DEAR MISS MANNERS: I made a birthday cake for a co-worker who is also a friend outside of work. Our office has a friendly atmosphere, and this is not unusual. She, in turn, shared that cake with our other co-workers, as she is a giving and outgoing individual.

Shortly after that, another co-worker announced that her birthday was the next day, and that she wanted me to make the same cake for her. I was taken aback, but, not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings, I agreed.

Now it seems that I have become the office baker. Without protesting that my budget does not support everyone’s “special” day, nor do my time limits, how do I politely rebuff this trend? The audacity to make such demands on your co-workers without consideration puts me off and I am left stuttering.

I’d like to add that at the time I presented the second co-worker with her cake as demanded, I also attached a recipe card. This subtle hint apparently went unheeded, as I have had several of these women state quite blatantly that they do not bake. What is a polite but firm response for next time?

GENTLE READER: Try shifting the blame to a higher authority. Tell your boss that the team has expressed a desire to celebrate birthdays in the office, but that you simply do not have the time and resources to supply all of the catering.

Perhaps there can be a company-funded party committee where everyone takes turns -- including your boss, so that she does not miss out on the fun. She will either facilitate its forming or, more likely, reject the idea entirely as not the best use of company resources. At which point, Miss Manners recommends that you celebrate with your co-workers-who-are-also-friends safely outside of work.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A young neighbor couple and their 7-year-old child stopped by our house to drop something off for my husband. We are friendly, but not close.

As we chatted with the parents, the child began to walk around our home and eventually went upstairs. I felt uncomfortable, but did not want to insult the parents by making it seem as though the child were not welcome.

One of my daughters (in her early 20s) was in her room, and was startled when she came out and saw the child in her sister’s room. She said the child wanted to know what was in each room.

How should I have expressed that I did not want the child wandering around my home? In my upbringing, it would have been considered very rude to have behaved so. The parents seemed unaffected and offered no direction to the child. Please advise how I could have asked the child not to wander without being offensive to our stop-by guests.

GENTLE READER: By professing concern for her safety. “I’m afraid that there are all kinds of dangerous things upstairs that haven’t been childproofed since my daughters were young. Perhaps I can get a game or some drawing things for Bentley so that she will be safely occupied while the grownups chat.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a tiny woman. Not short enough to be a member of any protected class, but let’s just say I am not uncomfortable in the coach seats on an airplane.

Occasionally, my height fascinates people to a degree that makes me uncomfortable. I once had a large man chase me out of a store and across the parking lot demanding I tell him how tall I am. I felt I had your blessing to berate him for scaring me, so I did, and it felt good.

But mainly, Miss Manners, it is such a dreadfully boring subject. Why should anyone, least of all me, want to discuss my height? Having studied your teachings all my life, I thought it was considered declasse to critique people’s bodies and unalterable physical characteristics, but people who have never met me and will never see me again feel quite comfortable demanding my vital statistics.

Of course I have a supply of “humorous” responses for the people who mean no harm: “Why do you ask? Is there a rollercoaster around here somewhere?” But Miss Manners, I am so weary and bored, and I am starting to question these people’s intelligence.

A typical conversation with a stranger approaching me, as I mind my own business in a public space, is: “Wow, you’re so tiny.” “Yes, I am.” “I mean, you are really tiny!” “Yep.” And that loop repeats until I can excuse myself and walk away.

To make matters worse, I rarely wear heels and my boyfriend is tall. This seems to be a real sticking point that people want to talk about, and it’s just so rude and stupid. People have even suggested that because of my height, this wonderful man I love should not be with me.

I can’t control what other people say and think, and I don’t need to “put anyone in their place.” I would never intentionally meet rudeness with rudeness. Am I just living in the wrong town, amongst the wrong people? Do I need to move to a country with a shorter populace? Must I grin and bear this forever? Is this just how people are?

GENTLE READER: Pointing out the obvious is unfortunately a universal human trait -- and your moving locations is not likely to change that.

The next time someone comments on your height, Miss Manners recommends that you produce a mysterious smile and say, “Actually, I am not nearly as tiny as you think.” This will at least plunge the silly questioner into confusion until you can make a getaway.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can I use fine china teacups and saucers alongside clear plastic plates for a bridal tea party?

GENTLE READER: Not without confusing the saucers and upsetting the plates. Guests might also have a hard time finding their balance. Miss Manners recommends that you stick with similarly weighted dishes -- preferably of china -- both for aesthetics and for ease of transport. You may also find the clean-up to be far easier.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in the ground-floor apartment of a condominium building with seven floors. The sons of the tenants on the sixth floor had a party, and they started throwing drinks, cigarettes, food, etc., onto my terrace, which is my private property.

I wrote the parents an email asking them to have that stopped, and asked the doorman to let them know about my complaint. As is customary in our small building, that email was sent with copies to all the other neighbors. The mother of the kids answered that it had been unintentional, and that she had asked them to stop.

However, they continued throwing drinks and spitting on my terrace, even when I walked outside to see what was going on. I then told her that I did not believe it was unintentional, since they had continued to throw things even with me present on the terrace, and that even though I don’t mind anyone having parties and making noise, I thought that throwing waste and drinks on someone’s private property was almost a criminal practice since it could be considered vandalism.

I expected an apology and a stop to their actions, but instead I got an angry email, with copies to all other neighbors, asking me to stop slandering her children.

Am I mistaken? Am I missing something here? Does she have the right to be offended?

GENTLE READER: Even assuming, for the moment, that it is not the custom in your building to send emails accusing you of slandering people’s children, Miss Manners questions the wisdom of sharing complaints so widely.

It seems that your neighbor was initially apologetic and willing to take action to correct the offense. This is as it should be. But things escalated for two reasons. First, you argued with her apology, which was both unseemly and, as you discovered, unflattering. Second, the wide circulation of the correspondence added a wholly unnecessary element of public flogging to what should otherwise have been a simple problem.

It is time to change the custom, and write a note to your neighbor thanking her for addressing (or attempting to address) your original concern, and yourself apologizing for making your complaint so publicly. It is to be hoped that there will not be a future, intentional occurrence to give you the opportunity to test your theory about what constitutes vandalism -- or assault.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am attending a wedding that is the third for both bride and groom. I know, generally speaking, you should not wear white or black to a wedding, but in this case, is it all right to wear a dress that is both?

GENTLE READER: Since this is not a rule that Miss Manners enforces vigorously, she is willing to stipulate that black and white make gray and that the dress is therefore acceptable -- assuming, of course, that it will not lead to confusion about the identity of the bride, who may herself be graying after two previous weddings.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)