DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the manager of a retail chain bookstore. Frequently, I have customers who want to discuss their political or religious beliefs with me or my employees. How can I politely let them know their advice is inappropriate and nip these remarks in the bud?

Sometimes they seem to be provoked by the books we are selling, but their comments are quite personal and not related to merchandise. They are not simply asking for more books related to a particular title, but are outright telling me whom I should vote for, and that I should tell all my other customers to vote for that particular candidate. Others have told me to attend a particular church.

I cannot just pretend to agree with them, even if I wanted to, because then I would risk offending other customers in the store who disagree.

I am happy to serve all customers regardless of religion or political affiliation, and therefore do not feel that a retail store is the appropriate place for proselytizing or politicking. These people don’t seem to do it to other customers in the store, yet they seem to think that salespeople are fair game.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, they are addressing you as a bookseller, which is what you are and how you should respond.

There is no need to address any personal questions about your affiliations. Rather, Miss Manners advises you to say, “Let me think what books might interest you. Do you prefer ones that agree with you, or are you interested in finding out what your opponents are arguing?”

Should they persist, rather than taking up your offer, you should add, “Well, look around. You’re bound to find something that will interest you.” And then excuse yourself to tend to other customers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been invited to a baby shower for an acquaintance’s daughter. I have met the daughter once, and it was at a group dinner, so we spoke about three sentences to each other. I know the mother from a social circle, but we are not close.

The baby shower invitation is from the mother, and the RSVP is to the mother and daughter. This is not proper! I do not want to attend, nor send a gift, as I do not know the daughter or her tastes.

I might add that many of us who were invited are in the same boat -- and none of us were invited to this person’s wedding, which was recent. What do you think of this situation? How should I handle it?

GENTLE READER: You need only decline, wishing the daughter well. Miss Manners gathers from the whiff of indignation in your tone that you suspect the lady of motives that are not strictly hospitable. That is best not probed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How long is the proper time to wear a wedding band after the death of a spouse?

GENTLE READER: As long as it is a comfort to you. And if it is not your ring under discussion, that decision concerns neither you nor Miss Manners.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the past 10 years, I have enjoyed hosting a dinner for very close friends to celebrate my birthday with me. The cost for the evening is generally about $5,000, but I am financially secure. No gifts are allowed.

I have to book the table 10 months in advance, and since it’s a high-end evening, the restaurant provides a private room with a nice view and dedicated servers.

The guest list has not changed for six years. The 10 people around the table have known each other for at least two decades. We talk, laugh, drink and tell outrageous stories. No one drives; I hire a 12-seat van to pick everyone up and drive everyone home.

Dirk, one of “the 10,” recently attached himself to a nice boyfriend, Karl. They have been to dinner at my house several times, and we’ve gone to restaurants together.

The problem is that the private room at the restaurant cannot accommodate more than 10 people -- the restaurant is not willing to squeeze in another chair. If I include Karl, I have to evict someone else. I’m not willing to do that. Dirk is adamant that he will only attend if Karl can be with him. He said, “Move into the main dining room and add a place for Karl; you can afford it. Or find another restaurant that can accommodate 11 in a private room.”

I don’t want to move to the main dining room, as the entire atmosphere for the evening will disappear if we are surrounded by 100 people. And I don’t want to move the celebration to another restaurant; I’ve worked with the current place for a decade and I don’t want to change. If it were only a matter of adding a place at our table, I would do so quickly and quietly, but that’s not feasible.

I see four options: A. Cancel the evening. B. Evict someone to accommodate Karl. C. Cancel the reservation and cater the dinner at home, which will result in much work and additional cost for me. Or D. Say “I’m sorry, we don’t have space for another” and let Dirk decide if he wants to damage the relationship.

Am I missing something? Am I being too rigid?

GENTLE READER: It seems to Miss Manners that the restaurant is. She finds it hard to believe that after 10 years of loyalty, it would be unwilling to add a single chair to keep you as a client.

If it insists, do consider other places.

While Dirk has overstepped his bounds as a guest (that “you can afford it” is outrageous), it does not seem worth damaging the friendship. This event, after all, is presumably about the relationships you have with your friends -- and not the venue.

However, if you go to all of this trouble -- and to prevent future guest infractions -- Miss Manners recommends you tell Dirk that the adjustment was made to include him and his beau because they are an established couple. She permits you to pleasantly add, “So he’d better be a keeper.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This may be a silly question, but I’ll ask regardless: What is the protocol for wearing rain boots?

Our church parking lot can become muddy, and it makes sense to me to wear boots to combat the muck, but doesn’t make sense to wear the mucky boots inside. I’ve often seen children wear their rain boots all throughout the service, and have seen the mess they cause on the floor. Are you supposed to change shoes at the door, then carry your boots the rest of the service?

GENTLE READER: And how many sets of footprints would that make? This feels like a parable -- and if so, Miss Manners is likely out of her depth.

However, she suggests that you consult the parish -- not just to answer the footprint question, but to see if something can be put in the church newsletter about bringing a change of shoes on rainy days. And providing a boot tray for dirtied boots. That is What Miss Manners Would Do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I feel honored to have been invited to two weddings; however, they are scheduled to be held on the same date and time.

The venues are located only 15 minutes apart. The young people getting married are children of two couples who have been our close friends for more than 20 years. We truly want to attend both weddings and receptions.

What is the proper etiquette for such a situation? Would it be appropriate to attend the ceremony of one wedding and the reception of the other? Should my husband attend both the wedding ceremony and reception of one couple, and I attend these events for the other? Or is it more considerate for my husband and me to accept the invitation to only one wedding and somehow graciously decline the other?

GENTLE READER: Learn to dance quickly. Miss Manners is not only referring to what you do at the reception, but also to how you get there. Make both hosts aware of the predicament, and then divide yourselves and conquer, each of you attending one full wedding and reception.

Whoever is done first, hightail it over to the other reception -- all with the hosts’ permission, of course. Any true friends of 20 years will surely appreciate the predicament, and be accommodating. Adding a future invitation for the two couples to meet, where you can laugh about it all and favorably compare the two weddings, may prove to be further enticement.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper protocol if one has politely declined an invitation, only to later find oneself able to attend due to the cancellation of the original obstacle? If it is a formal group gathering, for example, a dinner hosted at someone’s home, is there a polite way to inquire whether one may still attend after all?

GENTLE READER: Only indirectly. “We were so disappointed that Bucky’s award ceremony fell on the same evening as your party, but now it seems that it has been postponed. Of course we understand if we have been replaced, but would love to have you and Alistair over as soon as possible to hear all about the fun.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)