DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m interested in whether I should say hi to a comrade or somebody I know when I randomly meet him/her on the street, but he/she is on the phone and doesn’t see me.

In another scenario, I’m walking somewhere and I happen to see somebody I know walking few a steps ahead of me. Do I say hi while I’m behind him, or catch up to him so he can see me? This usually happens with my older neighbor, so I think giving him a pat on the shoulder so he turns back isn’t appropriate.

GENTLE READER: You really love to say hi. Miss Manners does not mean to discourage this, but as polite as the instinct is, when the person is not looking or is otherwise engaged, the effort -- on each party’s side -- can be more than the gesture is worth.

In the first scenario, it seems to Miss Manners that if the person is on the telephone already, the number of steps it will take to wave the speaker down and off the telephone is entirely too many. If it is someone with whom you really want to connect, call them yourself -- preferably with at least a 30-minute lag time, so as not to disturb the current conversation.

In the second instance, catching up to someone is generally preferable to shouting out a name in public. And back thumping, whatever the person’s age, could be startling, if not frightening.

But again, people would not blame you if you did not take these measures for a relatively inconsequential act. Or if they did, you could rightly say that they seemed otherwise occupied.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are retired. My husband is popular with other men, and there is a regular crew with whom he golfs, meets for happy hour, meets for breakfasts, and so on. I am glad his retirement has been so successful. My problem is that these men have made it clear that they are signed up for fun stuff, and that is all. I invited them and their wives to our daughter’s wedding, and none of them RSVP’d or came. Yet I felt I had to invite them, because these are my husband’s friends.

I can’t imagine calling one of them if we had a real problem, like an illness or one of us falling off a ladder. Is this just a guy code I don’t understand, or what?

GENTLE READER: “Fair-weather friends” was a phrase coined for a reason. That these gentlemen consider a wedding a chore and not worthy of a response does not make them true friends. However, if your husband has no objection to the arrangement, Miss Manners does not see why you should. Presumably you have your own friends who could come to your rescue, if necessary. If not, cultivate them quickly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How long after someone’s passing is it all right to send a condolence card?

GENTLE READER: Although condolences should be sent shortly after the news is received, Miss Manners recognizes that it is not uncommon for some time to elapse before one hears of a death. That can be stated in the letter, but she frowns upon explanations that you simply did not get around to it until now. Nor should you excuse yourself from writing because time has passed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

GENTLE READERS: A term now in common usage that puzzles Miss Manners is “a real wedding.”

She recalls from 19th-century drama what a sham wedding was: A cad would persuade a virtuous lady to elope, produce an imposter to act as a clergyman and pretend to marry them, and shortly after, abandon her to ruin. The planning always seemed to take more time than the enjoyment.

More recently, and more sympathetically, people who were not legally allowed to marry held ersatz weddings, called commitment ceremonies, to mark their unions.

Silly Miss Manners would have thought that a “real wedding” was one in which a couple actually got married in a legal and optionally religious ceremony. Some sort of celebration almost always follows, but while that is called a “wedding reception” or a “wedding breakfast,” it is an add-on.

But now people want to divorce the marriage from the wedding. What they mean by a “wedding” is only the pageantry. The white dress, the costumed attendants, the “giving away,” the huge cake and, of course, the presents -- these may be produced without benefit of matrimony.

These events are not staged so often by couples with no intention of actually marrying (although there are instances) as they are by couples who are already married. Some are recently married and want to repeat the event for different spectators; others are long married but complain that they now want the trappings they missed at the time.

The targeted “real wedding” guests are no more charmed by this than Miss Manners. It seems that the emotional element of witnessing a binding union is essential. The legal part is so crucial that emotions do not seem to be dampened when the bride and bridegroom have previously been living as a couple. Miss Manners cannot blame them for their lack of enthusiasm for re-runs.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The other night, when we were having dinner at our neighbors’ house, my husband, without checking with me first, told our neighbors that they could help themselves to anything they wanted to harvest from our garden.

I was not happy about that at the time, but didn’t know how to say that I didn’t want them helping themselves to my hard work. I am happy to share with them, but I would like to pick the veggies myself and take them over to them as a gift. I would also like to have plenty to give to my family members and other neighbors, too.

Now, I am finding that not only are there not enough veggies to share, there are not any for me! When I go to pick the nice tomato that I have been watching ripen, it has already been picked! This happens repeatedly.

Is there any polite way I can rescind my husband’s offer?

GENTLE READER: No, but he can do so. If you tell the pickers that he was unauthorized to make the offer, you will sound mean. If he says sheepishly, “I should have asked my wife what she wanted you to leave,” he will sound sweet.

Of course this is unfair. Miss Manners only wants you to know how people react.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a single woman in my early 30s, and many of my co-workers are younger than myself. They’re very worldly, many of them married and having babies, or at least in committed relationships.

Sex and relationships are big topics of discussion amongst these co-workers, and are topics that I am uncomfortable discussing with people that I am not particularly close to. I barely discuss these things with my family and friends. I feel that my history and perspectives would not be respected or understood by this group.

However, they feel it is OK to press me on these topics. They seem to find it odd that I do not express interest in being married or wanting to be in a relationship. Almost everyone seems baffled by my reluctance to jump into relationships -- or beds, for that matter. It seems that love and marriage are goals that must be achieved immediately after a career has been established, and that society expects this.

I am reticent to disclose my (very nonexistent) romantic past when pressed. I know they make their own assumptions at my reluctance to share. I also know that they speculate about why I am not eager to be in a relationship.

I am happy with my life as it is. I am shy, conservative and have a set of morals not compatible with modern ideas about dating. Thus, I am not at all interested in the modern dating scene.

I find it stressful to have to listen to the teases and offers of matchmaking with their acquaintances -- quite honestly, a set of people I very much doubt I would have anything in common with. I feel embarrassed at the idea of people being forced into my company, and vice versa, for the express purpose of forming a romantic attachment, and the expectations that come along with that.

I received a message from a co-worker who I have not seen in some time, offering to set me up with a man she believes would be “perfect” for me. I debated how to reply in an off-the-cuff, jokey, “Thanks, but I’m OK” way. I have left it for so long that now it is too late to respond. I do not know how to acknowledge her text when I see her again. I know, 100 percent, that she will broach the subject.

What does a single girl do when faced with so many pushy matchmakers? And how do I respond to their inquiries about my love life without alienating myself from my co-workers? I enjoy working with them, as long as they leave my love life out of the discussion.

GENTLE READER: “That’s kind of you, but I am not available.” And to the inevitable follow-up question, “It’s not something I want to discuss.”

Miss Manners realizes that your colleagues will assume that you are having a clandestine affair with someone of such prominence as to be protective of their public reputation. Or that your heart is in someone’s premature grave. Or that you have taken secret religious vows.

But don’t mind that. As long as you keep responding cheerfully but firmly, they will eventually have to give up.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)