DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine attended a family gathering in honor of their father’s 100th birthday. It was a memorial: The clan patriarch died nearly 40 years ago.

Is it commonplace nowadays to exhume the dead, in a manner of speaking, for the ceremony of laying him to rest a second time? It’s not as if anyone has new memories of the deceased. What purpose is served by asking guests to repeat stories presumably shared decades earlier?

GENTLE READER: Shakespearean cowards may, metaphorically at least, have a higher mortality rate than the valiant, but actual people only die once. Most are therefore buried -- and memorialized -- only once.

Absent highly unusual circumstances, Miss Manners frowns upon extremely post-mortem memorials unless they be official (e.g., Memorial Day) or an excuse to give a concert of a dead composer’s greatest hits. Or confined to the immediate family.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently began my first experience with a social media account. As I would describe myself as a private person, my intention is to keep my “friends” list small and intimate, limiting it to family and close friends.

I have a close friend whom I first met in college. Although we live in different states today, we have remained close throughout the years. We are in our 60s now, and although we don’t get to see each other often, we still stay in touch on a regular basis. We share pictures of our grandchildren, send gifts for one another’s children’s weddings, and send sympathy gifts in times of loss. I did not even think twice about sending this close friend a “friend request.”

Imagine my shock and surprise when my request was not accepted. My friend has over 100 social media friends, so it is not as if she only “friends” immediate family. Am I correct in interpreting this as a clear message that she is no longer interested in the friendship?

GENTLE READER: Email, texts, social media posts and even internet dating sites boast that they make us more connected to our fellow humans than ever before. They overlook the fact that they filter out the contexts that made our fellow humans intelligible.

A sarcastic remark delivered with a playful, humorous tone in real life might be charming, but when reduced to the written word, it can be read as hostile and angry.

Are you correct that your friend’s rejection is a disavowal of a decades-long friendship? Perhaps. Or perhaps it was a slip of a finger on a cellphone, a momentary failure to put a name (or username) with a face -- or any number of other things.

Miss Manners cautions against inventing a context when one is not provided. Better to renew communication with your friend through an older medium and, during the conversation, say how much you would like to be her friend on social media so you can share pictures of the grandchildren.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of a friend wanted to surprise her husband with a gift. Rather than have it arrive at their office, she asked if I could receive it and drop it off with the receptionist.

I explained that I work three mornings a week and that it was likely I’d miss the delivery, and also that I tend to lock my front gate when I am not at home. She then asked if someone else could be at my home to take delivery. I explained that my husband works 8 to 6, so not really.

This didn’t seem to perturb her. She then asked if, when I had the package, I could rewrap it in the wrapping paper that would be enclosed. I said I would try to help. Several days later, after a failed delivery, I found a note to pick up the package at the local post office. So I went. It was huge, and I could hardly manage getting both my 3-year-old and the package to the car.

When I unwrapped the package, there wasn’t any wrapping paper included. So I wrapped it in my own generic wrapping paper, then drove around and dropped it off at their office reception. The next day I received a two-word text message: ”thank you.” She obviously didn’t realize that I put more effort into this gift for her husband that she did choosing and paying for it online, and arranging for delivery, all from the comfort of her chair.

I don’t even know why I am miffed -- I am a polite person and didn’t want to let someone down, but I am miffed! I was raised to always help others when I could, but I seem to be the only one. Am I being too old-fashioned to expect more manners?

GENTLE READER: Expecting good manners is not old-fashioned, but it is worth reviewing the difference between manners and friendship. Unlike your friend’s friend, manners required very little of you in your situation: a polite “I’m sorry, I can’t,” repeated as often as necessary, would have sufficed.

That, and not losing your temper -- either when being badgered or when receiving insufficient thanks. Miss Manners draws the distinction to save you the embarrassment next time of thinking that what you did was required. And to reinforce that the importance of performing an act of friendship is in direct proportion to the strength of the friendship -- which in this case was diluted, at best.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband works with a very nice man who happens to be Spanish. He speaks English but his wife does not, making it awkward when we all get together. How should this be handled?

GENTLE READER: The ability to communicate is basic to any social gathering, and the solution is therefore straightforward, if not necessarily easy.

If you are the host, you must include in the guest list at least one other Spanish speaker. Miss Manners trusts this is at least more readily accomplished than it would be with many less widely spoken languages. The good news is that this responsibility rests with the host, so the task only falls to you half the time.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an electronic invitation from a friend of mine to attend an open house. The party is to promote and sell a book she has recently had published.

She states that copies of her book will be available for signing and purchase at the party. She has also stated that light snacks will be available -- however, should we want a drink, we may bring a cooler of our own beverages.

None of this particularly bothered me until I scrolled down the invitation and saw a button that said, “Send a gift.” Yes, I did click on it just to see what it said, and all the gifts listed were gift cards to a large online retailer.

Am I truly expected to send a gift card to her? I am very appalled! I will be buying her book and eating a few potato chips, while being offered zero liquids to wash down those chips, yet I am supposed to give her a gift. Surely, this cannot be the norm these days. Or is it?

GENTLE READER: Sadly, practicing extortion schemes on friends has become common. Miss Manners is surprised that this person did not ask you to contribute to a travel fund to enable her to rest up from the labor of writing her book.

Such vulgarity is assisted by electronic invitations that automatically add nudging for a present. But whether your hostess put that in herself or failed to catch it, she has already indicated that she is no more willing to offer you drinks than a bookstore might be. And stores are not offered presents.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve made friends with a great couple who happily describe themselves as hermits. One dinner out sends them back indoors for the next three weeks, so we are more likely to trade evenings at our homes. They are in their mid-20s, and I’m a bit older.

They’re also very likely to announce, “We’ll see you at 7; we are going to wear our pajamas,” or “We probably won’t have time to clean before you come over.”

Even though I hope I didn’t just put Miss Manners on a fainting couch, they really are quirky, charming, funny girls, and fun to visit.

Do these statements make it rude of me to host as I usually would -- for example, in pants and with a clean home to present? Should I perhaps be a little more relaxed so they won’t feel underdressed? Skip the fresh flowers?

My mother thinks that if anything, I should aggressively follow higher standards to show them what is expected, but I think they are just happy with themselves and unpretentious.

GENTLE READER: But you are not equally entitled to be yourself?

Miss Manners disagrees equally with your mother and you. It is not up to you to instruct them any more than it is up to them to instruct you. You have been having fun, each entertaining to her own taste. Why would you consider spoiling that by patronizing them, one way or the other?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)