DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s family lives on the east coast, and we live in the Midwest. I have spent the last few years working to overcome a phobia of flying, both to make it easier to see my in-laws and because it matters to me that we have the option to travel wherever we may wish. I’ve never avoided taking a flight, but it has been a challenging experience at times.

My mother-in-law is generally a wonderful person, but can fixate on certain topics. She hates to travel, and frequently shares stories about how travel was difficult or uncomfortable for her in the past, or shares worries about all of the things that could go wrong while traveling in the future.

This is not helpful to me as I work on overcoming my phobia, to say the least. I hesitate to tell her about my fear, because I have a suspicion that the phobia itself would become her next topic of fixation. Her worries also stress out my husband, but do not have such a long-lasting effect on him as they do on me.

Are there polite ways to ask her to stop sharing these stories and worries? How blunt should I be, with the goal of both avoiding extra worry and maintaining familial harmony?

GENTLE READER: Much like the harrowing tales of childbirth experiences relayed to expectant mothers, these stories should not be shared with anyone vulnerable.

However, as your mother-in-law does not seem able to resist, perhaps you could get her to stop by showing her the consequences of her fear-mongering. Miss Manners recommends something along the lines of, “Oh dear, you’re scaring me -- and I certainly don’t want to be frightened out of flying to visit you. We are so thankful that it has not yet prevented you from coming to see us.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who moved away years ago. Every year, she asks to return and stay with my family and me, at our chosen date, with her two very badly mannered children.

She has lots of old friends in town that she wants to see, and invites them for dinner at my house, generally treating my home as her hotel. And the kids are loud, draw on tables with permanent marker, and overall are bad houseguests.

Because I work from home, this is disruptive, and it’s a week my husband and I dread. Since she asks me to choose the date, it is difficult for us to get out of or decline the visit. Any suggestions for how to handle an unwelcome, self-invited guest?

GENTLE READER: Renovate your home. And acquire slow contractors.

If that proves impractical, Miss Manners suggests you simply say, “I am afraid this year is an especially busy one and we are unable to have you here. However, if you are in the area and staying with one of our other friends, we would love to get together for dinner or coffee. We’ll bring the markers.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When conversing with someone who is many time zones away, what is the proper greeting? For example, if it is my morning and their afternoon, should I say “good morning” or “good afternoon”?

The prevailing advice seems to be that you should just use “hello.” But if the other party greets you first with “good (time of day),” replying with “hello” seems inappropriate because it is not parallel to the greeting you received. A British colleague suggested “good day,” but that phrase is so uncommonly used in American English that it seems too stiff.

GENTLE READER: Although it is a formality, the literal meaning of the greeting is to wish someone good fortune for a specific period of time. Telling a British friend, over the phone, to have a good day is therefore unlikely to be effective, as his or her day is likely already coming to a close. “Good evening” would be more appropriate in that case.

Miss Manners notes that in addition to the logic in offering wishes for a good evening, it provides an opportunity for you to recognize that you are aware you have interrupted dinner -- something you would not have done if the subject of the call were not so urgent.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are fortunate to have a close-knit group of about seven families ready to help each other in times of crisis. As is common in any such group, our family feels closer to some families than to others.

Family A, we are very close to. We feel comfortable sharing personal information and seeking advice from each other.

Family B, we are not as close to. Our relationship is cordial and formal, but can’t be described as deep.

Wife of Family A doesn’t like to discuss her health much. When she had surgery, only our group of seven families was told about it. Later, I came to know that Family B is discussing A’s health condition with others. When a family outside of our group called us about A’s health, we pretended ignorance and changed the topic.

Initially, we ignored this single instance of news-leak, but we have come to know that Family B is spreading the news to many others. We understand that their intentions are good, but they need to use a little more discretion.

Should we just ignore this, or should we take some action to prevent future leaks, thereby respecting Family A’s preference for privacy? For example, should we advise our close friends (Family A) to gently remind Family B not to not discuss A’s health with others? Or should we call Family B directly and advise them to use more discretion?

GENTLE READER: You are asking how to correct another person’s manners -- which would be impolite -- without being impolite. As your motivation is the laudable one of sparing Family A’s feelings, Miss Manners will assist you.

Say nothing to Family A. Doing so would be to gossip about -- and criticize -- the behavior of Family B, to hurt Family A (who were presumably unaware of what was occurring), and would not resolve the problem.

Strike up a conversation with Family B and weave in a story or two demonstrating Family A’s reticence to discuss health matters openly. This is known as dropping a hint.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I went to a bar with my husband to enjoy a cocktail and play some billiards. When we started to play pool, a toddler came over to our table and began playing with the cues, balls, quarters, etc.

We kept politely asking him to quit. After about 10 minutes of this, his father finally came over from across the bar, placed the toddler on a barstool and told him to stay there and watch us play pool.

The father went back to his table and sat down with his back to us. The child got off the barstool and began playing with things again at our table. I went over to the toddler’s father and mother and told them I was concerned for the child’s safety. However, by this point I was very upset and red-faced because I was so angry, and it came across as rude. The parents gave me a dirty look, took the child and didn’t say anything or bother to apologize.

I was astonished that parents would think it’s OK for a toddler to be in a bar, first of all, and second, to be unattended. Do you think I was rude to say something?

GENTLE READER: No, and citing safety is the right way to disguise your annoyance at the nuisance. But it must be said in a tone of concern, and you admit to doing it rudely.

Without commenting on a child’s presence in a bar, Miss Manners acknowledges that there are social settings in which a well-behaved child may have a degree of freedom to roam -- for example, an outdoor event where families are picnicking.

In such cases, it is the child’s responsibility not to torture the flora, the fauna or the other customers; it is the parents’ responsibility to ensure that the child lives up to these requirements. The latter requires constant line-of-sight contact, or very nearly so. In a less child-friendly setting -- the bar -- the acceptable distance from parental authority contracts, as does the range of acceptable child behavior.

People in your own position are free to return children who have clearly crossed these lines, if they can manage to do so without sounding like monsters who hate children.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece is getting married next week. Several of the people invited responded to her invitation with a guest: “Mrs. Blank and guest.”

The bride found out that some people were not bringing the guest they’d planned, so she deleted the guest and said “you can’t bring anyone.” The bride wants to dictate who people bring.

GENTLE READER: The struggle between inattentive hosts, inconsiderate guests and indescribable brides continues.

Miss Manners must disagree with your implication that only an unreasonable host would exercise any control over her guest list. But she agrees that there are limits. Invitations are properly issued to specific people: not to an unnamed date, houseguest or therapist. It is for this reason that Miss Manners so dislikes “plus one” invitations.

She cannot, however, assail the logic that once a hostess has posted such an invitation, she has ceded her authority to fill the seat. And there is no justification for the rudeness of rescinding an invitation once proffered.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)