DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m wondering what is the business etiquette around requiring employees to attend out-of-office events.

My husband is expected to attend a monthly happy hour with the people in his department -- all of whom, including the boss, happen to be female. Spouses are never included (and also weren’t included in an after-hours holiday celebration). I wonder if the boss thinks this is appropriate simply because she holds it during the later afternoon, and because people are generally allowed to leave between 6 and 7 p.m.

In any case, what was once perhaps a “girls’ night out” is no longer such a thing, now that there’s a male in the department. I’ve never met the boss (obviously, I’ve never been invited to), but I can’t imagine this is proper business etiquette. Am I wrong? If not, how can this possibly be addressed?

GENTLE READER: The issue is not that the event takes place outside of the office, but rather the confusion -- on the parts of your husband, his boss and yourself -- about whether the event is social or professional.

Professional events generally occur during work hours. Social events do not require permission to leave. Professional events are usually gender-neutral. Social events tend not to be.

You are correct that your husband’s boss is not following proper business etiquette. But this confusion is nowadays so common -- about professional-versus-social, though perhaps also about gender -- that she may not even realize she is abusing her authority. Rather than confront her with being rude, a safer solution would be for your husband to attend the portion of the event that runs until the close of business, and then excuse himself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been a Catholic priest for nearly 25 years. In years past, when performing a wedding, I would nearly always receive an invitation to the ceremony and reception. For the past few years, this no longer seems to be the custom. Obviously I know when the wedding will be celebrated, but I have no idea where the reception will be held.

I do not presume or expect an invitation to the reception, but at nearly every rehearsal, or immediately before or after the service, a parent will ask me if I am coming to the reception. I don’t know how to respond.

If I say I wasn’t invited, I will of course make them feel bad, which I won’t do on such a special day. But I also don’t want to lie. Would you please suggest a response?

GENTLE READER: The etiquette for such situations calls for ... misdirection: “I am so sorry not to be able to attend, but there are so many calls for my services this time of year.”

Miss Manners trusts that such a response is literally true, and looks to you to determine that there is therefore no sin in so responding. She herself takes comfort in realizing that such an answer is the lesser of possible evils.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I detest receiving telemarketing calls. I use my answering machine as a screening device, and try not to answer calls unless I recognize the number.

However, at times I mistakenly answer a telemarketer’s call -- especially if it’s my cellphone and I’m expecting business calls from unknown numbers.

When I do get a legal telemarketing call, I politely inform the caller that I am not interested, and ask them to remove my phone number from their list. This often leads to them talking louder to keep me from finishing my response, while I’m trying to reiterate that I am not interested, wish them a good day, and get off the phone. (If it’s an illegal or automated call, I just hang up.)

I don’t want to be rude in response; no matter how annoying I find them, they’re just doing their jobs. However, I cannot think of another response at that point other than to loudly say, “As I SAID, I am NOT INTERESTED! Have a nice day,” and then hang up on them. Is this acceptable, when they refuse to let me politely and properly end the call?

GENTLE READER: Housebreakers are also only doing their jobs when they force entry into your home. Nevertheless, you should not welcome them.

Unsolicited telemarketing is, at best, an intrusion into your home. Miss Manners does not consider that license for you to be rude, but neither are you bound to treat such calls as legitimate exchanges, for which you must reach a mutual agreement to end.

The word that should follow the declaration of your lack of interest is “Goodbye,” and it should be followed with a click.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The morning after enjoying a lovely evening, including dinner, at a new acquaintance’s home, I sat down and wrote a thank-you note. The same day, the hostess emailed me a “thank you” for the gift I had brought her, adding that she’d enjoyed the evening. I responded, thanking her for her hospitality.

While I was quite pleased with her email, feeling it unnecessary since she had thanked me in person, I felt like I had been rude by not sending an email thank-you sooner. I was also embarrassed, wondering if she might think I only remembered my manners when prompted by her message.

In the future, in addition to the “snail mail” thank-you note, should I send an email thank-you as well?

GENTLE READER: The issues here are speed versus charm, and the degree of formality required. But you needn’t wrestle with this, because everything was as it should be.

It was odd and unnecessary for your hostess to say she enjoyed the evening, because after all, she is the one who gave it. Miss Manners is reluctant to discourage any expressions of thanks, but, as in your case, this is more apt to puzzle than to gratify the recipient. Wedding guests who have not yet sent presents but are thanked for attending a wedding interpret such letters as dunning them.

That aside, the message was informal enough to be sent by email, the speed of which was incidental.

Thanks for a dinner party is something of a formal requirement, and thus should be handwritten and mailed. Your hostess will be just as happy a few days later to hear that her party was a success.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the manager of a retail chain bookstore. Frequently, I have customers who want to discuss their political or religious beliefs with me or my employees. How can I politely let them know their advice is inappropriate and nip these remarks in the bud?

Sometimes they seem to be provoked by the books we are selling, but their comments are quite personal and not related to merchandise. They are not simply asking for more books related to a particular title, but are outright telling me whom I should vote for, and that I should tell all my other customers to vote for that particular candidate. Others have told me to attend a particular church.

I cannot just pretend to agree with them, even if I wanted to, because then I would risk offending other customers in the store who disagree.

I am happy to serve all customers regardless of religion or political affiliation, and therefore do not feel that a retail store is the appropriate place for proselytizing or politicking. These people don’t seem to do it to other customers in the store, yet they seem to think that salespeople are fair game.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, they are addressing you as a bookseller, which is what you are and how you should respond.

There is no need to address any personal questions about your affiliations. Rather, Miss Manners advises you to say, “Let me think what books might interest you. Do you prefer ones that agree with you, or are you interested in finding out what your opponents are arguing?”

Should they persist, rather than taking up your offer, you should add, “Well, look around. You’re bound to find something that will interest you.” And then excuse yourself to tend to other customers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been invited to a baby shower for an acquaintance’s daughter. I have met the daughter once, and it was at a group dinner, so we spoke about three sentences to each other. I know the mother from a social circle, but we are not close.

The baby shower invitation is from the mother, and the RSVP is to the mother and daughter. This is not proper! I do not want to attend, nor send a gift, as I do not know the daughter or her tastes.

I might add that many of us who were invited are in the same boat -- and none of us were invited to this person’s wedding, which was recent. What do you think of this situation? How should I handle it?

GENTLE READER: You need only decline, wishing the daughter well. Miss Manners gathers from the whiff of indignation in your tone that you suspect the lady of motives that are not strictly hospitable. That is best not probed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How long is the proper time to wear a wedding band after the death of a spouse?

GENTLE READER: As long as it is a comfort to you. And if it is not your ring under discussion, that decision concerns neither you nor Miss Manners.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)