditionally, showers are never given by family members -- or ones to be.

You might politely point out the many inconveniences these exclusions pose for her guests. Or, if that has no effect, perhaps the notion of receiving fewer presents will.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In planning for my mother’s 80th birthday celebration, I thought it would be nice for her husband, each of her children, her siblings and her best friend (of 75 years!) to wear corsages/boutonnieres.

Mother’s, of course, would be a little more grand than the others. Would this all be appropriate?

GENTLE READER: Only if your mother approves. While a well-meant gesture, pinning the key players with identifying foliage is redundant at best. Presumably, most of your guests -- and with any luck, your mother -- will know who they are. But if you and she would like it, Miss Manners will not stand in the way of anyone and her greenery.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)