DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the past 10 years, I have enjoyed hosting a dinner for very close friends to celebrate my birthday with me. The cost for the evening is generally about $5,000, but I am financially secure. No gifts are allowed.

I have to book the table 10 months in advance, and since it’s a high-end evening, the restaurant provides a private room with a nice view and dedicated servers.

The guest list has not changed for six years. The 10 people around the table have known each other for at least two decades. We talk, laugh, drink and tell outrageous stories. No one drives; I hire a 12-seat van to pick everyone up and drive everyone home.

Dirk, one of “the 10,” recently attached himself to a nice boyfriend, Karl. They have been to dinner at my house several times, and we’ve gone to restaurants together.

The problem is that the private room at the restaurant cannot accommodate more than 10 people -- the restaurant is not willing to squeeze in another chair. If I include Karl, I have to evict someone else. I’m not willing to do that. Dirk is adamant that he will only attend if Karl can be with him. He said, “Move into the main dining room and add a place for Karl; you can afford it. Or find another restaurant that can accommodate 11 in a private room.”

I don’t want to move to the main dining room, as the entire atmosphere for the evening will disappear if we are surrounded by 100 people. And I don’t want to move the celebration to another restaurant; I’ve worked with the current place for a decade and I don’t want to change. If it were only a matter of adding a place at our table, I would do so quickly and quietly, but that’s not feasible.

I see four options: A. Cancel the evening. B. Evict someone to accommodate Karl. C. Cancel the reservation and cater the dinner at home, which will result in much work and additional cost for me. Or D. Say “I’m sorry, we don’t have space for another” and let Dirk decide if he wants to damage the relationship.

Am I missing something? Am I being too rigid?

GENTLE READER: It seems to Miss Manners that the restaurant is. She finds it hard to believe that after 10 years of loyalty, it would be unwilling to add a single chair to keep you as a client.

If it insists, do consider other places.

While Dirk has overstepped his bounds as a guest (that “you can afford it” is outrageous), it does not seem worth damaging the friendship. This event, after all, is presumably about the relationships you have with your friends -- and not the venue.

However, if you go to all of this trouble -- and to prevent future guest infractions -- Miss Manners recommends you tell Dirk that the adjustment was made to include him and his beau because they are an established couple. She permits you to pleasantly add, “So he’d better be a keeper.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This may be a silly question, but I’ll ask regardless: What is the protocol for wearing rain boots?

Our church parking lot can become muddy, and it makes sense to me to wear boots to combat the muck, but doesn’t make sense to wear the mucky boots inside. I’ve often seen children wear their rain boots all throughout the service, and have seen the mess they cause on the floor. Are you supposed to change shoes at the door, then carry your boots the rest of the service?

GENTLE READER: And how many sets of footprints would that make? This feels like a parable -- and if so, Miss Manners is likely out of her depth.

However, she suggests that you consult the parish -- not just to answer the footprint question, but to see if something can be put in the church newsletter about bringing a change of shoes on rainy days. And providing a boot tray for dirtied boots. That is What Miss Manners Would Do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I feel honored to have been invited to two weddings; however, they are scheduled to be held on the same date and time.

The venues are located only 15 minutes apart. The young people getting married are children of two couples who have been our close friends for more than 20 years. We truly want to attend both weddings and receptions.

What is the proper etiquette for such a situation? Would it be appropriate to attend the ceremony of one wedding and the reception of the other? Should my husband attend both the wedding ceremony and reception of one couple, and I attend these events for the other? Or is it more considerate for my husband and me to accept the invitation to only one wedding and somehow graciously decline the other?

GENTLE READER: Learn to dance quickly. Miss Manners is not only referring to what you do at the reception, but also to how you get there. Make both hosts aware of the predicament, and then divide yourselves and conquer, each of you attending one full wedding and reception.

Whoever is done first, hightail it over to the other reception -- all with the hosts’ permission, of course. Any true friends of 20 years will surely appreciate the predicament, and be accommodating. Adding a future invitation for the two couples to meet, where you can laugh about it all and favorably compare the two weddings, may prove to be further enticement.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper protocol if one has politely declined an invitation, only to later find oneself able to attend due to the cancellation of the original obstacle? If it is a formal group gathering, for example, a dinner hosted at someone’s home, is there a polite way to inquire whether one may still attend after all?

GENTLE READER: Only indirectly. “We were so disappointed that Bucky’s award ceremony fell on the same evening as your party, but now it seems that it has been postponed. Of course we understand if we have been replaced, but would love to have you and Alistair over as soon as possible to hear all about the fun.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it considered good etiquette to ask why an invitation is declined? We were invited to a wedding that we cannot attend, and the bride asked why. I was under the impression that generally one should never ask why an invitation is declined.

GENTLE READER: Such an inquiry is neither proper etiquette nor common sense. The not-to-be-guest must then either tell the truth, which at best is another commitment, or lie, as an alternative to admitting to disliking the bridegroom.

Instead, Miss Manners counsels giving as little information as possible (“I’m so sorry, we just can’t”), lest the host compound the rudeness by using your answer to appeal the decision (“Oh, just find a babysitter”).

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law has asked (several times) that my family stop giving gifts to her and my brother.

One of my sisters continues to give presents, but in the form of small “stocking stuffers” such as refrigerator magnets and stickers. Another sister continues to give very generous, substantial gifts, claiming that it is her decision to give or not, and that my brother and sister-in-law are free to donate these gifts to charity.

I’m being pulled into the middle of this, and I hope you will give us some guidance on the etiquette of giving and receiving.

GENTLE READER: The advice, you will be relieved to hear, is that you get out of the middle. There are only two parties in gift-giving: the giver and the recipient. Etiquette does not recognize a sibling-giver or a recipient-in-law. An agreement to reduce presents among miscellaneous adult members of a family is not uncommon, and simply ignoring such a request is impolite. But rather than say that to either of your sisters, Miss Manners recommends you talk to your sister-in-law about your own arrangement -- and avoid commenting on those of anyone else.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate response when someone, upon hearing the name of your son -- a name that took months and months to decide on, and that you believed was both unique and masculine because of its old English origin referring to a traditionally male occupation -- tells you that so-and-so’s daughter has the same name?

I have no wish to lie and say “Oh, that’s nice” (when, to me, it isn’t) or confront the speaker with, “That’s most unfortunate, as it is CLEARLY a boy’s name.” And it seems impolite to stare at the speaker in uncomfortable silence. Especially if you happen to be colleagues, or worse yet, related.

GENTLE READER: Being an etiquette columnist, Miss Manners considers herself to be reasonably well attuned to etiquette violations, but this comment seems more thoughtless than rude. It certainly does not justify an angry retort. The most that etiquette allows is a frosty “Yes?” -- and even then, only if you cannot help yourself. How much worse it would be to be related to the speaker is an exercise Miss Manners leaves to her gentle reader.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)