DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude not to get up and unlock/open the door for someone who lives in the house and is returning home?

GENTLE READER: It is not impolite to assume that those living in the house can, and will, admit themselves. It is impolite to ignore evidence that they cannot get in, or cannot do so easily or without mishap. Examples include torrential downpours, arms full of groceries or a knock on the door.

As a matter of familial harmony, Miss Manners also cautions against remaining on the couch, visible through the window, while your spouse struggles to find the keys.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law arranged a memorial service for her father, followed by a less formal “celebration of life.”

I thought I’d allowed plenty of time for the drive, but things went wrong and a trip that should have taken an hour and a half ended up taking a brutal four hours. I was so late that I considered turning back, but decided to power through it and make the best of it. Through sheer luck I was able to find the venue, arriving as guests had begun to leave the event.

I was glad I persevered; my sister-in-law seemed genuinely happy to see me, and the extended family stuck around for another couple of hours of reminiscing. I had no idea there was a problem until a few days later, when my sister-in-law called me in a rage. She was furious that I arrived late and she went on to say terrible things about me and even made cruel remarks about my own departed father.

Obviously I should have left earlier, allowing for the inevitable disasters that can occur on a long drive. When a person, despite their best efforts, finds themselves late for an important occasion such as a wedding or funeral, what is the best way to proceed?

GENTLE READER: When outside factors intervene -- traffic is snarled, planes are delayed, weather happens -- lateness can be the result. It is natural to feel that the blame should be borne by the elements or entities that caused the delay.

Natural, but, Miss Manners points out, incorrect. Your host’s social contract is with you -- not other drivers, an airline, or the climate. The best way -- in fact, the only polite way -- to proceed is to accept responsibility and apologize.

How emphatic an apology is required will depend on the seriousness of the occasion, the extent of the tardiness, and the resultant impact on the event. Being late for the cocktails before dinner will require less groveling than leaving your bride waiting at the altar. Criminal courts differentiate between evidence given for the purpose of determining guilt and that given in mitigation at sentencing.

The cause of your lateness falls into the latter category: It is properly given after the apology, on the understanding that the hostess has less reason to be upset by a flat tire than by someone who never leaves sufficient time. But none of this excuses the subsequent rudeness by the hostess.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m wondering what is the business etiquette around requiring employees to attend out-of-office events.

My husband is expected to attend a monthly happy hour with the people in his department -- all of whom, including the boss, happen to be female. Spouses are never included (and also weren’t included in an after-hours holiday celebration). I wonder if the boss thinks this is appropriate simply because she holds it during the later afternoon, and because people are generally allowed to leave between 6 and 7 p.m.

In any case, what was once perhaps a “girls’ night out” is no longer such a thing, now that there’s a male in the department. I’ve never met the boss (obviously, I’ve never been invited to), but I can’t imagine this is proper business etiquette. Am I wrong? If not, how can this possibly be addressed?

GENTLE READER: The issue is not that the event takes place outside of the office, but rather the confusion -- on the parts of your husband, his boss and yourself -- about whether the event is social or professional.

Professional events generally occur during work hours. Social events do not require permission to leave. Professional events are usually gender-neutral. Social events tend not to be.

You are correct that your husband’s boss is not following proper business etiquette. But this confusion is nowadays so common -- about professional-versus-social, though perhaps also about gender -- that she may not even realize she is abusing her authority. Rather than confront her with being rude, a safer solution would be for your husband to attend the portion of the event that runs until the close of business, and then excuse himself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been a Catholic priest for nearly 25 years. In years past, when performing a wedding, I would nearly always receive an invitation to the ceremony and reception. For the past few years, this no longer seems to be the custom. Obviously I know when the wedding will be celebrated, but I have no idea where the reception will be held.

I do not presume or expect an invitation to the reception, but at nearly every rehearsal, or immediately before or after the service, a parent will ask me if I am coming to the reception. I don’t know how to respond.

If I say I wasn’t invited, I will of course make them feel bad, which I won’t do on such a special day. But I also don’t want to lie. Would you please suggest a response?

GENTLE READER: The etiquette for such situations calls for ... misdirection: “I am so sorry not to be able to attend, but there are so many calls for my services this time of year.”

Miss Manners trusts that such a response is literally true, and looks to you to determine that there is therefore no sin in so responding. She herself takes comfort in realizing that such an answer is the lesser of possible evils.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I detest receiving telemarketing calls. I use my answering machine as a screening device, and try not to answer calls unless I recognize the number.

However, at times I mistakenly answer a telemarketer’s call -- especially if it’s my cellphone and I’m expecting business calls from unknown numbers.

When I do get a legal telemarketing call, I politely inform the caller that I am not interested, and ask them to remove my phone number from their list. This often leads to them talking louder to keep me from finishing my response, while I’m trying to reiterate that I am not interested, wish them a good day, and get off the phone. (If it’s an illegal or automated call, I just hang up.)

I don’t want to be rude in response; no matter how annoying I find them, they’re just doing their jobs. However, I cannot think of another response at that point other than to loudly say, “As I SAID, I am NOT INTERESTED! Have a nice day,” and then hang up on them. Is this acceptable, when they refuse to let me politely and properly end the call?

GENTLE READER: Housebreakers are also only doing their jobs when they force entry into your home. Nevertheless, you should not welcome them.

Unsolicited telemarketing is, at best, an intrusion into your home. Miss Manners does not consider that license for you to be rude, but neither are you bound to treat such calls as legitimate exchanges, for which you must reach a mutual agreement to end.

The word that should follow the declaration of your lack of interest is “Goodbye,” and it should be followed with a click.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The morning after enjoying a lovely evening, including dinner, at a new acquaintance’s home, I sat down and wrote a thank-you note. The same day, the hostess emailed me a “thank you” for the gift I had brought her, adding that she’d enjoyed the evening. I responded, thanking her for her hospitality.

While I was quite pleased with her email, feeling it unnecessary since she had thanked me in person, I felt like I had been rude by not sending an email thank-you sooner. I was also embarrassed, wondering if she might think I only remembered my manners when prompted by her message.

In the future, in addition to the “snail mail” thank-you note, should I send an email thank-you as well?

GENTLE READER: The issues here are speed versus charm, and the degree of formality required. But you needn’t wrestle with this, because everything was as it should be.

It was odd and unnecessary for your hostess to say she enjoyed the evening, because after all, she is the one who gave it. Miss Manners is reluctant to discourage any expressions of thanks, but, as in your case, this is more apt to puzzle than to gratify the recipient. Wedding guests who have not yet sent presents but are thanked for attending a wedding interpret such letters as dunning them.

That aside, the message was informal enough to be sent by email, the speed of which was incidental.

Thanks for a dinner party is something of a formal requirement, and thus should be handwritten and mailed. Your hostess will be just as happy a few days later to hear that her party was a success.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)