DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of a friend wanted to surprise her husband with a gift. Rather than have it arrive at their office, she asked if I could receive it and drop it off with the receptionist.

I explained that I work three mornings a week and that it was likely I’d miss the delivery, and also that I tend to lock my front gate when I am not at home. She then asked if someone else could be at my home to take delivery. I explained that my husband works 8 to 6, so not really.

This didn’t seem to perturb her. She then asked if, when I had the package, I could rewrap it in the wrapping paper that would be enclosed. I said I would try to help. Several days later, after a failed delivery, I found a note to pick up the package at the local post office. So I went. It was huge, and I could hardly manage getting both my 3-year-old and the package to the car.

When I unwrapped the package, there wasn’t any wrapping paper included. So I wrapped it in my own generic wrapping paper, then drove around and dropped it off at their office reception. The next day I received a two-word text message: ”thank you.” She obviously didn’t realize that I put more effort into this gift for her husband that she did choosing and paying for it online, and arranging for delivery, all from the comfort of her chair.

I don’t even know why I am miffed -- I am a polite person and didn’t want to let someone down, but I am miffed! I was raised to always help others when I could, but I seem to be the only one. Am I being too old-fashioned to expect more manners?

GENTLE READER: Expecting good manners is not old-fashioned, but it is worth reviewing the difference between manners and friendship. Unlike your friend’s friend, manners required very little of you in your situation: a polite “I’m sorry, I can’t,” repeated as often as necessary, would have sufficed.

That, and not losing your temper -- either when being badgered or when receiving insufficient thanks. Miss Manners draws the distinction to save you the embarrassment next time of thinking that what you did was required. And to reinforce that the importance of performing an act of friendship is in direct proportion to the strength of the friendship -- which in this case was diluted, at best.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband works with a very nice man who happens to be Spanish. He speaks English but his wife does not, making it awkward when we all get together. How should this be handled?

GENTLE READER: The ability to communicate is basic to any social gathering, and the solution is therefore straightforward, if not necessarily easy.

If you are the host, you must include in the guest list at least one other Spanish speaker. Miss Manners trusts this is at least more readily accomplished than it would be with many less widely spoken languages. The good news is that this responsibility rests with the host, so the task only falls to you half the time.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an electronic invitation from a friend of mine to attend an open house. The party is to promote and sell a book she has recently had published.

She states that copies of her book will be available for signing and purchase at the party. She has also stated that light snacks will be available -- however, should we want a drink, we may bring a cooler of our own beverages.

None of this particularly bothered me until I scrolled down the invitation and saw a button that said, “Send a gift.” Yes, I did click on it just to see what it said, and all the gifts listed were gift cards to a large online retailer.

Am I truly expected to send a gift card to her? I am very appalled! I will be buying her book and eating a few potato chips, while being offered zero liquids to wash down those chips, yet I am supposed to give her a gift. Surely, this cannot be the norm these days. Or is it?

GENTLE READER: Sadly, practicing extortion schemes on friends has become common. Miss Manners is surprised that this person did not ask you to contribute to a travel fund to enable her to rest up from the labor of writing her book.

Such vulgarity is assisted by electronic invitations that automatically add nudging for a present. But whether your hostess put that in herself or failed to catch it, she has already indicated that she is no more willing to offer you drinks than a bookstore might be. And stores are not offered presents.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve made friends with a great couple who happily describe themselves as hermits. One dinner out sends them back indoors for the next three weeks, so we are more likely to trade evenings at our homes. They are in their mid-20s, and I’m a bit older.

They’re also very likely to announce, “We’ll see you at 7; we are going to wear our pajamas,” or “We probably won’t have time to clean before you come over.”

Even though I hope I didn’t just put Miss Manners on a fainting couch, they really are quirky, charming, funny girls, and fun to visit.

Do these statements make it rude of me to host as I usually would -- for example, in pants and with a clean home to present? Should I perhaps be a little more relaxed so they won’t feel underdressed? Skip the fresh flowers?

My mother thinks that if anything, I should aggressively follow higher standards to show them what is expected, but I think they are just happy with themselves and unpretentious.

GENTLE READER: But you are not equally entitled to be yourself?

Miss Manners disagrees equally with your mother and you. It is not up to you to instruct them any more than it is up to them to instruct you. You have been having fun, each entertaining to her own taste. Why would you consider spoiling that by patronizing them, one way or the other?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For two years, I have been getting a manicure at a nail salon every other week, with the same technician every time. We are cordial and friendly. The conversation is polite, but not extensive, as her English is limited and I don’t speak her language.

She is always professional, and I am happy with her service. For the past few months, we’ve had a brief hug goodbye, initiated by her, and I feel comfortable with that.

However, she has begun to say “love you,” which leaves me uncomfortable as to how to respond. I do not wish to be rude, but nor do I wish to reciprocate the sentiment. I am not obligated to say anything, but it feels like she’s waiting for me to reply.

GENTLE READER: How could one blame an immigrant for being confused about the meaning of this sort of effusion when the natives have never sorted it out?

To some of us, a hug is an expression of personal affection for the hug-ee. To many others, it is the modern equivalent of a handshake.

Language has similarly progressed. “Amazing” and “incredible” mean that something is OK, maybe good, but not startling or unbelievable. Your manicurist doubtless meant to express her appreciation of you, not her passion.

Without embarrassing her, you could model a more restrained warmth. Take the initiative by offering her a handshake (presuming that your nails are dry) and by saying something merely pleasant, such as, “I am always very happy to see you.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a relative died after a lifetime of health issues, my siblings and I attended the visitation -- where we spoke to and offered condolences to all of her immediate family members -- as well as the funeral and burial. We also donated generously to her suggested charity in lieu of flowers. Are sympathy cards also required?

GENTLE READER: If by a sympathy card you mean a store-bought card with preprinted sentiments, that is the minimal way of expressing condolences. Or at least it was, until people started texting instead. There would be no reason for doing either, as you have done the proper thing in person.

However, Miss Manners notices that sometimes what is really meant is a letter of condolence, actually composed by the sender. Those, particularly if they contain fond reminiscences of the deceased, are much valued.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a college student whose high school teachers and parents have always drilled into me the importance of a formal email. When I write to my professors or job interviewers, I always address them as “Dear Mr./Ms./Professor/Dr. Last Name” and use an appropriate closing.

However, they often reply with simply “Hi” or no greeting at all. One interviewer replied to an email in poorly capitalized, fragmented phrases and no closing.

If I need to reply to someone’s response to me, should I continue my level of formality, or imitate theirs? Or is there an in-between?

GENTLE READER: How much tuition are you paying to learn from people who know less than you about how to write?

Miss Manners urges you to continue to write respectfully and correctly. Perhaps your professors will learn from you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)